Help myself or help DH?

Ladies,

I have been married for 4 years and I have a child and I am VERY UNHAPPY with my marriage. Before we married, DH was lively, fun, responsible, dependable... but all has changed since marriage (some is given right? things "change"). We have serious IL issues which my husband "tells them off" all the time, but never deals with anything. Now DH is hitting rock bottom with depression and a constant zone. He works long hours to avoid home, only takes care of DS if I make him, yells at my family when we see them (yells at my siblings, rude to parents), and has been extremely undependable at home. He swears at me (calls me B and F), said he wants a divorce, does not want DS responsibilities, not taking care of health (drinking, eating bad), and anything I say makes things worse. But when I stay quiet he acts controlling.

He doesn't know (I did not tell him) that my ILs told my family that they hate us and do not want anything to do with us. They say that I have brainwashed their son and I treat my ILs very rudely, which I can say with confidence that I do not. I am very respectful. His family have always ganded up against me as soon as our marriage. They don't like that I am more modern -working, independent, yet still maintain indian heritage. And MIL told my parents that she told the ENTIRE family to not contact us anymore. If I tell him all this, it'll make everything worse. The sad thing is DH is just like them. I am realizing and I don't know how to handle this at all. My family treats DH like a king and he can treat them with such disrespect?? HOW?? I'm finding it hard to trust DH or depend on him.

He is now very unpleasant with everything. He doesn't allow me to spend money, even go to the doctor. He sometimes says yes, but then gets mad because it cost money. We are financially ok, so I don't understand. But he spends money, and it's not a problem!? He tries to make me feel guilty about everything I do for pleasure - like take DS out for park or playdates or get myself a cup of coffee.

He doesn't want to take any responsibilities expect work/make money. I am embarrassed to take him in public because he doesn't talk/stays mute and acts strange around people. I finally spoke to a few friends for help. He found out and became more furious. I don't want a divorce, but we need to work things out.. but I cannot convince him on anything. But I'm scared to know how the rest of my life will be with him. I am already overworked and not sleeping, eating, resting properly. We live in a very small town and I don't have many friends here either. So I have no outlet.

I was looking into getting my own business and he is not supportive. It's like he is jealous (my family gets along, I hold our home down meaning work and do home duties, I have a plan for our moving, but he can't make any plans etc...) and giving me a hard time about everything. And we want to move, but now he says for me to move by myself with DS and he doesn't want to move. He always sends mixed signals about everything.

I know all this sounds so superficial but it's not. Things are home are very bad! Please give me insight ladies.

 

No. They live a few hours away. And I am not always in touch with my family. I am not a much phone/facebook/email person. I usually talk to family if something is necessary. As a matter of fact he calls my family all the time (several times a week - FaceTime/phone)

 

He says no to MC. We went 1 time.