8 months into marriage and this drained feeling

Eandian, you are a Phd in IL dynamics. Kalakariyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

( Translation - You rockkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk)

 

HiRe: 8 months into marriage and this drained feeling

Hi Smriti,
I can't resist but write. I had stopped coming to the in-laws forum as it brings back sad memories (a lot like what you are going through) and since I'm pregnant, I want to avoid those thoughts as much as possible. But since I have interacted with you earlier, I had to read what had happened. My first year of marriage was a lot like yours. I could only think of MIL and her taunts and all the crap. I could not sleep well.
Anyways, coming down to your issues, first thing I want to say is that you are an independent girl, a lawyer and yet you let your FIL take away most of your salary to invest on whose name, God knows. Please make sure that if you can't take a stand of saying no in giving your salary to them, atleast make sure that the investments are done in your name. The meaning of investments is to secure your future. And if the investments aren't done in your name how is your future secure?? There are so many unforeseen events that can happen. God forbid that they ever happen to you but one should always be prepared for the worst.. I don't want to bring more negativity in your life but since we are talking about investments, the whole idea of having a secure future means you aren't left with nothing when (what if you lose your job, what if this marriage fails, what if there is an emergency). I reiterate, I don't want to scare you and I sincerely pray that it never happens to you but one should be prepared, I hope you would agree. So please take a stand and ensure that you get rewarded for all the hardwork you are doing in office. It's your money.Its for you to decide if you want to spend it on your sister, on yourself or on your future.
Now how to go about it. FIL does all the finances, agree. Is he aware of all the latest available investment plans? How to diversify your portfolio? How to make a balance between investing in real estate, debt, equity, gold, insurance, medical etc? If not, start educating yourself on this matter and develop a portfolio for yourself and DH. Take help of websites like moneycontrol, jaago investor etc. To develop a portfolio, you have to set realistic targets, like by the end of 5 years, I need a certain amount for this purpose lets say a house. Then after so and so years I need a certain amount for my kid's education. I know you don't have a kid yet but no harm in starting with the savings. After you develop a portfolio, you will need a certain amount for your insurance, for your expenses, for gold, for SIP's, for tax saving schemes, PPF, for EMI's if you invest in house etc. You will be utilizing your money the way you want and it will be all in your name so your tomorrow is safe. Even if your DH says that Dad knows it the best, you say even I want to do financial planning and may be I can make my money work better. Let me try atleast for an year or so. May be start with 50% of your salary to begin with.
For all the other taunts your MIL is making, I will not comment as no matter what gyaan I give, you would want to handle it the way you think is best as you know your situation better than me.
But please for your own sake and for your family's sake, don't let your hard earned money go away from you like that. They may be your well wishers by investing the money but why should you be left hand to mouth?
Hopefully things get better for you. Good luck!!
Again I would like to say my intention is not to scare you and I really hope that everything falls in place for you! My heartfelt best wishes.

 

Re: HiRe: 8 months into marriage and this drained feeling

And this message is to eandian - I've read so many of your posts and you really come out as an inspiration to me. Wishing you well.

 

I agree with u. MILs have this weird insecurity that DIL will make their DS pay for her parents and family(DIL) or as if the DS will support DIL's parents financially. Really don't get this weird mindset that why will DIL's parents need their son-in-law's money when they raised their child (DIL) so well and now she is made to compromise on everything by MIL. Who is more money minded here, DIL and her parents or the so-called "perfect woman" MIL? Some DHs understand this with time whereas some don't.

 

I think, You should take some strict steps to stop all this..

 

As others said eandian is a role model now really I peep into the threads and read her comments

Smriti all is there in your hand try to sort out things in a diplomatic way that much I can say for the time being.

 

Hi smriti,

It happens when you have to leave your previous life and try fitting into others. everything newliving, daily chores, relationships...all..
why not you ask your husband to plan a 2-3 day out. just both of you to spend some quality time..i think this will boost your mood.

 

i think u urself can bring change . u cannot change people , u have to change ur self , ur attitude .start doing what u like, u r independent ,dont b a doormat .god has given us life which is very precious ,enjoy every moment,live every moment.life is very beautiful.all the best

 

Wow!!! Eandian, Malar. Such a good piece of advise.....

Smriti dear, glad you decided to follow them, do tell us how was the experience. I'm going through the same transition :2thumbsup: