problems because of no physical relation

sampadaPhadke · Oct 30, 2012

Hi ILs,

If you read my previous post it is about the same problem.
Physical relationship problem.
My DH is a very nice person. He loves me a lottttttt. He sees me as a very very beautiful girl. Inspite of all this we are facing problems with our sex life.
He never used to touch/kiss/hold my hand before marriage (It was more of a brotherly love and I thought he is a perfect gentleman who knows that he needs to wait till we get married).
After marriage, I saw intimacy for 2-3 days only. Later there was nothing. He hardly initiates sex. I have had a nice talk about my expectation to him. He listened and did not comment much. He never kisses me , never hugs me, never does any naughty thing, nothing at all. He is like an elder brother (except for a day or 2 per month) who takes very good care of me.
I have tried initiating but got a cold reaction. I have tried seducing but again cold reaction.
Day-before-yesterday I had a nice talk with him again and told him that lot of couples who are working they make a point to have sex atleast during weekend.
Yesterday, he even initiated for my sake though he was not interested but no use (it happened first time that he initiated but was facing problem ejaculating).
He told me that he will see a doctor. But ejaculation problem happened just once yesterday. Otherwise the main problem is he can ejaculate just that sex never happens between us or hardly happens or any other pysical touching does not happen.

If i even think that he does not initiate sex because he faces problem ejaculating then also what makes him so cold in just hugging or kissing or anything physical with his DW ?

What do you think?
What should i do ?

Decentguy · Oct 30, 2012

Hi OP

After I read your title I was like "Not again" "Once more intimacy related thread..."

I am not sure if you are newly married or its been few years since your marriage, but please do a search on intimacy related threads on Indus ladies and I am sure you will get lot of knowledge and information.

There can be many reasons for him not to be interested.

nandita24 · Oct 30, 2012

May be you should read this: Part 2: Monogamy is a Patriarchal Myth (& Other Things Your Parents Probably Never Taught You) | EcoSalon | Conscious Culture and Fashion

Nandita

MaritalBliss · Oct 30, 2012

It could be that he is not comfortable in displays of affections..some men are that way.

As for intimacy, since u want more than him and he is not able to provide that, I feel that u both are not compatible in terms of sex drive. He has low drive..he needs to see a doc and maybe there are meds for that.

Is there any possibility that he is not attached to females?

sankarimaheswar · Oct 30, 2012

please do not post such personal things in a forum since , we can not trust everyone. i think your problem is not a big one to be worried. you can personally speak to your husband. both of you can consult a doctor. you can approach your dear friend in person.i advise this to you as an elderly person.people may take advantage of you in the pretext of advising

hgulla · Oct 31, 2012

Ejaculations happens only when he is really turned on and enjoying sex. I see his act as being forced due to your concerns and talks. Give him some more opportunities and try to have a lot of foreplay to bring him into mood totally. Also some people have trouble ejaculating due to condoms, in fact condoms can cause aversions to some men from sex. Find out if that's the case and see if it helps without using it.

Get him more used to your body and touch, just cuddle naked and have foreplay without having sex. That way his mind will not feel the pressure to perform and keep you happy. Something tells me he is nervous about sex. The fact your are setting your "expectation" and comparing yourselves with other couples might have turned him off. I am not saying what you did is wrong, I am trying to understand your husband's psychology and how he could perceive your actions. He could see you as a higher sex drive person and his self esteem might be low for his inability to meet your demands. Seeing a sex therapist will definitely help him.

All the best!

hgulla · Oct 31, 2012

Also refer through this thread
Some folks have given some great advice there.

nandita24 · Oct 31, 2012

Thanks to hgulla for the excellent and informative write-up in the thread.

I came across this bit of info. in another website:

Safed musli, a very potent ayurvedic aphrodisiac herb, has been proven to be extremely beneficial in treating low libido and erectile dysfunction. Safed musli is also an excellent remedy for several other male conditions, including infertility, oligospermia or low sperm count, premature ejaculation, and physical weakness. It has the ability to increase your sperm count and semen motility, and thereby improves your fertility.
Safed musli capsules are helpful in curing erectile dysfunction, male impotence and infertility. One of the best ways to cure erectile dysfunction and to increase the desire for sex or libido is to take one or two safed musli capsules twice daily with water or milk. Safed musli capsule is an ayurvedic herbal supplement that contains other aphrodisiac herbs in addition to safed musli. Taking these capsules seems to be effective to raise energy levels, boost physical power, improve stamina, relieve fatigue, and enhance immunity system. They help rejuvenate your body and health, build muscle mass, and improve blood circulation.

Ref:Are Safed Musli Helpful In Treating Erectile Dysfunction? - Ayurvedic Treatments

See if this is useful: http://www.diabetes-natural-treatment.com/safed-musli.htm

http://www.dhathupushty.com/ Revolutionary Breakthrough inSexual Stimulant for Men (Aphrodisiac)

Nandita

sumaramesh · Oct 31, 2012

Dear Sampada

If you have already tried, discussing this thing with him, and have tried to dress good and seduce him,

I think its time to see a Doctor(Would treat him if required)and also may be counsellor..
(Counsellor would help him to overcome shy or less interest or any confusions he has about sex life)

Dont put him down or hurt him..It would hurt his ego, be very supportive and convince him to check with doc once..

nandita24 · Oct 31, 2012

Some more interesting articles on aphrodisiacs: <code class="Blue"></code><code class="Blue"></code>

http://www.futurescopes.com/love-and-sex/aphrodisiacs-men/1159/ashwagandha-root-seeds-and-extract-aphrodisiacs-men

<code class="Blue"><code class="Blue"><code class="Red"></code></code><code class="Blue">http://www.merinews.com/article/an-indian-alternative-to-viagra/129625.shtml
<code class="Blue">
<code></code> <code class="Blue"></code> http://www.muslipowerxtramusli.com/

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