Do you appreciate a working wife?

Dear Tulipzz,

I was moved to tears after reading your post today....I am sorry to say that your husband is a moron...

 

I am not a male but I think that most Men realise the monetary contribution by the working wife but are too egoistic to admit. They may silently enjoy the perks but may not open their mouths and praise as they are worried that they may get into trouble if they show any signs of thankfulness. Some Men are genuinely nice and appreciate the wives openly, these are men that are happy in the relationship. If the husband is already too upset, whatever you do even if you are a superwoman and do the job of 4 people @ home after you return from a hectic day @ work, he will fail to notice it.
I have seen that some Men do start changing a little when they see a lot SAHMs in the friend circle that are happier (they are SAHM for a reason for sanity) enjoy the day time kitty parties, gossip etc and you are slogging and constantly tired and unhappy, you just have to steadily start giving small matter of fact points like how you do everything they do and also have a hectic life and still not appreciated and overworked.
After a while you slowly start to not even care about their appreciation or approval. In my case I could not do what I was doing and also manage @ home, the so called help seemed a lot for the husband but seemed too little to me to continue. Then I made the decision of cutting my hours slowly to where I am comfortable. You can try this option if possible for your own sanity.
In your case I am sorry it sounds like you have been through a lot and I only hope and pray your husband changes. You may have to think about whether you will be able to live with this person when you grow older, it may be better to decide now instead of many years later, and then you regret why did I waste my golden years, it will hit you in midlife. You have a job with a 6 figure salary and still worried, yes it is because you do not think you have any safety net to fall back on. Just keep socking away in all the investments but don't be so scared., it is normal to be worried, but you will not land in the streets, you can always go back to India for a few months for a break if needed.

 

I have been encouraging my wife to resume working for the last few years but she is not willing. See my previous thread:

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/96935-how-persuade-my-wife-start.html

I have high regards for working women (and for SAHMs ) who share the financial burden with the husband, take care of their home, kids and in some cases take care of the in-laws too. And I have seen men (like OP's hus) who do not appreciate wife's contribution. But most men with working wives know how important their wifes' contribution is but they may not acknowledge it openly. I hope the OP's husband comes to his senses and treats her well.

 

Although, my husband doesn't openly appreciate me, I am sure he is very happy that I work.. When we go to parties or some body asks him about me, he proudly says my wife works for so and so company..
Without me working, neither me nor my husband would be able to support our parents financially.. Both inlaws and parents are so proud that we are in a good position and able to buy them the hi-tech stuff, which they could not afford themselves. Other than that, our kids also get full time private education, just because I work.. I feel so happy that I am a contributor in my family..

 

Hello tulipzz, I didnt read some of the feedback, Im sure they have been excellent. But first things first, your husband seems to be treating the relationship like a business relationship, and he is feeding from your insecurities.

Its really unfortunate that some men think this way (tough not all). Men have their brains wired this way, maybe heavily influenced by in-laws.

In recent times, most people, do want a working wife ... somebody who is a corporate being ... and who could contribute to financial well being. It feels really good to have an extra financial cushion, and I guess men love that comfort cushion.

But to pocket all her earnings, and treating everything like a business preposition is a shame. You probably need to stand up for yourself, if you don't feel 100% at office, you need a break. Your husband will complain, rant and taunt, but you need to brave these and even retort back. After all, its your own well being.

Be honest, will he remain unmarried for long, if you are dead ?? the answer is a big NO .... then learn to take care of yourself, your finances and your health.

The other day we had a post wherein, the husband willfully took away all of the wife's earnings at different instances of time in the US, and fled to India. The women was left high and dry (read the post in life without spouse) and learn from it. And, the women was a senior SW engineer. How ignorant can one be !

When you earn well, I guess, you should save a component of your salary (tuck it away) for rainy days, for your needs alone!. When you start saving some component, it will make you feel secure. This AC. should only be known to you alone and you should not even use a debit card or passbook for such an a account, and not have your home address as address for correspondence.

I have conjured up an answer, but bottom line, stand up first !

 

I always admired your strength and I can never be like you. But this post disappoints me. Shame on your husband but more than anything, shame on yourself for letting this happen to you. Sorry if I'm rude. Your children will leave you one day...your parents will do nothing but worry eitherways (be with him or not). Ultimately it is you who is suffering and will continue to suffer. I dont think you are ready to do anything about it because our society gives precedence to the concept of being married over the individual's priority. So at this point, the only solution you are left with and are already following is - 'Suck it up'.

 

God bless you Tulipzz. Your strength is amazing !!! I do hope some day soon your husband comes to his senses.

 

my husband truly appreciates me and helps me a lot..

 

i cannot say my husband appreciates my work status, and at the same time he never interferes with my work/not to work decisions. The reason being i was married when i was still studying, and it was my decision to complete my MBA and work for some years before starting family.

the fact is we are financially well settled and considering my H salary and my salary in comparison, i doubt if it will actually make a difference in our life style even if i stay home for some reason. the best part is neither my H nor my MIL object with any professional decisions i take and generally supportive. am happy with that as of now

 

Appreciation leads to success so appreciate every one for every thing...it changes life