1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Physical Intimacy Issues- good marriage counselor/therapist ?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by praks, Sep 29, 2010.

  1. Nabzie

    Nabzie Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    after reading this thread i got a question in mind. You people say since you do not have sex and everything else,. how does your man satisfy himself...I am sure no guy can control it ... they need to atleast masturbate.. . your ideas please
     
  2. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    40
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    U will not believe my life is also some way in the same track... even my husband not interested in sex ... he will do it only once or twice in month ... even when he does it will be only for hardly 2 mins not at all enough to my satisfaction. I told him about this many times but he always gives reasons that his work is hard n he tired n all but i think he not interested in me or wht i don;t know... but same like u he is so caring loving n always we both do kissing cuddling n all........ no clue wht to do to solve my problem
     
  3. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    40
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    noo we married from 2 yrs and i have 6 months old son also..
     
  4. hgulla

    hgulla Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    242
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> This post is for all the ladies who have intimacy issues and the husband is unwilling to go to a therapist or a counselor, but is open to trying a stimulant. Also this is only for ladies who are happy with him in other aspects.

    Even before I start, wanted to give you some information on sex surrogates (Sexual surrogate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia). They are specially trained therapists dealing with intimacy and other issues. Also if you are unsure how to find a sex therapist and a surrogate, get a referral from an urologist (some urologists deal with male sexual problems). OB-GYNs also give referrals.

    DISCLAIMER: I’m going to be pretty explicit about my choice of words, my intent is to help and not talk anything vulgar.

    @somedude: While Viagra or Cialis work, they have harmful side effects. So no doctor would prescribe them unless there is a real physical problem.

    Erectile Dysfunction or ED (inability to have a lasting erection) can be both physical and/or psychological. Most of the cases in this thread point to psychological. If your husband has erection at night or morning and has no problems masturbating, then the ED is psychological.

    If he is diabetic or has high BP or has low testosterone levels or taking medications for anxiety there could be physical problems.

    So ascertain what sort of ED your husband has.

    If he is NOT taking third party help by way of therapy, one route to go is see a doctor and get a prescription for Viagra, but the side effects are a BIG problem.

    The main thing I wanted to focus in this post was some herbal supplements with minimal or no side effects that really help.

    Why this route? Men’s sexual mood is like a motor, to start is the problem, the moment it’s on, it’s on. By no way I’m an advocate of meds, but based on your accounts here I see this could actually work without much push back from your husband.

    1. Horny Goat Weed daily supplement. Epimedium - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This has low side effects and works for many people. Amazon carries this product in brands such as Nature’s bounty etc. But read up reviews on which is best and make sure there are no fake reviewers. Let me know if you need help to spot out fake reviewers. This is like Viagra but does not act right away. It takes about a week to start seeing the results. This increases sex drive and helps have stronger erections.

    2. Tribulus Terrestris (Tribulus terrestris - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) is another supplement which increases testosterone levels. This will increase the sex drive and is eaten in combination with Horny Goat Weed.

    3. Ashwagandha (Withania somnifera - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) – I have personal experience with this. I started to have this on recommendation from a friend for of my stress and poor sleep. She has been taking it for a long time and I have been taking it for about 2 months. It has really helped me deal with stress and it works. As a side effect I am seeing a real increase in my sex drive (which was normal before, but its high now). I don’t have anything to blame but this. So this is definitely a good try from my own account.

    4. Other thing I heard about is Watermelon. Apparently plenty of watermelon increases the blood flow to penis, causing an erection.

    There are other things that are in Amazon and other sites, for ex. Weekend Warrior, but those are mostly not real or rip off. So be very careful on that.

    More than anything, regular exercise is very helpful for your husband. Especially weight training helps body generate more testosterone which in turn increases sex drive.

    Also try and find out what fantasy your DH has, some men are into lingerie, some are into role play, some are in saree etc. They will be embarrassed to share that with you because of the fear the wife thinks she is being used as an object. IMO fulfilling his fantasy will change things drastically. When things were OK with my wife, she wears a saree sometimes to tease me; I could never resist that, every single time. Some men are into ****, may be by watching together it may go wild after a point while it is also running. If you think you are stooping so low by fulfilling his fantasies, I don’t know what to tell you. I am only telling this because your husband and you have a problem and you love him very much. If you are not happy with him otherwise, may be people would advise you divorce etc.

    Also a change from normal setting that we are so used to will help. Like stay in a hotel one weekend, just like that, or in a resort close to home. I think that may help change the mind that things are different.

    I hope you got something useful out of this post. Hope your husband understands and appreciates your concern and efforts, and works with you.

    All the best!
    <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:punctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true" DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99" LatentStyleCount="267"> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->
     
    5 people like this.
  5. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,760
    Likes Received:
    4,258
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Your post is very decent and informative. I request mods to leave this post unedited as I am sure it will be helpful for many. Except for the occasional trolls, most male members here are very decent and their posts add perspective to the problems that females struggle with. I like to thank you and other male ilites for your contribution & choice of words that keep the forum comfortable!
     
    2 people like this.
  6. jive

    jive Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Not addressing anyone, but one of my friends had a similar prob and found her husband to be gay atlast. He admitted to marrying her coz of parental pressure. Very painful when I saw her go through a rough time all the way and finally it was nothing she could do. He used to stay with roomies from young age and gets aroused seeing men and not women!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Pika14

    Pika14 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female

    Hi Praks,

    I am a believer of "No Marriage is Perfect" too. Every marriage will have its share of problems.
    Based on your narration, I understand the things below: (my intention is not get critical about your Husband, but I have to tell u this)
    1) Your husband loves u too much and has put u on a pedestal.
    (I dont see anything wrong with that. There are so many in this world dying to have a husband like that. U are actually lucky, be proud of that)
    2) Maybe he looks at u as a little girl who needs to be protected. Maybe its coz of his relationship with his sister or female friends being good.
    (Not his fault, this is the way we are brought up in an Indian family set up. Girls are delicate, never hurt them, always keep them happy etc... is what we have heard our parents say. Be happy and proud again coz, millions of girls are suffering coz of husbands not being like yours)
    3) He wants to keep happy, hence the cuddling bit. I don’t know if u count yourself among the people who hurt a little during the act. But such a group exists.
    (Here I would like to tell u a little story. My friend has a similar problem. The 1st time they had, it hurt her like it does for many and she was in tears that shook her new husband. And since then their intimacy stuck to cuddling with “sex” occasionally, when confronted the husband said that he was not an animal and just for 5mis of joy he didn’t want to hurt his lovely wife)

    When everything is perfect except for "sex" then I think this is the compromise that your Marriage is demanding. So be it. But if this stands as a hurdle to get a baby into your lives then it needs to be addressed. I am sure u and your husband don’t want to stay childless forever. Your husband would listen to you more than anyone else in this world. So u should stress on the point that babies dont come without "sex" and find the right way to convince him to have babies. And this generation, it is not easy to make babies like our parents and grand parents generation. Due to our lifestyle, food etc.. it is a difficult journey to even conceive. Once u lure him into the baby making then he will have to indulge in 'sex' many a times each month to achieve the goal. U are still 25ish & not that your body clock is ticking annoyingly loud :), so u have time but the months and years u are supposedly trying to have a baby will actually solve the problem at hand to an extent.

    It is true like u pointed out, after a baby “sex” takes a backseat, coz the priorities change. Why don’t u look at it this way (the optimist u are), maybe things will change for the better, for u after the baby. :) what say?
    Looking back after 10-20 yrs you definitely will regret not doing it when u could. Ask yourself whether u are doing everything to help your situation now...

    1 thing that I want to stress on is that, you can get a Husband to do what u want (& viceversa of course) with a lot of love and finding the right time and right words... And the Wife is the only one who has a key to it. Noone can advice u on how u could do it coz every couple is different.

    Marriage is a beautiful journey with all its ups and downs, and if you have the company of a good friend who loves you come what may, who is there for you at all times, cuddles up with u, lets u be what u are etc… then it becomes easy. Remember Marriage is not just “Sex”. “Sex” is just a part of Marriage.

    Having said that, if your efforts don’t get result, then you should seek some professional help. Don’t delay.

    Apologies for making the Reply too long.
     
  8. soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    40
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    I have the same issue dear....... don;t know wht to do to change my husband's behaviour....
    I fought with him many times about this... for 6 to 8 months all was fine... we used to have sex but not satisfying for me then ..... later once in month like tht that too just for few mins ie.. around 10 mins everything is finished including undressing kissing and all... i told him many times that i am not getting satisfied he is like u demaing more to me.. or ur demand is wrong... but i know i am not wrong, i fight n he will make me cool. i know
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Amen to that! :)

    Male members bring a perspective that is valuable to the problems posted here. i second the thanks to the male ILites for their contribution.

    There are more frequent male posters now than there used to be. Some have some obvious clue like 'man', 'guy' in their member name, while others have a name like Tom, Harry, Steve, John... :) while still others are more eloquent and query 'what is a guy to do' via their member name. Some need a peek at their profile page before the 'it's a boy!' penny drops. :) But, advice and opinions from all them bring variety to IL. Without male posters, IL would be like a bouquet of beautiful roses. With male posters, IL is a bouquet of beautiful roses and some green leaves to relieve the otherwise visual and mental monotony.

    I always look forward to reading their opinions in threads, even if sometimes their posts make me want to change my member name to google-nasanah, since I almost bring down google-server researching parts of their posts that are beyond my thought level.:oops:

    May their tribe grow...
     
    3 people like this.
  10. Loving2011

    Loving2011 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    291
    Likes Received:
    183
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female

    Ladies, if you are on a date with a man that you suspect is gay...trust it. I've been told by people "If he's on a date with a woman, he can't be gay." Trust me, there are gay men that will date and marry women out of societal and parental pressure. Or, they're just not ready to admit that they're gay.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page