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tricky mil trying to interfere thro' my son

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by daffodiill, Dec 20, 2012.

  1. daffodiill

    daffodiill Silver IL'ite

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    Hello IL's ..how was ur day ladies? mine was wonderful at the mor'ng but now i need someone to hear my feeling..my son is about 3 yrs and we recently came to our home (we 3 alone) from my inlaws place after a month time vacation...when my son did something i just scolded him not to ;to my surprise he says " if u shout at me i am going my grand ma's house.u be alone""...i was shocked i went near him and asked why r u saying so ..he said " grand ma only told me that you be here itself,tell your mom and dad alone to go to their home"".i asked him when she said this he said " when u went out with dad for getting new invitation "" .i was taken back..though i know she is cunning but i never expected to show her tricks to a 3 yr old baby..
    Every time my FIL will ask us leave my son and go but my husband will never agree..moreover my MIL will say that child should be with his parents only..one day also fil said the same thing imm my mil said that no he has to be with hhis mother only..i was thinking how good she is atleast in this..now after my son is reaction i was totally wounded.how could she be behaving like this???
    Now my prob is my son.constantly keeps saying this that he will go to his grand ma leaving me..though i may be hurt-ed emotionally ;its affecting his behavior,his discipline...i dont know how i am going to handle him because my MIL pampers him so much and when i scold him for doing anything absolutely wrong he asks for my MIL..i have a very different child..he goes to that person who will not scold him at anytime,but for this i can't neglect his bad behavior as he is growing fast...so pl ladies help in this, how to handle my son and CUNNING MIL..I AM IRRITATED SO MUCH THAT I FEEL LIKE FUGHTING WITH MY DH..i know that is not right so trying to cope up on my own..has anyone got answers...advices..pl share it..:hide:
     
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  2. OliveOyl

    OliveOyl Gold IL'ite

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    You can tell your son that your MIL will not be able to feed him or run around with him or something. Find some thing that you do that your son loves and tell him that you can do it better than your MIL. I know it is a bit sneaky, but after all he is 3.

    Ignore your MIL and carry on with your life. You dont have to react to everything she says. If she insists to YOU that your son should stay with her, tell her politely that you would do it when he is old enough. Leave it open ended, and then there might be a day in which you yourself might take up her offer and go for a short romantic vacation with your husband. :)
     
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  3. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh god these insecure ladies.....

    For some time ignore indiscipline from your son, & instead of scolding him, talk to him & distract from what he is doing wrong....I mean you have to give him discipline lessons, but just don’t scold him or he will use that line again....

    Keep telling or reading stories to him about mother-child bond....on how a child is safe with his mother than anywhere else....

    My mil does such tricks too & I have been doing above things so he is not inclined to her....atleast you don’t stay together thats the best part....

    Whatever you tell to distract your kid, just don’t directly tell anything bad about his grandmom or that will back fire on you.
     
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  4. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    Do one thing ask your MIL that why she teach this stupid thing to your baby...and tell her what you are feeling..so that in future she will think 10times before anything...this is the only solution...
    Don't show any anger on your baby..and tell him that this is his home..so he have to stay here...
     
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  5. ppriya182010

    ppriya182010 Gold IL'ite

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    I think sometimes grandparents go overboard and say such things. I know it hurts you. When my parents were with us, they kept saying to my 3.5 yr old to come along with them. Now my DD says that she wants to go to granny. But then she wants me to come along! :)

    Try to do all fun things with ur DS and let him forget it. Don't show any emotions in front of him when he says it. Just ignore it and change topic as if you never listened to it. Soon he will get it that mom doesn't bother if I say so and will stop saying it. They are small and forget it soon.

    Next time you meet them, just bring it up in a light, casual way that your DS said so and its not a good thing to tell such things to kids. Make sure its in front of your DH and FIL, not in front of the kid. Very politely, friendly! Lets hope they get the point!
     
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  6. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sometimes grandparents say it out of love - Oh, leave your parents and come to us, we will gve you etc etc. You say she otherwise says children should stay with parents. Maybe now she got used to a small kid at home for a month. Just a different way to see things. Children always like people who dont scold them. My sister's kid plays with someone on the plane for 5 min and then cries that he wants to go with them! Kids will be kids. Dont keep this grudge within you or your relations will go bad. Like someone said, try to distract him. At the same time, dont stop disciplining your son or he will be spoilt. Somehow find a delicate balance. Good luck!
     
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  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    OP u are over-analyzing a 3 yr olds words. "If u say something I will go to grandma" is a weapon that kids have used for millennia.
    My kids say that pretty much every time I take them to task. 'I want to go to thatha pattis house"(Peaks after our visits to India) Spoiling these little angels is what grandparents are supposed to do. You are his mom and nothing and no one will take that place.Ever. Stop feeling so insecure about little things.
     
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  8. monu21

    monu21 Senior IL'ite

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    same happened to me also through my SIL and MIL when my son was 2 1/2 years old..i wouldnt bear it but somehow managed by not leaving my son alone with them..always used to be with him.patience plays more part .here you cant change these tricky people behaviour.instead spend more time with your child ,playing with him,shouting at him for his behaviour...now my son is 6years old ,changed a lot ,wnt say whatever they tell him.things changes as they grow..they will know who is important.....so your kid is too young to understand .when he says he wants to go to grandma's house,at that point divert his mind tell him they are old people and we shouldnt disturb them .they should take rest...in such a way the kid's mind will change...dnt worry everything will change when time passes........
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont show a big reaction when he says it. Even if you feel hurt, dont be dramatic, just keep a neutral expression. Kids that age dont know anything They will say anything and everything. If they see they are getting a big reaction for something then only they will repeat that. If he sees he is not able to get reaction from you he will stop.
     
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  10. daffodiill

    daffodiill Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for replying..know i got to know how to handle this..will surely try to avoid and ignore as many said..
     

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