issues with inlaws, husband... Husband abondoned me and kid

feel rea;;y bad for you but call him or email him and what all happened in details without criticizing anything and wait him to say something. inspite of all this he is ready to improve than its good if no than you will have to think upon something because you cannot go on living this way even your child is growing fast

 

Dear RamyaVara,
Sorry to hear this. I think that your husband must know that you and your baby is his family and not his parents who have lived their lives. I feel that there are mistakes everywhere. I think your inlaws have to be mor mature and not treat their DIL like what they have been doing. Never lose your self respect for others. If your husband wants divorce for things like you speaking back to his parents, thats not good. We have to be patient in this world to get things done. Since you are well educated with a good job and you can manage, just wait for some response from your husband. If he starts a divorce procedure, contest it. I am sure he is doing it to scare you. I feel the same like what your mother has said- your baby should not get deprived of her father's love. Your husband should get back to you. If not for you,he should for his baby. If no communication from your husband even after another 2 weeks,try contacting him( I don't know abt him- I hope he will cmmunicate) and also try to convince him for a marriage counselling. I totally understand that yours is a love marriage -try to save your marriage atleast for your baby. Also don't answer back to your husband or inlaws when they pass harsh comments- God will take care of them. There is no excuse for people chanting mantras and praying to god while they hurt DIL or others- their prayers will not be answered. Your husband should not speak ill abt your mother and also you should also not speak. If you are reactive, it will affect your health,your peace of mind,your relationship with others and also the person who wanted to hurt you will win. Please ignore and think that they don't exist. They are old people and probaby be in this world for another 15-20 years. Rest you willbe with DH for life. So don't spoil your life for others.

Pray to Lord hanuman- Chant sundarakandam at home regularly and also read sammohanakrishna stothram for a happy blissful married life. All the best.

Speak to your husband. tell him that you are hurt by his comments and you have reacted and you feel bad abt this situation. Also tell him that you need to have your self respect .

Wishing you all the best for a bright future.

 

Hugs to you my dear.

If you are a religious person, please go to Ganesha and shiva temple and pray to god to give sense to your hubby to see the right thing....god only can change him and he will.

With prayers

 

it's been 2 weeks. wait for some more time. be as calm as possible, take care of your baby and mother and your own health.

don't worry about your sister's wedding. there will surely be someone sane and good enough to marry her for the right reasons.

Do not worry how many divorces your family has. don't worry about society. society will talk, that is the only thing it knows. after sometime, they will find a new victim and you will be old news. you can't help it.

These are all unwanted negative thoughts that take away your attention, energy and prevent you from thinking clearly and rationally when faced with a problem. always remind yourself - they are not the ones who suffered. YOU are the victim. It is YOUR life and only YOU can decide how you should live.

pray to God, and once you feel reasonably calm and able to handle the situation, call him and tell him you want to talk. never raise your voice, never get carried away by emotions. it must be the most detached conversation you can ever have. do not pull your ils into it yet. solve your issues with him. convince him for counselling and see where it goes from there.

You can always come here and we will be always there for you. Have faith in God. This too shall pass and you will only emerge stronger

P.S. if you want to say a prayer and do not know how, go to the prayers and slokas section here in Indusladies. I believe Siddhamangala stotram and Parayanam is for marriage. YOu can also keep a Shiva Parvati pic and pray to them to keep your marriage together and your husband with you.

 

Hugs to you.
The above lines you have typed make me feel that there is hope. Looks like he is very strongly influenced by his parents. I think you should give him some more time to cool off.
Perhaps you can send an email saying that you are ready to talk when he is and leave it at that. Wait for him to get back, but in the meanwhile prepare yourself for the worst (am sorry to be saying this, but it is better to hope for the best and be prepared for the worst to avoid any further heartbreak)

In the meanwhile, try and get a job and try explaining the situation to your mom and sis. Do not feel guilty about what happened and how it may harm your sister's marriage. Unless you are from an extremely conservative background, gone are the days when the elder siblings' marriages affected the younger ones. People are a lot more open minded now. Put that in the backseat for now and focus on your life.

As for your mom, difficult as it is, put up a brave face in front of her. She will be more upset if you are visibly upset. Try and divert yourself with job and friends for the time being. Let your husband get back to you.

GL and praying for the best to happen to you.

 

Dear Ramya,

Hugs to you dear.

Biggest Red flag and really cheap on his part to record your voice and kept as evidence. Dont know what are the contents but it seems the name calling what you did was recorded. He went to such an extent to ruin the marriage and your life. I dont see any point in frequent calls and emails. Guys like this take their own sweet time to realize this.

You are already out of the house, if you want to go back make sure that fights are not repeated. This will take some time for sure. Be smart and take right decision on right time and you have to more patience.

-Contact your and his relatives and tell that FIL hit you badly, recorded your voice to blackmail you and he threw you and kid out of home. If possible try to resolve the issue with all elders of families.
-If above doesnt work out, Go back to US in same city and find job for yourself. Show to your H that you can
live without him. He will get scared of you then.
- Let your mom start look match for your sis. Her life should not be interupted.
-Even if doesnt come back fine. Atleast you will be living in US where single parent is acceptable and you can move your mom with you once your sis marriage is over.
-Dont rush to him once he ask to come back...until he is guilty and repent things wont change. Again he and his family will misbehave with you and again you will thrown out.

Only solution is stay calm and composed. Let your Uncles and aunties try to talk to him...atleast for the sake. he shd not feel that there is no one to support you..he used you and thrown and nobody came to ask abt it.

You have to be strong.

 

i agree with omnam views,

you should take it all in a strong manner and be ready for everything you cannot be with such a man let him be with his parents later on when he will want to have his own family and there will be no one around he will realise but you don't wait for that time.Move forward and don't worry abt your daughter what's the use of such father who don't care for his child..sometime ask him he loves his parents a lot don't he want his own children to respect him and love him in the same way..

if he remains the same way dear its of no use of being with him..you will be humiliated all the way by everyone if he don;t stand for you and even don;t let you stand for yourself..

 

I also agree with Omnam's views. Please dont go rushing to him just because he asks. Make sure he knows you were not wrong and the wrongdoers have been warned. Because if you go away in haste, life will be difficult not just for you but for your child too.

Regarding sister's marriage, I think it is better that she marries in a place where the people know of what is happening and yet accept her without judging her family in any way. Dont you think she will be happier with people who accept mis-happenings rather than worry of the societal pressures? Just think about it.

All the best to you dear. Your first priority should be to take a job and fend for your child and mother.