My sad story...a vent

ruknights · Sep 7, 2012

hi.. i am recently married woman so i cant help you much there.. but i do have info on kaplan.. i think kaplan is waste of money.. been there.. wish i could go back and save me that couple thousand bucks.. instead what i found helpful is this:

google the books people find it great for usmle and buy them...
practice the tests people usually use and buy it online or if its free. use them.. use free material as much as you can..
and make ur self a daily study schedule..
study 3-4 hours every morning... give urself target to complete everyday... you will feel great about urself when you accomplish studying everday...
do ur routine stuff after studying and then apply for jobs 1-2 hours (monday to friday)

keep urself busy that way so that even if ur husband is around you have something to do.. besides ur home chores... you will think less of ur family problems and will focus more on ur career... it will get you out of depression.. and problems that overwhelm you , wont be on ur mind all the time (key in getting out depression.. i have been there.. dont wanna go there again)

hope it helps

love

Flyingsparks · Sep 8, 2012

Hi friends..
How are you all doing?? Was feeling a little low & bored..so wanted to drop in and say hi to you all..i love visiting this site..i am so addicted to it now..i feel a lot better when i am here..i like the way ppl support each other here..it is the need of the hour for me..
I realised i am a v v v sensitive girl only couple months ago.now i know what it is to be not so sensitive.i am on my way to become strong & stronger..it is all beacuse of you lovely ppl here..thanks for being there..

Have a happy weekend..

Radhai · Sep 8, 2012

Flyingsparks said: ↑

Hi friends..
How are you all doing?? Was feeling a little low & bored..so wanted to drop in and say hi to you all..i love visiting this site..i am so addicted to it now..i feel a lot better when i am here..i like the way ppl support each other here..it is the need of the hour for me..
I realised i am a v v v sensitive girl only couple months ago.now i know what it is to be not so sensitive.i am on my way to become strong & stronger..it is all beacuse of you lovely ppl here..thanks for being there..

Have a happy weekend..
Click to expand...

FS,

Take the forums for what it is.
It is a virtual platform to air things and get a perspective.
Getting addicted to this virtual world will only drain your efficiency towards the real world.
Keep a check on your online time and the need for virtual support.
Find that unfailing support system that is within you.

That said,
How is your studies coming along?
Hope you and your H are in better terms.

beanstalk · Sep 8, 2012

Hi dear, one thing I recommend is getting it done and ASAP. My sis is preparing for the same and is doing great, simply because she is still in touch with all the information. Larger the gap in graduation ad the exam, harder the score is to achieve.
A. Keep tough goals and achieve them.
B. Scheule your exam toay in next three months. The ability to schedule it to your convinience actually reduces your ability to prepare. I know because I went through same. Good for me that my husband was way more proactive and pushed me. I am very thankful to him for that now otherwise I would have missed so many deadlines.

smilysmile · Sep 16, 2012

Hello Flyingsparks,

Here is some information regarding alternative therapy for depression ,Transcranial stimulation google search it tmsserenitycenter in sugarland or any other clinic which offers it, Iam not sure of the treatment but check it thoroughly and it is done by M.D., patented in 2008

Regarding your exams and career whatever said by sokanaasanah ,pooja and fellow usmle takers is very true,

As the exam is prolonged, it takes years to finish,many full time working people ,find it very difficult ,and could not balance family,I understand you are seeking only a part time job for a short period

Regarding your husband help and support you feel you are hurt when he says he is supporting you,tell him in a humorous and a sincere tone that ,yes ,I would whole heartedly want to help you and give a very good break to you once I start earning,hope he understands this point,be positive to you as economy is always unstable,so having a stable income is always good,more over in healthcare ,many dads become stay at home dads out of choice to support spouses' odd and long working hours,I know an IT engineer who is stay at home dad to take care of school going kids ,to help his good earning dentist wife

If he gets this point he would be very good at helping you,again remember you should not get in to arguement in this discussion,

If this doesn't work, work part-time for a very very limited period , and get back to your preparation as fast as you could,you can start with a study partner and a journal should help

We discussed all the career options,only that you would gain confidence ,so if MLE ,doesn't work definitely you have other options,this alone should give you great confindence to go with your preparation

There are definitely ups and downs in the preparation especially which takes long years of preparation,once you have a complete family and work full time ,it becomes even more struggling,

I have seen some women who saved their marriages by having financial independence and started preparation and even one of them is a cardiologist,now,the price they paid is their time and extra struggle

So regarding the 7 year passing limit,Iam not sure.,now that you have passed step 2 ,you should be sure to give all the remaining exams within that limit,

Don't worry about the step 1 failure in the past ,I know many bright students who are matched even after having a fail attempt,mostly they were fresh graduates

So plan accordingly,seek help ,keep your emotions at bay at least for the preparation period ,once you pass the step1 ,get some job,,and finish the remaining exams

I could not pm you as I didn't post,10 posts,, due to time constraint

Don't forget to pray ,every thing will fall in place ,but it takes time and more patience

Good luck to you

vaali · Sep 17, 2012

Woow, long story there!!.. Just dint wanna read & run.. lots of smiliaries b/w us Flyingsparks! & could defo feel you!!
HUGS to ya dear!!!
Hope & wish everything falls back in place to you!

trivvi · Sep 20, 2012

Hi fs...i really admire you for bringing ur life uner your control...keep focusing on your studies and then getting a job...u will feel happy and then can command respect from ur husband and in laws...i wish that u clear your exam well..!!!

Flyingsparks · Sep 21, 2012

hi ilites,
how are you all doing?? it's been a while i haven't updated about myself..just getting busy..struggling hard to get things under control.I have nothing to speak as such..dh is such an idiot.i tried talking to him.he still behaves in the same way.same tantrums..same stupid dialogues..that we cannot stay together.you better leave..when i initiated talks about our future,finances,my career,family planning etc..he was so arrogant.he absolutely doesn't know how to speak and accusing me of not behaving properly.

my mistake is that i showed too much guilt for what all happened recently in our lives and now he is trying to control me citing that incident which is soo stupid on his part..all the time he was talking about exam that i failed,about the way i spoke to his parents,that i walked away out of the house,i din't come home that night..etc etc.. I do have answers for all those stupid accusations but i am just shutting my mouth coz i don't want to make it big. i am all alone here.i don't have any support.i am not independent....i asked him ..then what about the way they spoke to me,about me for which he replies that i understand what u felt but you should ignore. they are like that since his childhood,they won't change.this will be like thus till their death...i neither want to lose you nor them but if i am forced to choose i will have to choose them coz they are my parents,they gave me birth,i can't leave them.if you have problem then why are staying in my house?? go back to your parents.nobody is stopping you.i warned him you better stop threatening me about me sending back to my parents or going for divorce.he knows my weakness so i guess he is using it.

..what an asshole he is.now his true colors are out.he has such god complex..he wants to hear from my mouth as well as my parents that he is god,his parents are god.he wants us to bow in front of him and his parents.I hate him..

there is much more to write actually but i don't have enough time to jot down the whole story what is happening right now.i wish i could talk to somebody.i asked him to come for marriage counselling.he denied saying i don't need any bloody counselling.i am perfect,right in my thoughts,words,actions.i absolutely doesn't want to come.i don't care if you want to go or not.i begged him to come for my sake at least.he denied.i wonder is he really educated?? he is just trained by his parents to earn money and send them.that's it.

coming to Ils..they are worst people i have ever seen in my life.they again called my parents to their home.they made big hell.they shouted on top of their world.my parents had to bear it for a while but couldn't resist after a while so they had to reply them properly.what an audacity they have that they will talk cheaply about me to my parents.now my ils are accusing me that i might be having an affair with somebody.this enraged my parents like anything and shouted back.
i wonder do i really have to stay in this relationship?? If given a chance i just want to run away from here.I feel so suffocated.i staying here for the sake of staying here.i am quite confused about this relationship.i wish i can take a break and go far away from him so that i get the clarity of life.
reg my studies.they are going on.my job search is also going on.i got few opportunities..i am weighing the options and have to manage time with my studies..so it's going on like that.

as of now just going on with routine..i am not talking anything to him other than needed.i have nothing to talk.he doesn't know how to talk properly and sensibly.i was wrong about him.i wish i had known his true nature during our engagement.how much i wish i could just simply walk out of this marriage and live my life.i know it's not that simple and easy but i wish i could.

poojachinoy · Sep 21, 2012

first thing is ask your parents to never answer il's call and never go over to their place...this needs to be stopped.period.

next thing is not to get bogged down by H's threats of divorce or sending you back to parents...anyways if he does that you will be the fortunate one to be out of this mess...

if he threatens you with the D word again,just say that you are thinking on the same lines too and will arrive upon a conclusion shortly...

keep minimal interaction with H and il's....concentrate on making yourself independant...once you are done with exams,then see how their colours will change like a chameleon...

snm1984 · Sep 21, 2012

Completely agree with poojachinoy here,why do you keep sending your parents to Il's place and make them lose their self respect?Just put an end to that.Next time your Dh threatens coolly reply that "I am totally ready for divorce,I have realised that my life is not worth wasting for someone so arrogant and insensitive like you.First get the divorce papers ready and then I will sign them and leave your house."Your husband is all drama and throwing tantrums,when it comes to the real show he will back off.And even if he does mean it think of it as "good riddance".Once you become independent,your life will be better off without him and his psycho family.