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Marriage:Love & Arranged

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cheer, Nov 7, 2006.

  1. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    My feelings !

    Hi All,

    Thanks to Rati, Safa, Varloo, Kamla and Latha for your response !

    It's interesting to see all your views about Parental role in Love Marriage.

    Varloo/Latha, You have a point to make ! Parents can sit and discuss these kind of issues with their children rather than the other family members ! Sitting and talking these kind of issues with other family members only complicate issues ! and also, what seems to be wrong in our case from other members point of view, might be right when it happens in their own family ! Am sure most of the family will have many 'Uncle' and 'Aunty' who may advice our parents and us against love and talk of the incident bringing disgrace to the entire family during family gettogethers and when the same thing happens in their son's or daughter's life they will adopt different philosophies and will tell our own parents, "afterall I want my child to be happy, its their life, so I said yes..." or much worse will attack our parents saying, "I didn't want to handle this issue like the way you did, I am confident of my children choice.... ", and make our parents look like a stupid and faulty at the end !

    I don't deny the trend is changing, but still there is a long way to go in most of the middle-class family to accept this as a nature process of life. There is still some amount of delicacy lingering into the minds of the parents when "love" matters are brouched by the kids even from the most "Broad-minded" families of today !

    Also I feel the major problem with parents are - they are not COMPLETELY confident with their children ! ..When the parents are very confident that their kids are well-educated and mature to know the world for other issues, why this lack of confidence on their kids capability just in this issue alone ? if the kids are well raised and taught strong cultural and family values, can't they realise, that upbringing will be reflected even on the selections that their kids make for choosing their partners ? Today's children, even if they find practical difficulties after love marriage, they do everything from their side to make it work ! They quickly address the gap in the 'cultural' difference of the families and tune themselves so well to fit into outgoing family scenario so apt...

    Mine was a love marriage too...It had the usual strong protest coming from both the sides, various reasons were given, rite from both the families difference in caste, school of thoughts, culture etc...To add fire, all josiyams and jaathagams became a BIG villian predicting worst repercussions within 6 months between us if the marriage happened, and its almost 2 yrs now, both the sides are seeing us happily living with each other ! The skepticism which both our parents had about our life together, is slowly changing, they are seeing things working out fine between us...!

    To prove, our love is right, living happily together is the only way to convince parents after our marriage, but to prove our decisions are right, what is the way to convince them before our marriage?? If a permament solution can be found to this problem, atleast our younger brothers and sisters who are likely to face such similar situations in the future, can tackle them smoothly with our parents and make a difference to their marriages atleast !

    Looking all the difficulties that one goes through in their life in matters like these, I feel I should not be the same with my kid when they grow up and probably get entangled in love ! I feel, I should handle the matter more as a friend with my kid, than as a mother. Being a mother, my emotions might block my mind ! But as a friend, my mind will be clear enough to look at the situation in all its practical sense and would be in a position to take more clear-cut decisions for my kid's betterment and happiness!

    Love,
    Preethi
     
  2. eja

    eja New IL'ite

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    arranged marriage article

    we see you have taken this article from rediff.com. this is a very popular article but i see you have not given credit to rediff.com and especially to the writer who has actually written this wonderful article. That is the procedure to be followed if quoting articles from other websites. When you quote articles in this manner, you are supposed to give credit to the writer in the same post, otherwise it looks as if you are claiming the work to be your own, which becomes copyright infringement. we suggest you immediately give proper credit for this article as well as any others you use, as other posters/bloggers always do, or take it down. when u post on public domain, you have this responsibility. thank you.
     
  3. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Eja, i was not aware of that, somebody forward it to me. I don't think this a very big deal?????????????????
     
  4. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kind attention: Cheer & Eja

    Hi Cheer,

    Thank you for sharing this article among our community members. We fully understand your intention of trying to share a nice article that you came across as a forwarded email.

    However, if this is published in some other site protected by copyrights, we are supposed to provide the information as source.

    Please refer this posting - http://www.indusladies.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2708 - about 'can we post contents taken from other site?' .

    Hi Eja,

    Please can you let us know verbatim how you want us to provide credit to the origin of this article, site published or the author of the article.

    We would be glad to do the same.
     
  5. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Induslady,

    If u go thru my old posts, u'll find i always provide source. But regarding this post i didn't know. I have no intension to take credit of this post. If this is a source frm rediff, can eja provide us the original link??? as i did my other posts.

    Cheers
     
  6. Sundhari Thevar

    Sundhari Thevar New IL'ite

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    Arranged marriage

    I have a question..
    I had met someone on the net he came down from USA alongwith his parents came down to meet me.
    After that they took the horoscope and CV and it has been three weeks but have not got back.
    They have not even replied saying that they are not interesed and i know for sure that he was very much interested in me.I have also sent him a mail asking his response but no reply from him.
    I am in doubt if they are doing a cross referral on this.
    I am worried of the delay...any views on this?
     
  7. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Be patient & don't be so curious. Don't show ur eagerness to him. Take them time. Marriage is a life time bond.

    Good Luck!
     
  8. Sundhari Thevar

    Sundhari Thevar New IL'ite

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  9. charu

    charu New IL'ite

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    hi Sundhari,

    i might be little bit rude but bottom line is forget himand luk for new guy dont waste u r time on such guy who doesnt ahve courtesy of replying you yes or no u surely will get sum gud guy.

    luv

    charu
     
  10. Sundhari Thevar

    Sundhari Thevar New IL'ite

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    Hey Thanks Charu,

    Actually Yesterday I saw his profile on Shaadi.com and 100% activity and was pretty shattered.:cry:
    I wrote to him saying that I do not want to go ahead with this.
    Unfortunately this is a little hurtful as I had choosen him.I had rejected all profiles shown by dad as they were according to his taste.But still I want to get settled which will also make my dad extremely happy.
    Dad has left the choice to me now.But I don't know when I would like someone again.Not looks but mostly the same wavelength which is not very common in our caste(Thevar)
     

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