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Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you tackle

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by ansh12, Feb 6, 2008.

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  1. Feb 6, 2008 #1
    ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All

    We all know, that given a choice we would have liked to be referred to as "happily married". But .....

    As, I have already said in my previous post that life goes on and life doesnot treat everyone fairly. One has to accept the life as it is and make the best out of it.

    Being in India and being in small place, where a lady staying alone doesn't go well with people, at times makes one very insecure and vulnerable. Even the female friends may not understand one's problems and insecurities. One is always judged, where does one go, with whom one talks. One becomes easy target of gossip mongers.

    Do you face any insecurities, being without spouse? What are they and how do you tackle. Please share your experiences, as it may benefit many fellow ILites sailing in the same boat.

    Thanks and best wishes
    Ansh12

    "What cannot be cured should be endured"
     
    ansh12, Feb 6, 2008
    ansh12, Feb 6, 2008
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  2. Mar 1, 2008 #2
    sandhya19

    sandhya19 New IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    earlier i was depended on my husband for many things, but after he passed away....just the feeling that i alone have to care of my two kids all alone,and of myself, i feel theres no one out there for me and my kids who can run for us even at midnight hours in times of emergency....asking someone in the family for small small favors....when my daughter looks for someone to play,talk..as i am very busy now....makes me insecure..
     
    sandhya19, Mar 1, 2008
    sandhya19, Mar 1, 2008
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  3. Mar 2, 2008 #3
    ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    Hi Sandhya

    First of all thanks a lot for coming forwward and posting a reply in this thread.

    I can empathise and relate to you.

    A loving companion is always missed and more so when one has kids also.

    I know it is tough to manage all alone, but , I also understand you are a strong woman, you would be able to tackle the situation. Is is said "Tough time don't last tough people do". Keep the memories of the times you spend with your hubby and feel that he is looking at you from above. He will always be there with you as your inner strength.

    Your kids might be young,as they grow up, they will be a good support to you.

    At Indusladies, we are a support to each-other. Atlest we are there to lend our ears to each other.

    Please contribute your experiences to this forum .

    Thanks and best wishes
    Ansh
     
    ansh12, Mar 2, 2008
    ansh12, Mar 2, 2008
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  4. Mar 3, 2008 #4
    sandhya19

    sandhya19 New IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    hi ansh,thanks for your support and encouragement.
    i also have a hope that my children would be of great support to me in future.
    i would surely like to share my experiences and views, if any.
    all the best to you for your future:2thumbsup:

    sandhya
     
    sandhya19, Mar 3, 2008
    sandhya19, Mar 3, 2008
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  5. Mar 4, 2008 #5
    itsmeteddy

    itsmeteddy New IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    I have problem telling people that my married life is on rocks. They keep asking me questions which are irritating..but i just have to smile and keep quite so that there are no more questions coming.

    It is true that people will not understand that if iam not at all talking about my husband or marriage, they have to stop questioning me...but no... they are keen on knowing the story...

    Now that I have expressed my decision to my parents and inlaws, the new insecurities are how are my parents going to face the society, how is it going to affect my sisters family etc.

    And also about the marital status.. iam confused about my marital status, what should i tell people, one of the first questions will be are you married? where is your husband etc...

    I get really irritated with these questions..... but have to learn to deal with them.
     
    itsmeteddy, Mar 4, 2008
    itsmeteddy, Mar 4, 2008
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  6. Mar 5, 2008 #6
    ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    Hi Teddy

    I can 100% understand your sate of mind.

    Its always better to confrnt your fears headstrong rather than to avoid them. Once you confront your fears you become fearless. But the first step requires a lot of courage.

    You r telling about yourself,my duaghter when she was in 1st/2nd also faced the same problem.

    I just told her face the truth and who so ever asks tell,"Yes, I have a father, he stays at some other place and he is not able to come to us and if you want ot ask anything else ask my mom"

    When someone use to ask me, I use to say we have some issue , but please could we talk about something else.

    When, I divorced, I told my friends myself that is over. If someone asks about your marital staus now I think being in US it should be easier for you to say "I have separated, lets hope for the best"

    Everyone in this world comes with his own destiny and fate. Your sis also has her oen destiny, don't worry about her. Its better someone marries her on knowing the facts, if someone rejects her becuase of you, you should thank god , you have been saved of people who have fickle minds.

    Please, be strong. I know it is easier said than done.But remebre my friend, its always better to accept and tell truth. It is easier than telling a lie.

    I hope I have not been harsh
    Best wishes
    Ansh
     
    ansh12, Mar 5, 2008
    ansh12, Mar 5, 2008
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  7. Mar 5, 2008 #7
    itsmeteddy

    itsmeteddy New IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    Hi Ansh,

    Thankyou very much for responding to me. I am trying to get the courage to face people. Now a days i have lost my mind and not able to concentrate on work. I am making mistakes which come to notice to my managers.

    I really feel the time now is the worst time going on... Iam facing lot of problems in everything I do.

    I pray god that this bad phase is over soon.

    I have no one to talk to. And I dont want to create tension in my parents life by telling all my problems. They get worried too much and keep asking me to come back to India. But I need this phase of separation and divorce gets over then I can come to India and face the relatives, people.

    Thanks for encouraging.
     
    itsmeteddy, Mar 5, 2008
    itsmeteddy, Mar 5, 2008
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  8. Mar 8, 2008 #8
    ANK

    ANK Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    Very well said hopeforgood! Way to go dear!
     
    ANK, Mar 8, 2008
    ANK, Mar 8, 2008
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  9. Mar 8, 2008 #9
    sashie

    sashie New IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    hi, i am married, but i do know people that are separated/divorced, and they are happily living their life. And when people have questioned my friends about their status, my friends are also forthcoming, they have a few words to say, and then they steer the conversation in another direction.
    sash
     
    sashie, Mar 8, 2008
    sashie, Mar 8, 2008
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  10. Mar 8, 2008 #10
    ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Do you feel socially insecure and vulnerable as a divorcee or widow?How do you ta

    Hi Ank, Sashie and Hopeforgood

    Thanks a lot for your views and words of encouragemnt. Iam sure many disaapointed souls would have surely cheered up

    Love
    Ansh
     
    ansh12, Mar 8, 2008
    ansh12, Mar 8, 2008
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