Should I marry? in a unique situation...

There are soo many issues in the thread you posted.

1.if your brother is mentally retarted,then why are you thinking marriage for him?..I feel it will not be fair on the girl...because clearly,a nurse will be a much better option...if it was just physical disability then it makes sense..but if there is a mental deficiency then the emotional quotient required to keep the marriage staying afloat wont be there...

2.you planning on taking care of him for the rest of your life is a very good thought..but do put this across to the girl when looking out for alliances...just to be sure you have conveyed the message clearly so that she knows what she is getting into and won't be over whelmed when faced with reality...

3.your reasons on wanting an arranged marriage are very vague...agreed your mom was the bread winner and dad was an abusive alcoholic...that does not signify anything to do with your situation...the part where you mention 'she' prefers you to have an arranged marriage is fair enough...but you too need to educate yourself upon your preferences...so that when you get married in future it does not come across that you ask your wife to do things in a certain Way because your mom prefers it...be a bit emotionally and mentally independent...

4.being poor and being educated are two different criterias...poor girl can also be educated...or did you refer to being educated as being rich?...anyways, whatever the case be,put across your situation clearly when you intend to get married...

By now I am sure it's very clear that I am not trying to be your friend..

 

I have seen such instance. But the wife also had a sibling who needed special care. Therefore both hubby and wife could both understand each other since both had situations where close family member needed special care.

 

OP,

It is common for siblings to support the person with a disability...the key is to do it well without overlooking any individual's personal freedom and wishes.

As long as you can put it across as a responsibility that you are happy and able to accept without making it a 'sacrifice', you will not find it a problem. Most of my former students have siblings who are married to very nice individuals who are involved in the care/maintenance of the BIL/SIL. You may meet some women who are not keen on the responsibility and that is their choice. All it requires from you is that you meet other people.

As far as your brother getting married, that is a situation which always leads to a lot of unnecessary ill feeling and drama. You say you don't want someone who has no future prospects, wouldn't the girl feel the same? In the past it was common for women with 'no prospects' to be forced into marriage with men who had a disability or to someone with siblings with a disability. The problem there was the fact that they were not given the choice of saying yay or nay... which a woman with education/money/initiative could have had access to.

You will find those who feel good about themselves by making you out to be a 'poor thing' and others who may look at you oddly and wonder what is wrong with you. That is a part of having a family member with a disability. If you ever get a chance to network with other families with persons of disability you will see this is a common phenomenon they face. Those who deal with it best are matter of fact about it, not defensive.

 

what does ur fb frnds list gotta do with this? is that even relevant in this context?

 

Absolutely....:idontgetit::idontgetit:

 

Dont think of getting your brother married when you yourself declared that he is a mentally retarted. If everything is fine at your end, would you consider marrying a mentally unstable girl . Lets be practical.

I really appreciate your willingness to take care of your brother for your entire life. But when you are going for an arranged marriage, better make the things very clear to the girl and her family about your current situation. This is a tricky situation for you as well. Good luck

 

Exactly....I think he is trying to say he is friendly coz he has a long list of friends in his FB, but here in Indusladies site, he is not looking for any friend, but looking for ONLY ADVICE....ufff...

 

In a world where relationships are so weak and unstable even with able people doing their own life n not interfering with their in-laws, how do u think tht a girl wud come up n say hey marry me I wanna take care of your brother? Even if some1 comes up it'l be for money or some other strong reasons.
N according to me its wrong on ur part to expect tht from ur future wife. If u love ur brother so dearly, stay single n take care of him.

 

teacher,

I think you might have misunderstood OP. I think he meant that he does not want the "girl-with-no-prospects" to be forced into marrying him. I don't think he meant that he doesn't want to be forced into marrying some "girl-with-no-prospects".

 

Hi Dancer,

I meant that the woman would not have much choice in marrying op's brother, right? OP doesn't want someone to consider him a charity case (because he has a brother with a disability) and marry him because she is so noble, or as a stepping stone to betterment. In all probability the woman wouldn't want to marry his brother (who has limited prospects) just because she is poor or limited in some way.