clever talk

No you don't sound crazy, you sound very much like someone I know.

Some people are just naturally better at managing people around them than others are. Don't beat yourself up if this isn't one of your traits. I guess the most important thing is be yourself first, try not to lose your temper and always try to be calm. If you are always agitated, others will start to perceive you as the problem.

L

 

It comes with experience.

Once you know about a person, mentally preparing a few answers to probable comments / questions from them helps.... Needs a bit of homework and planning.

Then there are some people who are too good and we can never match their craftiness.

 

Hi dear ,

Same pinch Even am just like u ... i give the same three reactions when a trouble is created in my life by MIL ( unknowingly most times ) and co-sis (the B**** of my family)

I think its in our nature .... and it will take some time to change ... but like Anitap suggested experience and bit of homework for some known questions can actually help a lot .... !!!

And one more thing ... that i would like to share ...is memorising / remembering the words they spoke at the time of incidence (to use it later).... I mean most times atleast me I remember only the fact that co-sis bad mouthed against me or my family .... and DH dint support and we fought thats it ... but i kind of forget thinking it least important what exactly co-sis said to me or MIL ... how did she manipulate my actions ... so from a month or so i have started studying all her acts and remembering them to make use of it at a later point ! Thats exactly what she does huh ....

Example :
While i visited my Inlaws in March :

1. While alone she told me she is not eating anything in dinner during fast ... because she is doing bachat (savings) ...
What the hell !!! so stupid of her ... she told me all these to belittle me that my MIL bought me 3 new dresses on the same day ... as if getting dresses for me was a big expense in the family and she was adjusting by not eating food ... that day even i had just half roti for dinner and stayed mum not sharing it with nyone.....


2. She never lets me touch her feet otherwise ... whenever i bend down she says no no ... so i kinda left doing it of late ...But one fine day while is was going back home (dont stay with inlaws) my MIL somehow told me take aashirwad from co-sis and go .... guess what she did ... she told arrey why r u telling her 2 days back on our big day (new year) she didnt touch my feet n take aashirwad ... why now, let it be ... what the heck !!!!! i was so angry but again lack of presence of mind didnt speak nything ... :-(


But this time : Yippie , i remembered the two incidents she did with me ... and bang on i played it on her ... when i reached my ILs this time in presence of everyone - MIL FIL and her DH I went ahead to touch her feet .. as always she moved back acting .... i said

Arrey bhabhi, i know u do a lot of bachat for the family like u dont eat in fasts .... u shared with me last time .. but comeon this is aashirwad ... dont try to do bachat here .... the more u give the more u will have .... so no need of doing kanjus here ... Correct na MIL ... lolzz

her mouth was shut .. and i showed ILs what she told me before or it is she who never lets me touch her feet n get ashirwad


So just relax ... and learn the cleverness ofcourse slowly All d best !!!

 

I am seeing myself here... I am also like you.. I have been a loser many times.. Even i dunno tactics, i just know to shout or cry.. But 1 thing is for sure, this is not good for us.. Even if a person is bad, the way he/she acts is so good and the tactics played gets them all good. Even if we are right,the way we react is bad and we get bad things. Its an art which i will never learn. Life's lesson and even after learning the same lesson several times i am just a total failure. Even i wanna change myself, i dunno how. I am seriously scared of this so called life.:hide:
I don't have a solution for your problem but don't worry you're not crazy and not alone

 

:rotfl:thumbsup

 

OP,

Agree with Anita.

It is very true, after I moved to abroad. Not sure, because I lost touch with use of the language (moved away looong time go) or we (the Indian) talk in subtle use of the native language? I have to really prepare mentally when I talk with my relatives. They seems to have hidden agenda and I often miss the message, later it stricks me, they made fun of me or rude to me or they meant "this" but said this. Actaully, my sisters or mom have to interpret it/answer before me....otherwise, I make fool of myself. My DH is very good at reponding back :mrgreen:, it is definetely a required people skill.

My mom says, don't change...ignorance is a bliss :hide:

 

Don't worry dear, it will definitely come with some frustration and practice. I guess we all are like that initially, but slowly learn to give it back. Even I'm somewhat like that, I ignore initially but when it reaches my saturation point, it comes out automatically. Some of the victims of my outbursts have been my batchmates, auto walas, tailors and my family, MIL is yet to receive the honours though. I have turned very patient with age.

 

Tell me about it....

Many many times I have realized that the person insulted me in a subtle way. But by this time, I am a few weeks late and in some cases a few years late. :rotfl.

I get very very angry with myself after this realization.

The safest bet is - to assume that almost everyone has an angle. but that would make us a cynic and spoil our peace of mind which proves that your mom is correct - ignorance is bliss.

 

I too have faced this a lot at work place and friends and neighbours in a subtle way,I come home and vent all my frustation with my DH,of course initial days he used to listen and empathize,seeing Iam not that smart at handling these issues ,he guides me or gives some tips how to handle these people,I too practise and do my homework and don't lose my confidence ,best thing is I shall be over confident with these people,though I forget some of the tips ,these days Iam the winner at these issues,I try to minimize contact with these people,if at all they try to bother me ,I shall speak confidently ,so half the problem is done,I made a oath to my self ,never show irritation to them ,only makes my self weak in front of them,all I do is keep my cool and give it back in a humourous way so these days they are not daring to do it any more to me,

one more tip from dh that helped me a lot is to hear every word with caution and threat from such people,so mind will be perceiving them not casually but preparing my defenses in every possible way