Do you appreciate a working wife?

My take on this:

I feel a successful marriage is based on love, appreciation and honesty. If both spouses love each other and care for each other, then they will appreciate and will help each other for the simple reason that they want to be together. I can't say this certainly but from the few examples I have seen in my social circle here, I feel that men who make less money are usually the husbands who don't appreciate their wives. Making less money is a relative term here....Lets see if the wife is making more money than the husband, then it will be really hard for the husband to appreciate the wife, more so if he is a typical indian husband with loads of ego. If the husband is making the same amount of money as his wife, he may or may not appreciate the work his wife does. If a husband is jealous and has deep inferiority complex that his wife is capable of multi-tasking, then he will have a hard time appreciating her. But a man who is confident of himself, is an excellent provider for the family and it really does not matter whether his wife works or not and he is a good man, he will surely appreciate the work his stay at home wife does. It really depends on the person. I have an american friend who makes a six figure salary but her husband does not work....They have absolutely no problem, he takes care of the house and she works. They are happy....But I think there is a problem with our indian men...I would love to hear from others too....

Best,
--Bubai

 

My wife's career is much better than mine...She makes more money than me (much much more) ... and I have to admit that she is much better off than me in the corporate world... I am super proud of her... We decided long ago that I would take on the larger share of the home side (except cooking- can't cook for nuts though i did my hotel management course) like running errands, do the shopping, driving daughter around for her extra sports/activities ....

I can only say that i am proud of my wife....

 

I think the idea of male being the provider is a bit outdated. In UK there has been a big change. There are much more opportunities for women to work than men. Marriage is about partnership it should not matter who works, who leads, who drives, who cooks etc. All that matters is that the partnership is working well and everyone is happy. And there is the health issues which could appear at anytime in one's married life.

In a successful partnership appreciation, recognition of what is put in by either side is paramount otherwise one could feel exploited.

It is important know of each others limits. Expecting a partner to be what they are not or do what is beyond their abilities can create bitterness and sorrow. The Dear half should mean just that. By your loved one a bunch of flowers, wear a smile and surprise them by saying (I love you) :rotfl.You may even surprise yourself :thumbsup

 

I am a working wife/mom. I earned much higher than my husband when we were just married. But this so called Ego didn't allow my husband to appreciate or help me with my profession. He rather demanded so much, as I was asked to do all the chores at home (03 times cooking, cleaning, washing) without a maid. Well, all happened several years back when our life was completely ruled out by in laws.

Later I resigned my job as I had some pregnancy complications, and then stayed at home till my LO was 1 year old. During this, my husband started missing the "money" and the "Luxuries" that I bought home. Again issues started for not working. This period was also ruled completely by in laws.

Finally, I joined a work, a reasonably good one with salaries, but definitely not like the one I used to have before. I am able to manage with work/life balance, be a good mom at home, take care of my health, beauty etc..etc... Now a days my husband used to appreciate and help me with my profession. Meanwhile he has changed to equally a reasonable job as me. We both have no financial issues, we appreciate each others "extra" miles for balancing a happy home (ex, travelling, spending, being there for each other, helping the chores). However, this time we live on our own. Have no/limited communication with in laws, if that make sense????

 

Adding to my previous answer

Although, my husband doesn't openly appreciate me, I am sure he is very happy that I work.. When we go to parties or some body asks him about me, he proudly says my wife works for so and so company..
Without me working, neither me nor my husband would be able to support our parents financially.. Both inlaws and parents are so proud that we are in a good position and able to buy them the hi-tech stuff, which they could not afford themselves. Other than that, our kids also get full time private education, just because I work.. I feel so happy that I am a contributor in my family..

 

Re: Adding to my previous answer

good for u!

i suspect my hubby's greatest fear wud be me not going to work. though, i wud like to just at home (well not as a home-maker.....cos thats way tooo much of work for my liking) and do nothing but pamper myself all day long.

 

Re: Adding to my previous answer

i am loving it

 

Re: Adding to my previous answer

lol i m in same boat as well

 

Dear OP,
The idea of the husband being the financial provider and the wife taking care of the house doesn't hold true anymore. Stop believing that and half the battle is won. Now you just have to convince your husband.

More than appreciating, I think that there has to be a sense of fair play. It really doesn't matter how much each of you earns, since you are both putting in 40 hours of work each week, he needs to pitch in equally for the house hold tasks.
When you are both in a good mood, tell him that you aren't able to handle the stress of a job and house work and ask him if we can do with out the your salary. Just suggest that a couple of times, you don't even have to wait for him to respond , just move on. Gradually start suggesting budget cuts that you can make so that you guys will be able to manage on one income.

Stop asking him to do work around the work. Since you already fought with him to help out, dont discuss this in detail either. Just keep commenting about common luxuries that you plan to do without in the future so you can quit work.
Do it pleasantly and maybe pepper in a few personal luxaries that you plan to do without.
Also when you buy/invest in something that requires future payments , ask for his suggestion and discuss if he can continue payments in future when you aren't bringing in a paycheck.

The idea is to let him get used to the idea that he can't have all the good things in life - the money as well as the complete household taken care of. Since you (or your MIL) have done this for him for so long, he is not going to graciously accept that it is suddenly not available. Just let him get used to the fact that the money is going to be missing in the future. Do this patiently and only when you are in a good mood.
Fighting or forcing him to realise it never solves anything in the long term dear. From his point of view, you are asking him to do without a luxury that he has had from childhood...so give him a lot of gentle hints.

Also don't forget to appreciate him for any help he gives you. Let him know in words or action or both that he has made you happy and you are thankful.

PS: I am not suggesting that you actually give up your job. Please don't do that!