Ladies,need your wisdom,I am confused...uniqiue situation

Nothing despicable about you or your wants. every one long for happiness, so are you. how old is your kid and how is the relationship between father and child? age difference may not be an issue but think about the equation between kid and this new guy if you decide to marry.

 

I would say don't decide whether or not to leave your husband based on the other guy. Think thoroughly whether or not you want to stay in your marriage. If you decide to stay for whatever reason, of course then the first thing you should do is cut all contact with the online guy and concentrate on your marriage.

Say you decide to walk out from the marriage, after divorce take time to heal yourself then again think wisely whether you want to remain single or get married again.

My point of view the online guy is just infactuated with you or just has the feeling that he is doing a good deed by giving life to a woman with a kid from a broken marriage. If he stops chatting with you for few weeks and chats with another young and potential girl, he will lose the feelings (as what he claims) he has for you and go after her.

If you intend to get married in future, look for someone who is really suitable for you. Be cautious with this online guy, he may just be playing with your feelings since he is aware of your situation now. Only God knows what are his intentions. If at all you happen to meet him in person, always meet in public and don't give in for anything before marriage.

 

If the situation is unbearable, separate but dont jump into a new relationship in a hurry.

Take some time to heal. You might not realize now but separation can be very traumatic and you would need some time to sort your feelings.

 

Deal with one problem at a time....

 

**** addiction is a deadly habit. It ruins the normal sex life for many couples.

 

There will always be a tendency to compare spouse with others. Will be detrimental in the end.

 

**** : hard/ soft, crude/light ...whatever form......is more of a mental instability, escapism from reality, trying to be more macho.....all in one. It needs serious therapy. But in this case this " **** addict in question" doesn't even feel he needs to come of it....this habit might continue past senility....and what? this mentally stable/ realistic OP will have to put up with this? And the kid, he might find this out sooner or later! How will it affect him! A biological father has to act like one.......just making a child doesn't give him all privileges.

 

Dear OP

I have just fired a staff of mine for an EMA with a younger front office staff.
He had about 10 years back married a woman with a similar age difference as yours despite being disowned by his family.They have a 7 year old son now.
She had been unlucky with her fiance .
May be she knows or not,but she has been unlucky again.

I am not trying to discourage you.
I am just adding a live example to what many others have told.
It is easy to take a decision in a fit of emotional high but it is very difficult to live with it and up to it.
You are grossly unhappy with your husband.
The best solution is to separate.
Start your life allover again .Build it like you never needed anybody else.
Right now you are emotionally fragile.Need to handle yourself with utmost care.
Regain your confidence and then see what kind of relationship do you want with this person.

 

1. Please separate yourself from your present husband.
2. Take a break from any sort of relationship, because at present you are feeling unloved, and are unsure and depressed about everything. Chances are that if you get into another relationship immediately you may make some wrong decisions. So take off with your child, and take stock of your situation, and have a complete change of environment. Give yourself at least 4 to 6 months alone time to think.
3. Then only, meet up with your Skype friend in person, and see where that takes you.
Basically what my advice to you is, whatever you do, take your time to make your decisions.
I pray things work out for you, and your child. All the very best.

 

I fear I'll sound like a save-marriage fanatic, or a person who is very retrogressive, nevertheless I'll speak my heart !!
If I were you--I would thank that eight year younger person for helping me regain my faith in good things like love, wish him the best in life, and bid him good bye, closing the chapter forever, without meeting or exploring the relation further.
Then I would reconsider my marriage again. I would close my eyes, and ask myself if my husband's been a good father to my child--if he couldn't be a good husband, has he been at least a gentle person to live with till now?? I would consider a lot of things....and if my husband is less than pathetic in atleast a few spheres, meets the threshold in some aspects of life, I'd give my marriage another shot whole heartedly. I know it might be a blow to try hard with a person, who doesn't make you feel loved and wanted. I see a lot missing on the sex and intimacy front. I'd know my anger is justified and he's the one who has wronged me. But I would let go of my anger, simply because it cannot solve too many things. Then I would try to see if frequent and regular sex can save the marriage to some extent. If I see he is not interested, I'd start by talking erotic just discussing the **** he watches (yeah..I know he is wrong, but sometimes more than whats right and wrong...its about what works and what doesn't work!), the more he talks about it, the easier it would get to come closer to him......I'd try to tease him, wittily challenge him, use seduction, initiate things with him. Instead of stopping/prohibiting him from online stuff, I'd try to divert him towards myself. Try to get intimate regularly, even if it means a lot of initiation from your side. Things should change a lot after you become his habit.

I understand what I am saying is not the most feminist, or perhaps even the most righteous approach. But looking at your scenario..I feel that is your husband was really bad, or if living alone was a better choice in your situation---why would you have not divorced him before you met this second person. You were perhaps missing on that spark, attraction, reverence, admiration, love that you're getting from this second person. Maybe if this second person hadn't come to your life you'd have continued to stay comfortably numb..but not left your marriage with your present husband.

This person seems like a guy with good intentions--but intentions don't run a practical life. It takes a lot of maturity to handle somebody else's child. Had it been about yourself only...I might have advised different, but there is quite a probability that your son might not even accept him as his father. Will your son forgive you...if his father has been loving towards him and civil in general?? If your growing up son will not accept him....will this person have the ability to accept him unconditionally, while dealing with dislike from your son??? Yes second marriages happen a lot in places like US.....but in places like India--your son might be the only one among his society of peers to have a second father who is so much younger than his real father, and the only one dealing with the pain pf sepration from his father---he might turn rebellious angry, which can be dealt with if you a marry a really wise man who can handle all that for you.but the guy you're planning to marry is really too young to assume that he can practically deal with all that. And a guy who promises marriage on skype to an already married woman with a kid....without meeting her even once........doesn't seem to be too grown up, in my honest opinion.

don't do that to yourself. what if you lose everything because of some mistake....your son, family, everything goes away from you??

It looks like if this guy weren't there you'd have still thought of staying with your husband. In that case just try to make things better...try to work on inducing sexual intimacy and see if life is different.But this another guy is not right for you, from where I see your situation.