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What is the secret ingredient for a Happy Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    Art of making love need not be learnt. It is in our instincts, it comes on its own. But 'agreeing to disagree' and 'conflict resolution skills' does not come to any one on its own. It has to be learnt by conscious effort.

    In my opinion 'agreeing to disagree' is the key to happy marriage.

    Love, however strong it may be, can not can not and can not be sustained on all 365 days of an year.
     
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  2. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    Both should know, when to yield....to each other.
     
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  3. parineetha

    parineetha IL Hall of Fame

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    when myself and DH are to choose/decide on something we ensure that other person will be happy for it. We dread doing something which may hurt or make us unhappy tomorrow. In the process of ensuring each other's happiness, we may have to give up few things willingly (I don't wana say sacrifice) and be more accomodative. You can call it as love or respect for each other's feelings.

    -Neetu-
     
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  4. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    For me love and trust between me and DH...inlawz are like..now I don't take their views and taunting seriously..totally ignoring them..life become so cool after that...
    So I believe love, trust, understanding..and most imp respect for each other....are the way for happy marriage..
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks a lot for your suggestions. If the MIL is unsecured of sharing her son's love or finances, then YES, I (or any woman in my place) can simply leave it as this is how most of the MILs are. But if she acts as if she loves her son, but makes her moves so cunningly to the point of making her son to divorce his choice of wife, and marry someone else as per her choice, then NO. This can not be tolerated anymore.

    Now the thing is how men handle this situation. Some are aware of their parents, and handle things accordingly. Some minor things as you mentioned were also could be handled with mutual discussion (no harm in making your hubby comfortable in giving up something to your MIL), but again not everything.

    Some men (that includes my husband as well) take a long time to understand their parents, and YES, with time they end up turning towards their wives by leaving their parents. Good for them. But imagine, how difficult for that wife, to forget every troubles that she had to face in the past, and forgive his mistakes.

    For me, it was easy to forgive, but definitely not easy to forgot. I was the loser, and I dont wanna lose anything else in my life. Good, that I have become selfish and know how to protect myself and the kid. But again, how bad is that for a marriage? No trust, no closeness, eventhough we are physically together, and he really feels for what has happened in the past, and reaffirms that he won't repeat the same again. But my poor heart stopped functioning, and it is my brain that always alerts me to "stay protective". Because what brain knows about LOVE?

    I mean, if you lose your initial days, in which you build the love and trust for someone else, then what is the point of living a long marriage without none of them (no ingredients i mean) JMO
     
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  6. sumaramesh

    sumaramesh New IL'ite

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    Dear SGBV..

    I never told nobody knows this. You asked a question, so i gave my opinion..

    Unfortunately every body knows , but nobody follows.. Unless they IMPLEMENT what they
    know, there is no successful marriage...
     
  7. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    ability to put your spouse before everything.......your ego,your comfort,your anger ........
    having very less expectations from each other,his/mine relatives,kids........
    never comparing each other with strangers or friends.......
    health physical life with eagerness to please the other partner .
    going on relaxing holidays with just your family without taking a troupe of friends/relatives with you
     
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  8. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, the problem is you don't trust him anymore. You are deeply hurt and are protecting yourself from him and his family. Make it v clear to him what is the deal breaker in this marriage. U see there is too much baggage, hence u are not able to move on. U need to exclude all the extended family from your marriage. Your husband will always have a reln with them..but if it bothers u too much...and u keep thinking that they are brainwashing him..and every little thing that he does is due to their influence, then it's v difficult for u to trust him.
     
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  9. Evolet

    Evolet Senior IL'ite

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    Key to a happy married life lies in selecting the right person and understanding how our life will be with inlaws after marriage.Most of the people look only at the partner whom they ll marry.We need to understand that marriage is NOT just unison of 2 people.We have to be prepared to adopt a new family with us.especially we have to be aware of how our life will be if we have to live with in laws after marriage.If we have a SIL or BIL then we should be able to accept them like our brother or sister etc.. but never expect them to treat you like theor daughter.that way with zero expectations things work better.

    And when it comes to inlaws, we need to understand their intentions rather than their actions.Many a times if we think this way we will be able to accept their actions.

    When in laws try to force their thoughts upon us , we need to be able to decide where to be stubborn and where to compromise.for eg: when it comes to my house I decided which furniture to buy , how the house should be etc.but when it comes to cooking I leave it to my MIL's choice when ever she is around , since majority people in my house(DH, FIL, BIL) like her taste and I only help her with cooking and try to learn her recipes.

    Also they tried to interfere with my dressing ( They dont like if I wear leggins ).So I wear what they like when am in their home town and I wear what I like when am in my place.

    We should think 1000 times before deciding the person , but should ensure that we keep up with it no matter what comes.because we chose the person and we have to accept them for what they are.

    And what ever happens we should nt let anything or anyone decide our happiness.Happiness is within ourself so we have to see what makes us happy and do it without hurting others.If we are happy we keep others happy and we can have a happy family :)
     
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  10. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    first love.. then adjust, forgive and forget..this is applicable to both
     

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