How to move on in life

you cannot marry someone because you felt sorry for them and did not know how to say no. he is who who he is, has not tried to paint a false picture of who he is. you went in to this knowing he's not the one. you are being unfair.

at this point, you can try and start accepting him as he is. or you can move on.

 

I see this as a vent, since you were gracious enough to say yes cos you couldn't hurt the other person :bonk You prolly are going to adjust to live life anyways. No amount of suggestions here is going to change the person your dh is.

 

I can understand what u might be going through, first of all you compromised on the day one for this marriage just becoz ur husband will feel bad so we cannot change that but thank god you got a good husband except for 2 issues which are communication gap and financial planning
First of all stop regretting about ur past regarding the decision u have made to marry ur husband. You cannot rewrite the past so try to accept the fact that u need to live with him.
Stop comparing ur life with others whom u think they made better decisions in choosing life partners and their life is far better than you
No marriage is perfect and every couple need to work on the marriage through out life may be ..
You said ur husband is very genuine and loving and caring towards you and I hope you are reciprocating the same thing towards him, if not try to be more loving and caring towards him than before

Regarding this communication gap thing, though u need to initiate the talks , so what there is nothing wrong in that , try to know his interests and talk on those subjects .... I was like your husband and my husband was very talkative and outgoing but overthe years I changed so people change but u need to make efforts in involving him more in things which he likes and then he will talk about them.
U said u have a son so both of you try to involve with him and meeting people who have same age group children and try to mingle with them socially
There are so many men who talk nicely with women and they will be flirting and having affairs at the back of wife so you are lucky that ur husband is a good person so try to increase the bond between both of you ... Try to go to some new places , vacations ...
When relationship between u and ur husband grows stronger then he will disclose himself more to you ...

Divya

 

I totally agree with everyone who said that you made the mistake of saying yes when you wanted to say no.
You married him because you didnt want to hurt him.
What about now? Do you want to hurt him by saying all these things?
Either you accept him for what he is or just leave him if you really cant take it anymore.These are the two options.
Trust me,you cant change him or anyone overnight.Dont worry about him not talking to friends/relatives.Worry about him talking to you.
He talks openly to his family because they dont judge him,they accept him,love him unconditionally for what he is.You stop pressurising him,accept him genuinely and slowly he will open up and talk to you.:my2cents

 

This is officially my first post. I'm a new member to Indusladies. I have been a silent reader as a guest for a while. I am a 24 year old single woman. I don't have experience being in a marriage but I think I'm capable of providing feedback to those in need of advice.

To each, the problem the person is facing is a BIG issue. Take a step back and look at your husband as a big picture. If you ask me, your husband being someone who communicates with you very little shouldn't be a reason for you move on in life. Have you tried bringing up a topic he's really into? Maybe that might help him. My dad wasn't much of a talker when my mom married him. He still isn't. He's communicates better now than before.

 

kakku,

Maybe I am mistaken but I dont see such a big problem with your h. Sounds like he is quiet, family type guy, loyal to family members. Is that so bad? Son-in-law being quiet in family gatherings is usually appreciated as a sign of humility and maturity. Think again. I dont want to go point by point but I feel you are being very hard on yourself unnecessarily. Please stop telling yourself you felt sorry and said yes. That is also a source of your angst.

Look there are 2 kinds of problems in married life. One is the daily minor irritations, the daily khit-khit, or the natural rubbing together of 2 different personalities. The other kind are the really big, insoluble problems like infidelity, no love, addiction, jobless and refuses to get a job, dowry demands, quarrelsome or wantonly cruel person etc requiring parents or lawyers to step in. Sounds to me like your problems belong to first group. By no means, am I minimizing the daily irritations you are going through due to personality differences. But you should understand that everybody has that. That is why we come to IL, to crib and vent and read others stories and feel better. Try to find a way around the daily irritations. To me, it doesnt sound like you have such a big, deal-breaker kind of problem that you have to contemplate divorce.
He loves you genuinely and you have a child you both adore. That is worth keeping, isnt it? Use your smarts and tackle the remaining issues creatively.

 

Heyyy Akkamma..........where is Jakkamma?....................................................................................from under chair: sorry sorry...please ..could not control it. i dint write that ...you dint read that. okay?
so welcome here

 

And.. did I read it or not?:rotfl
If Akkamma likes your bit, I am in, else I don't know who you are. :hide:

 

chi ...drohi (chair)a friend in need is a frend in deed is a frend in need.......write this ten times daily.