Baby feeding

Januu · Dec 13, 2012

Dear friends,

I'm a reasonably good follower of IL and I've read so many threads on MIL issues and other stuff too. After 3 years of my marriage life, now I'm really forced to post this thread, cos I'm desperately in need of advice from you nice ladies.

I recently delivered a baby girl and after her birth I was breast feeding her veryyyy well. Even the nurses around was encouraging me and telling me constantly -- hey u r getting good amount of breastmilk and i feel it is good you continue it and ur baby will get good immunity. I was doing that very well. When my baby got some infection and was admitted in the hospital, my milk supply stopped veryyy well in my left breast. Once she got discharged after a period of 7days, I told my MIL that my left breast doesnt produce much and the doctors have adviced me to breastfeed her and to give her formula in b/w whenever her hunger is not satisfied. That is the biggest mistake I've made and I regret it like anything.

Now my mil is not even allowing me to breastfeed my baby and giving her formula most of the time during the day. I directly told her several times "Amma whenever she gets hungry, please give her to me, I will feed her first and if that is not enuf you can give her formula later". she doesnt even listen to any of these. when the baby is with them and when I come to the living room after sleep/after bath, she will be feeding my baby - formula. And more than 5 times I've asked her, Amma give her to me, I will breastfeed her. she keeps on saying -- Wait wait she is enjoying this, then her mood will go off and she may nt like it alll blah blah blah.

This being on one side, she keeps on saying everyone of our friends and relatives --- "This girl is not at all able to produce any breastmilk and we have to go only with Formula". How come they can behave like this.

Actually I forgot to mention one thing -- for my delivery my mom was not able to come since my father passed away very recently. Now I'm feeling really really bad that my parents are not able to be here with me and help me in breastfeeding well my baby, so that she will get good immunity and doesnt get admitted in the hospital very often.

Please ladies, I desperately need your kind advice on this.

ashwiniks79 · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

Hi Januu,
I would suggest you start pumping the milk and store it, that way you can ask your MIL to feed your newborn your milk when you are not around. Now that your daughter is already being bottle fed, it should not make any difference to her. If she is not full, you always have the option of formula

tashidelek2002 · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

It's my understanding that the crucial immunity gaining period is the first ten days and then the milk is mainly food source. You have done well to do that so do the best you can with the breastfeeding but be at east that your baby is OK. Too much pressure flying around and you are still post partum hormonal.

Ranjitjayanthi · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

Hi Jaanu

Congrats on the arrival of ur baby ... dear you can also get yourself a pump and store then , pass it to your amma to feed in the event u are not avail or unwell. (formula milk can be used to compensate if the baby is still hungry)
for the first 6 months Bf is the best medicine & food for the infant

i heard that o ucan still express your milk n feed teh baby even if you are unwell (can check with doctor)

Do continue to breastfeed ur baby.
The more you latch the baby , the supply will increase & its good for both of you.

have good meals, try to relax more jannu.. the baby is yours n you should be feeding as long as you are comfortable , Yo uare also suppose to take care of yourself jannu ...u need time to recover/ regain

(I m a a working mother my kid is 13 months - i m still continuing bf after office even if the supply is low, i find it happy to feed him as it satisfies me .

well i do get grinning faces when i claim i m still continuing bf they ask WHY ?? i Dunn care/ mind

Rihana · Dec 13, 2012

1. Store all the baby formula cans, tins, free samples, pouches in a cupboard that can be locked.
2. Lock it.
3. Store the key where MIL cannot reach it without your knowledge. And consent.

Women over the world have used the bra as a storage for things valuable, like money... and keys..

That's the least stressful solution I can think of.

jaanu143 · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

Hi jannu
Bring her out of ur room only after breastfeeding immediatly after getting up...
Mostly babies do consume while sleeping.......so u be on her side while sleeping so that u can use that time....
Tell her strongly that this milk is more imp to ur baby, as she is a mother she have to understand that.....
Take care of ur baby......

1Sandhya · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

LOL at Rihana's suggestion on where to hide the key! :thumbsup

OP, Why are you begging her to give the baby? Keep the baby with you. Give her to them only after feed is done. She can put her to sleep. Secondly there is no 'whenever she gets hungry...' As a newbie mom you need to understand that right away. Do you think baby will open her mouth and say grandma give me food? The only way you cn tell a baby is hungry is to offer it food and continue offering persistently for some time. If baby doesnt want it will close its mouth. You just have to keep offering regularly at very frequent intervals. As soon as you give baby to mil she is offering formula thats all. So, answer is simple. Offer baby feed BEFORE you give her. With BM, babies eat as frequently as 1 or 1.5 hr intervals. Note carefully what mil asks when you give baby to her. She will ask when did you feed her? If it is more than 30 mins or 1 hr it is fair game to offer food again immediately. So as soon as you give baby and leave she is immediately feeding baby. Probably feeling quite superior also that you dont know anything. So get this 'every 3 hours schedule' or 'I will feed baby only whenever she is hungry' out of your mind. with BM it doesnt work. Baby WILL be hungrier with only BM so you HAVE to offer much more often.

If this is that much important to you then you have to put effort for 2-3 days. Postpone all other work and give this top priority. Keep her with you next few days and feed on demand. This will also give you a very good idea of just how often baby is getting hungry. One very good tip is first thing in the morning, turn on your side and feed the baby. Practice 1-2 times during daytime, you will get the knack very fast. Once you master this, you can do this at night also. Only after that get up and give baby to ILs and go for bath etc. You will get a good break to do your work and even if she tries formula baby will be full.

Update: 1. Feed on demand will restore your supply. Just be patient. Go to bed with bunch of novels and stay there with baby for 2 days. Make sure you stay hydrated and your milk will return. 2. Milk supply is all or nothing. You probably have a blocked milk duct on the side where supply has stopped. Google on how to clear that. Using hot shower for long time and lot of hand massage is sufficient to clear the block.

coolwinds · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

why people believe a factory made product to be better than mother's milk for her baby, i will never understand. formula is for when baby cannot get mother's milk for some reason.

the more your baby gets habituated to being bottle fed, the harder it will be for you to breastfeed her. make it a habit to breastfeed your baby when she is with you and handover AFTER feeding. it's a special bonding time for you and baby! take Rihanna's suggestion and lock away the formula. be firm and just take baby from MIL when you need to breastfeed. YOU are the mother, why do you need to ask her? every relationship has a boundary, by not allowing you access to your own baby for feeding, your MIL is crossing that line. she may not mean anything malicious by this, just under a misguided notion that formula fed babies that look chubby are "healthier".

keep pumping sessions limited to when you cannot feed baby yourself. relax. enjoy your baby, she is your number one priority now, ignore the others. they should understand how special this time is for a new mother!

lukywife · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

Sad on your fathers demise. First dont stress yourself too much. You should strictly convey them, not to speak about breastfeeding thing to others. Who is she to speak bad about You? Dont care about them and enjoy your new motherhood without bothering about the things which dont deserve your worries.

ShilpaMa · Dec 13, 2012

Re: Why can't you bear me breastfeeding my baby??

Congratulations for ur baby and try to become a tiger mother now... even if it comes on expense of being rude or nasty.
My MIL did for following reasons:

1) She has a peanut size brain filled with crap.
2) She feels this is the only way a mother & child bonds... hence remove any scope of bonding.
3) She felt my milk was too thin and the baby will end up being thinner than me.. hence feed wt gain formula for chubby baby... to resemble them.
4) She claimed it to be her child (a very strong bonding) and hence knew whats best for her.
5) She wanted to ship this child to complete her daughter's family.
6) Wud throw away expressed milk... since thats not a natural way.
7) Wud keep the child only with her... bring her when fast asleep to feed and the moment I'll take her.. wud snap her away telling she just drank and slept.

How it got over:
------------------
There was a day when she had to return... without the child... however by then the child would not BF anymore.. I had to express close to a yr and feed the child. She came a bit to her senses on return and by then the child wud not go to anyone else.
If yours are not returning then gather some more strength and make it clear that the child is going to remain with you.

Never ever trust her again or confide into her for anything emotional... this woman is only going to use it against you.