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Its high time now

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by DGcreative, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    After saturday's so called talks mil is behaving nicely helping me out in small ways. Just when I am thinking about whether I shud talk to DH, she is back to her now evil ways. Today's 2 incidences:
    1) I had a pic wit my 2 friends frm college days at beach. It was college time pic which DS took yest to play n was not giving back. Today when m back frm work DS gave me part of that pic which was nicely cut by scissors n disposed. Bit of evidence remains to make me mad.
    2) One extra house key set bymistake fell in the gap behind showcase from me. We were searching for it for couple of days n today I remembered. I didnt want to sound memory loss so I casually suggested it mite be there. Mil now said we got keys, but said at some diff corner. She is lying outright. May be coz I suggested it mite be at a place n she found it there.(btw showcase is quite heavy to be pushed by single person, specially old ill lady)
    I just dont know what to do or say. I am feeling anger, pain n frustration al together. I hope I dont do something wrong..or may be I shud..


    Just adding....I tried behaving as much normal as possible but my pic cut to pieces didnt go out of my mind...so I literally tried looking over in dustbin....didnt find it.....then saw something nicely wrapped in newspaper in the bin.....I decided to open it n found the pic with the poloraid cover over it everything cut with scissors. I did not question anything to her....just opened it n kept the bits rite outside on the shelf above the bin. Mil did see it at nite & didnot utter a word how the bits got unwrapped.

    Some more additions: Today morning I was getting late with DS as he was not wanting to go to school & we were getting late & MIL told him she will bathe him. I did not let for 2 reasons...obvious one is I am irritated with her, so she doesnt do anything to help me but just coz she felt like. & 2 she takes ages to bathe him & we were in hurry. Obviously he was crying & DH did not know why I was behaving in such manner. We almost reached school just in time & DS started crying. After a while he was quite & I left for work. But I was almost in tears & decided to spend some time in a temple. My cell was like always on silent mode & there were numerous missed-calls. After I gathered myself a bit, I came out of temple to take my DH's call & shocked to hear school teacher was trying to call that my DS is crying a lot. So my DH was sitting at his school. Now DH is angry with me & obviously not talking to me. He has not carried his lunch box too out of anger. Its better I too fast today............
     
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  2. virilevisu

    virilevisu Senior IL'ite

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    may be you should put your ego aside for some period and think...
    sorry if it hurts....no offences meant.
     
  3. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    DGcreative,

    I think she has a lot of time on her hands and is just trying to push your buttons, she does not want to be the bad one and probably knows that you are reaching break point - which will hoist her as the good one and you as the home-breaker. Practice Gandhigiri, I know it is easier said than done, but it is only going to make her further mad as to why you are not reacting. Will also reveal how far she can go, so you can take stock and decide what needs to be done. Good Luck!
     
  4. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    I have no ego or any respect for self or her left now. But if you yet feel its my ego...can you plz explain me...may be I am not in that thinking state of mind rite now......my pic with my college friends is cut to pieces with scissors....why could mil or for that matter anyone do that n then dump it in dustbin wrapped in newspaper?????
     
  5. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    She wants to irritate u to pick up fight with her. Give her silent treatment and keep ur precious belongings locked so that she can't have access to them or destroy them. If you show her that u r unaffected by her, she will be frustrated even more with the fact that she can't make u feel upset.
     
  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    DG,
    dont stew and fret about the picture. It wouldnt have occurred to me to do what you did but you did exactly the right thing by taking it out of the dustbin and spreading it out on a shelf. You did not confront her or accuse or even ask ( all of which can be twisted) yet in an unmistakable way you let her know clearly that you know what she is upto. The second incident is direct result of first. She is fearing the impending confrontation bet you , your h and her regarding th pic and therefore trying to create instances where she can discredit your statements (even though you both know she is outright lying) I think she fears that when your h comes back you will show him the pieces and accuse her and since she is now found she is doing like this so so she can deny and say this is just like the keys incident. 'You get wrong ideas about everything. This is also just like that.' Be prepared for more instances where she contradicts your word flat out.

    My suggestion: Be patient and dont get flustered or frustrated. Bide your time. When h comes back, put the photo pieces out where even he will notice and see, maybe arrange the cut pieces so anyone can clearly see it is pic of you only cut up. Or go in your room, put the pieces on a table and then be a little sad and moody, so he notices and forces you to tell what is going on. Then slowly , reluctantly tell, but only the facts, what happened, not what you suspect, do NOT accuse her, show your sadness and bewilderment that why should your pic be cut up and wrapped up and thrown away. See how the conversation goes. But do not complain to him about her, or accuse her. you simply dont know who did it, so you are sad and confused. This could be an opportunity to start to open your h's eyes about what is happening, the 2-faced behaviour and so on.
     
  7. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Sandhya. I dont want to talk about it to my DH. He knows it too well & he can ignore it very well. Actually he has options unlike me who has to reach home with my DS from his baby sitting in the evening. I cant roam around with a 2.5 year in rains. No matter if I want to go or not.
     
  8. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont understand why DH chooses to not talk to you when DS doesnt want to go to school and you make him go? Kids are bound to make tantrums and you cannot give in to their tantrums..

    If he is angry about you not allowing MIL to bathe him, just tell him that when MIL makes DS bath, he (DS) plays a lot in water and takes more time. No need to tell him that MIL takes more time, it will infuriate him further.

    And dont fret over your pic now. I know its not easy and they are memories that cant be recreated ever but then what is done is done and you know that DH wont like it / will ignore it if you tell him. You have let MIL know so its enough. And to think of it, can it be that while playing with the pic, DS got hold of the scissors and cut your picture out? Just thinking.. May be he was scared and wrapped it up later on?? I dont know if he can but if he is a shaitan which most kids are, chances are he might also be the one!!

    Please come out of the frustration. It doesnt help at all.......
     
  9. mgaur2

    mgaur2 Senior IL'ite

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    have patience. it happens with all.
    take deep breathe, have your fav chocolate or pastry. it will make your mood.
    do a fresh start for the day.
    each day is unique for its ups and downs. we have choice to pick up what we want.

    i know its easy to say but hard to do.
    you now how i manage a bad day ? i play a game. game of firing. and i feel like iam firing at my boss or MIL. :)
    it makes me feel happy.
    choose your dose of happiness.
     
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  10. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    No dear Smriti...my DS is just 2.3yrs. All scissors are out of his reach & the way the pic was cut was much beyond a toddler's creativity. I dont intend to tell DH about it coz he wil not ignore but get angry on mil & I dont want to create scene. Anyway I am out of the loss of pic but the action/intention still hurts & will continue. DH was upset coz I let DS cry while I was bathing him but did not let mil to bathe him. Anyway even that is solved. DH called & spoke normally & even said he went home & picked up lunch box too.

    mgaur2....I will try the firing game. Thanx.
     

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