How do I handle this?

klniha · Nov 12, 2012

Hi all,

I need your help in tackling these situations below. As one quoted before, to ask for advice before doing something, instead of asking after I react. I am asking for your opiniong before

1. I know when anyone logs in online to view the call logs etc. My husband doesnt know this. I see that my husband (noone else knows the password other than me) is logging in to the online phone account too often these days. And with our previous fights etc I feel he is spying on calls made to my parents. He usually doesnt login but I see he is logging in frequently these days, there is no other work he could do logging in. I want to ask him why but then he would ask how I knew. And I dont want him to know, I know. So thought I could lie saying, the phone guys called to find out if everything was alright as there is lot of online account activity of late. But it hits my conscience as lying. Tell me what to do. I somehow feel uneasy to think he is spying on my call logs.

2. I and my MIL had a big fight and are not on talking terms. My inlaws call weekends to see my kiddo online and talk, I feel uneasy when this is going on, they dont ask about me, I dont speak to them, I feel uneasy when I hear MILs voice and remember all the things she said to me. My husband looks at my face and he might want me to talk to them but never said so but he never speaks when I am on face toface call with my parents, so neither do I, until inlaws ask. And they arent asking after the fight. My DH dint say anything to me, neither did I but I can feel the uneasiness in the air. What do I do, ignoring is good but I wish my husband stood up for me then I wouldve may be forgiven her and spoken to her. But without his support nor her apology, I dont feel like talking to them, but its bothering me. Goddddd Help me.

Thanks

ruknights · Nov 12, 2012

klniha said: ↑

Hi all,

I need your help in tackling these situations below. As one quoted before, to ask for advice before doing something, instead of asking after I react. I am asking for your opiniong before

1. I know when anyone logs in online to view the call logs etc. My husband doesnt know this. I see that my husband (noone else knows the password other than me) is logging in to the online phone account too often these days. And with our previous fights etc I feel he is spying on calls made to my parents. He usually doesnt login but I see he is logging in frequently these days, there is no other work he could do logging in. I want to ask him why but then he would ask how I knew. And I dont want him to know, I know. So thought I could lie saying, the phone guys called to find out if everything was alright as there is lot of online account activity of late. But it hits my conscience as lying. Tell me what to do. I somehow feel uneasy to think he is spying on my call logs.

2. I and my MIL had a big fight and are not on talking terms. My inlaws call weekends to see my kiddo online and talk, I feel uneasy when this is going on, they dont ask about me, I dont speak to them, I feel uneasy when I hear MILs voice and remember all the things she said to me. My husband looks at my face and he might want me to talk to them but never said so but he never speaks when I am on face toface call with my parents, so neither do I, until inlaws ask. And they arent asking after the fight. My DH dint say anything to me, neither did I but I can feel the uneasiness in the air. What do I do, ignoring is good but I wish my husband stood up for me then I wouldve may be forgiven her and spoken to her. But without his support nor her apology, I dont feel like talking to them, but its bothering me. Goddddd Help me.

Thanks
Click to expand...

Hi,

1. you are looking to create problem out of absolutely nothing. If he asks you why you are calling your parents frequently, then you have a problem. TILL THEN, dont think about it...

2. your MIL is never going to apologize to you even if she is wrong. it's really upto you whether you want to talk to her or not. if she is bad, you and your dh are already living sepearate. Why do you want to talk to her if she is bad anyway? whatever it is, her son (your dh) isnt gonna prompt her (his own mother) to apologize to you.

sravanitenali · Nov 12, 2012

I second Ruknights..

Dont unnecessarly get into troubles..

Your DH neither pressure you to talk to his mom nor asked about your topics with your mom on phone....

Good luck

Endlesshope · Nov 12, 2012

Totally agree with ruknights.
Your dh standing up for you is only going to push you down the hole further, cause now all they can think is you have lobotomized their precious son if you can sense an uneasiness in the air do the smooth talk with your mil and play the twisted game.

apaasn · Nov 13, 2012

klniha said: ↑

Hi all,

I somehow feel uneasy to think he is spying on my call logs.

Thanks
Click to expand...

Imagine how how he will feel when he knows that you are spying on him!
you think he is spying on you,so you spy on him.:cheers you both are made for each other.Why should you feel uneasy? Let him check his online account,let him see how many calls are made? SO what? Have you done anything wrong? Then stop feeling uneasy.

sweetshreya · Nov 13, 2012

1. That spying thing is mutual. You both are spying on each other. So, no big deal. Don't ask him about it, otherwise it will backfire. And don't lie about calls from phone service. You may have to lie more to cover it.

2. I know it is uncomfortable to have video chatting on when you are not at speaking term with MIL. I face it every weekend. Generally I go and work in kitchen. As DH chats on his smartphone, there is no escape being seen. Just ignore. You will get used to it eventually. Like I did.

1Sandhya · Nov 13, 2012

klniha,

1. Dont even go there. Leave it alone. Total non issue.
2. He is not pressuring you to talk so ignore your uneasiness and keep quiet for now. After a few days, just start talking to them normally. Start with saying hi at the beginning of video call and let it progress slowly. Dont bring up the fight or try to justify.
One suggestion: Dont know how bad the fight was or the details but maybe on Diwali or New Year when he skypes them you can voluntarily go to screen with kiddo and wish them together. Just wish them, nothing more nothing less. Dont wait for their reaction, dont react yourself, just say the words nicely, smile and go away. It will be a start.

Ragini25 · Nov 13, 2012

1. He spys you, you spy him, you are made for each other in distrusting each other.
2. For your second point, Stay out of it for now.

klniha · Nov 13, 2012

It indeed was a good decision to post before I reacted. Thanks @1Sandhya for that suggestion.

Thanks everyone, time to let go I guess but I decided eventhough I am feeling uneasy will never speak to MIL.