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How do you take care of aged people (inlaws/parents)?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by hemchi, Sep 6, 2012.

  1. hemchi

    hemchi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    This thread is not about any problems related to relationships with inlaws.
    Both my husband and I work and we have a 6 year old daughter. My parents-in-law live with us. They are quite old (both are in late 70's). As of now, they can manage to walk around the house and can have their food and take care of themselves physically.
    The current setup is that we have a day-time maid, who kind of helps my inlaws in their needs and my daughter.
    But for her personal reasons, this lady has to leave us in sometime. Now that our daughter has grown, we can manage without this lady, but my inlaws may need someone when we are off to work, more from a safety purpose. But as such, she may not have much work apart from cooking! Even now, the lady who is with us takes good rest at our home and sometimes its like just for her presence in the house, we pay her! These days, we hear so many robberies, murders when old people are alone at home. My husband suggests one of us quit and take care of the entire thing. Moreover my inlaws are quite innocent, they will not think twice before opening the door to strangers or to chat with neighbors and trust anyone!

    In this context, just wanted to check with you all, how do you people manage care-giving to elderly people? What works for you, especially if you are working! What kind of safety measures do you take?
     
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  2. sumaramesh

    sumaramesh New IL'ite

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    hi

    Why dont you hire a new Maid ????

    Its better if you can get maids from your native/friends-relatives villages, so you can
    trust them to certain extent....
     
  3. hemchi

    hemchi Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for responding Suma. That's one of the solutions for our problem that we have considered. Finding another reliable maid after 6 years will have its own pros and cons. We are working on that anyway!
    I want to know how others are handling it! When you have elderly parents to look after, does one of the spouse stay at home to take care? How do you ensure your parents/inlaws are safe and your home is safe when you are off to work?
     
  4. Mandir

    Mandir Silver IL'ite

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    I used to hire a girl from stree shakthi foundation who used to be with us for 2-3 months, 24 X 7 taking care of my MIL at home. Every year we used to hire different girls initially. Later on, my MIL was in critical condition and it so happened that I took leave for one year, to take care of her. Sometimes loss of pay also. Last year she passed away about 1.5 years ago.

    Next turn was my father's. This time I did not hire anyone, because he was capable of walking and my mom was there to take care of him. Everyday during lunch hour, I used to feed them and go back to work. When my father passed away last year, I got the opportunity to serve him till his last breath. I am really satisfied that I was the only person who looked after him very carefully like a nurse. Though, I have sisters and brothers.

    Now I am taking care of my mom at home. I cook everything at home. During lunch hour, I go home, serve her and she sleeps most of the time with TV on. Evening I prepare tea for her after reaching home.

    Being a working lady with a minor son, I take care of all my relatives, friends or family or even prepare for the functions, festivals. I have seen most of the people finding reasons & they even say no time, though they are at home 24 X 7.
     
  5. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    My grandmother who just turned 95 last month is living with my father's brother and wife and a college going kid.All 3 leave home in the morning and come in the evening.They have a maid for household work.But my grandma stays alone the whole day.They have some safety locks installed in the house and each of them take turns in calling my grandma every two hrs.Thats it,we dont have anyone staying with her the whole day.
    She is okay with it.But I think either my uncle or aunt,one of their office is close to the house so in case of emergency they can come within ten min.
     
  6. ridgemma

    ridgemma Gold IL'ite

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    Hemchi, first of all:hatsofffor your concern on your ILs...
    These are the measures which we have adopted, for my FIL (around 70) and lives seperately...
    1. We have 3-4 keys placed with different people, two are with his neighbours

    2. All toilets/doors are openable from both ways.

    3. Intercom in both rooms /bathrooms with speed dials.

    4. We take turns to call him through out the day.

    5. Pls ensure you have hard surface tiles /rugs atleast in areas where they frequently walk.

    From your post, I beleive they are in good health and independent. In that case, if you ensure tthat they are reachable within 30mins of any emergency, that itself is good...
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Its a pleasure to see so much love and concern for your aged PILs .
    Don't keep any valuables at home, when you hire a new maid don't talk about money etc in front of her.
    Get a grill front door so that they can take letters etc through it without opening the door.
    Its better to live alone than with untrustworthy servants.
    If you hire one again then get a photograph, id proof, verification from police.
    An apartment with watch men is safer than an independent house as vendors cannot enter the premises.
     
  8. hemchi

    hemchi Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for all the responses.
    Mandir, wow you are doing such great work! I'm sure you'll be blessed with a lot of good things :)

    Very valuable suggestions, apaasn, ridgemma and flowerlady!

    My inlaws are independent at home. My mil is very religious, diabetic and never follows any diet, and fil is a parkinsons's patient. But we are somehow managing fine. Leaving them alone at home at any point of time is not good for any of us! But having locks, intercoms, keeping the TV on and iron grilled-doors are good ideas. We will try some of these! We are looking among friends and relatives contacts for a new maid.

    Thanks for taking time and helping with suggestions.
     
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  9. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Good work from you,Hemchi!Even I am looking for a reliable maid for my MIL as she is old and people around her do not care for her much.Again hats off to you!

    Mandir,Can you please tell me whether the agency which you have mentioned is reliable?How was the service and were the maids trustworthy?
     
  10. Mandir

    Mandir Silver IL'ite

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    yes Bhuvanidhi...the girls are very poor villagers. The stree shakthi foundation is a social service agencies, which provide these girls and we don't have any headaches about the characters of the girls. Because they require the financial support and so they work hard. These agencies visit our houses when leaving these servants and frequent calls are made to check the attitudes, warns them to be careful etc., so there won't be any problem for us even if we go to office.
     

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