My sad story...a vent

This is good for now. Don't talk much to him since he only creates arguments like an idiot, instead you focus on your exams first.

 

The guy has been repeatedly asking you to get out of his house. If I were you, I would move to India, Live with my parents for sometime and go join a hospital and work as a doctor because thats what you are qualified for. You will get your groove and self confidence back after handling your job for a couple of months. Get your sanity, patience back and then decide what you want to do with this marriage. You are in a toxic environment and your ability to think will get impacted by this. This is not going to help you at all. Please consider what am trying to say once and see if this will help you.

 

Hi FS...Forget about what your in-laws, parents and your husband is saying. Answer yourself a few questions truthfully:
1. Do you have any more love saved for your husband
2. Do you have any respect saved for your husband
3. Are you afraid if the D word for the society or yourself
4. Do you think the marriage has a future.
5. Do you want to bear your husband and his unnecessary words throughout your life.
You cannot be suffering for your sisters, your parents or your husband. Just because your sisters have taken their life as their choices, your mother cannot ask you to stay put so that people will not blame her for not bringing you up. Neither are you a doormat for your husband and your in - laws.
I strongly feel that your husband does not have the guts to go ahead with divorce. Even if he does, think leaving others whether it would be fine for you to stay put. If your father can finance you for some time, finish your exams using that money and get independent. Gey busy with your life. Let your husband know that you are a human being with your own opinions.

 

Dear FS,
Hope you are doing better. I don't have much advice but i got some things to ponder on. i know that you are intelligent, smart and confident and a very emotional. you should add independent to the list too. Your husband is acting like a jerk. Do you think he will ever change? If you make peace with everything right now, what will be your status in your home. I'll tell you it is a 'DOORMAT'. How can your mil make accusations on your character. She is one crazy controlling woman. No wonder your parents are mad. I don't think any parent wants their daughter to be unhappy. What have your sisters got to do with anything, they married for love and are hopefully happy. Whatever you mom might have told you was in fit of emotion. I am sure they will stand by you. Your dad seems sensible, talk to him.

 

FS,

Why don't you do more research on how you can stay in this country.

First tell him no matter what I am not going to India.I am ready if you wish to give me divorce.Don't panic.
My gut feeling it never happen.Even though it happen it's really good for you.

Second the alimony he gives should able to you get into some your residency.

Only I am concern about the visa.you might need to check with some non-profit lawyer.I know there is a guy in this websute said he is lawyer.See you can check with him for the visa status.

But don't panic and dont's waste yout time thinking about it.if it hapens hapens that's it.Tell him that you are no way going to panic about this threts.if he wanted the divorce,let's do it.

or fallow what mommybird says.You can't hold the string which don't have stegnth.

 

High time to concentrate on your studies,I totally understand with such state of mind and threat to self respect and harrassment ,it is difficult ,but not impossible,try for a live study partner near your place,advertise ,if not at least online study partner,try posting your study journal,to keep track of your progress and someone to motivate when your are down,

Take precautions this emotional and verbal abuse doesn't escalate to physical violence,

It is good you are trying to get a job but studying at the same time

Enough of the depression,why can't some people behave as human beings?

you have tried your best to apologize ,what is the need for them to talk to your parents again?How can your husband instruct you to go to his parents place when they blamed your character?you need to safeguard your rights as a person,be assertive tell firmly you are not going to their place no matter what,you are going to consider this option only after sometime ,not right now,


fix the deadline of exam for say 4 or 5 months,you can do it FS,the only thing is lacking motivation because of previous failure ,but think of the other exam you have passed,you might have learnt from the mistakes committed ,I pray for you that you should get a very good study partner, do lots of questions ,some times we don't realize the great potential we have,make a good study schedule that works for you

If your husband is sticking firmly to his threats ,may be going to your parents place to finish the exam is not a bad idea,but make sure if have some option to return as good as an entry level program as I have suggested in the pm,or for an masters program, another good option ,please check with Kaplan institute ,they offer f1 for their program , so that you can study with some one preparing for mle in a shared accomodation ,and may be you can work legally for some hours ,I really prefer Kaplan option if the things are getting worse.
and get a good job too ,it should be close to your place go talk to them in person,or call them

Looks like your husband may get back to his senses ,once you get settled well,but it would be too late ,by then,

Make sure even if you have to seperate from him for brief period of time, do it without any argument or fuss,do it in a calm manner ,so this gentle man shall not blame you that you are such a difficult person to live with and put you in confused state again

Not sure you get alimony as priya 16 mentioned ,as it requires certain years of marriage couple should stay together say some 6- 10 years,

 

FS, am sorry for what evers happening. Things will be fine soon. Take care.

 

Hey Flyingsparks,

you talk to your parents about the entire thing ,even your depression and suicidal ideas,your treatment ,lack of concentration ,job attempts,and your efforts to save marriage,your husband tantrums,


They will get entire picture of what is happening,looks like you have tried your best from your part,your husband is very adamant,

Right now if you are feeling like you are suicidal or some extreme thing,although not unusal when a person suffers from true clinical depression,it is time to have moral ,emotional support,from loved ones ,especially your parents

you need some healing time ,your husband and inlaws are interfering in that process,


Though people gave different suggestions at different phases of your life to help you and save your marriage,now the priority shifts to save your life rather than marriage or career

Talk to your dear friends who are really helpful,and your parents,ignore even if your mom feels sad ,always have long term plans , have good foresight regarding your future,may be she will understand her daughter's life and career will be her priorities rather than this marriage with little hopes to survive

Every decision has its own pros and cons,make best out of them,

Rather than fighting this battle all alone and feeling crippled and humiliated ,get some support and take some time to heal your self,

even if you plan to go on a vacation to your home in India ,deal it amicably with your husband,saying you need a little break and you need to finish the exam,that's the reason you need little help

Once your exam is finished, I guess whole scenario will be changed for good

Good luck Fs

 

i really feel for your situation from bottom of my heart as i have gone through same situation in life,,thankfully passed that phase in life...Listen your in laws are bunch of insecure,scoundrel,coward insensitive people on this earth,,Is your hubby the only son,,Assuming he is,,What happening is that your extremely good relation with hubby is making them insecure.Trust me i have face this and it took me so long and what not to convince my hubby to see his parents real faces..They have tried to poison their son against you in every way,,So my suggestion is don't even think of moving away from hubby,,this is what they want..i know its a bitter truth..Stick to your hubby like chewing gum..forget any small issues between u an hubby.
Try to take hubby in confidence and get close to him..do whatever he says .My in laws also created huge fights between me and hubby when they were here..and were thinking that it would spoil my relation wtih hubby for long long time,,it did actually but i never showed it anybody..i purposely used to click lot of close snaps with hubby and different occasions and send to them,just to show that there is nothing wrong between us and trust me they so surprised and jealous,,which i could make out whenever they spoke to me on phone.
Things we say to each other in fit of anger is way humans deals ,,this is how we are don't feel guilty when your MIL and FIL can be shameless enough to shout on DIL..Please,,you are also a human being,and they are definitely not saintly people..Don't be afraid be brave,Concentrate on studies and HUBBY ..!!All the best

 

Hi FS

How are things? Hows prep going?

Good Luck