Inlaws financially dependant

Hi all....
i have been a passive member of indus ladies forum for a while now.
I like the way ilites share each others sorrows joys and problems and like the way senior ilites give such thought to other peoples issues.

I am married now for almost 4 years and have a 18 mth old son. My husband and i used to work together and were friends for a while before he proposed and we got married. We come from totally different backgrounds. I am from a urban nuclear family- relative circle pretty limited. Also I had an abusive father who used to manhandle our mother and take all her salary for many years . When my brother got bigger, that stopped, but My mom had to keep up with all the household expenses on her own. To cut short the chase, I value money because we had such a hard time. On the other hand, my husband comes from a rural poor family - many relatives. He is self made. My fatherinlaw was son of a zamindar and never ever worked. once the govt. took over the lands, they were reduced to poverty, and had neither education nor expertise to get out of it. my husband was their first born and a determined fellow who made it and is now a sw engineer in US. I work in the same field. I always knew that we wld have to support the inlaws financially.
However the problem is that there is no limit to their financial demands. They are very sweet talkers. However behind the scenes its always money money money. My MIL has 6 sisters, who have multiple daughters, one of who is always getting married. Which means atleast 25000 Rs from our side - FREE ....someone in need - no less than 20000 Rs. THey visited my house for a month for medical treatment. Their tickets were paid for, they didnt spend a dime on anything, but soon as they got home the 20000 Rs the money is gone - for this and that. and there is need for more.
I get very irritated with this constant money leak. I tell my husband, i invite trouble. He uses bad words and says that i m stupid and shld not get in to money related stuff. I usually have to apologize to save the shanti in house and for kids benefit. He keeps mum and angry with me for several days later. Also he calls from US every 2nd day to talk to his parents. If on the other hand i do the same, he is on my case. BTW we are also paying for his younger brothers payment seat ( 4 yrs physiotherapy course). My inlaws consider their son's money as 'free money' they have told me several times - "there is a lot of money - no tension, keep spending" I cannot reply back to them for i dont want to cross the boundaries of the relation.

My question - am i wrong in getting irritated with his spending so much on his parents. Does any of u face this kind of irritation, How do you deal with it. How to get him to spend what is needed and not over the limit - given the inlaws will never improve:bang

 

no solution yet, whenever i bring up this topic my husband is mad for few days...then our kid gets disturbed so i end up apologising for bringing it up. per my husband, if not for parents , for whom to spend.....! wonder if he will feel the same if i start sending truckloads of money to my family! i am thinking any amount of talking is not going to change anybodys attitude. i will start spending lavishly and not go for second hand items and stingy purchases and all. if the expenses this side go up drastically and there is not much money to keep sending, automatically things might improve.....
just at thought level. the way i was brought up, i value money and hate to waste it.

 

Paru,
Excellent suggestion! thank you!