How to create real men out of momma's boys-A collection of ideas

hmmmmm...... Yes my capacity is pretty limited.............

Take care
chow

Dowryman is nursing his scars from the previous wedding and also expecting new one's....

 

Ha ha ha well said rihanna..

I guess the best way is you become his mommy dear..yes it is true..tc of him like his mom..do things like his mom,follow his mom,love his mom...that's it..he will love you...

 

Most men (and women) in our society respect our parents. If you look at it from men's perspective, they are caught between agreeing to mother's ideologies and the wife's. Most of the times it is the insecurity of either party (wife or mother). Even if they know the wife is not wrong, they request the wife to ignore. Sometimes they dont admit it because of prestige and love towards mom. In the midst of all this, the wife wants her rights,privacy etc. I feel, for small issues the wife should learn to ignore because asking the husband to support or speak up for everything means hurting the mother. Love towards wife or the idea of being politically correct will then be termed as being hen-pecked or joru ka gulam. . It is not to say that not doing anything means he doesnt love her.
However,if the parents specially FIL start intruding on bedroom issues like breastsize/breastfeeding and sexual life between wife and husband..that is the time that the husband has to put a full stop.Its absurd. Also constant belittling,constant derogatory comments,constant efforts to put down the wife is intolerable. Here and there issues should be manageable by wife. I think it is mainly finding a delicate balance of what to tolerate and what not to.

 

Hi Rose8282,
I appreciate your approach towards maintaining a fine balance and learning what to ignore and where to react. But I feel its all about building an image, if you start ignoring there comments, taunts etc they will feel you are ok enough and increase the level of mental torture. I can cite one incidence from my personal experience, at my ILs place I had to cook for everybody and after everyone was done with their lunch I ate(nobody even bothered to ask me or tell me to eat) at the end the food was not enough and I managed to eat whatever was left, my DH saw my plate and looked me as if asking -what happened? but he kept mum and didnt say anything. Now, this situation I dont know who has to stand up and what would have been the ideal situation. Sorry to say but I think these people dont deserve good behaviour.... Love- Manji

 

Manji,
If I were you, I wouldn't wait for husband or ILs to do something to get me enough food. Its a basic need and everyone has right to get it. I would make some extra food after seeing the limited quantity next time, if they are cunning enough to still eat more, I would keep some out for me or cook something quick for me later or have some bites here and there while cooking. If asked I would directly say I needed it and I can't stay hungry. If I can feed whole family I can very well feed myself.
Vaidehi

 

iam still having problems with that....although its lot better now.bug is still bugging.

1.Remind him his age (7 Kalutha vayasachi) have to take decision but consult others opinion.
2.take responsibility for his actions as a man and not blame some one else for failure.
3. differentiate between controlling advice and good advice.
4.never take crap from any one

 

To answer the question in general,
You shouldn't try to change anyone against their will. If you deliberately try to change someone, you are bound to face resistance and irritate the person pushing them away instead. It also spoils your genuine intentions in the process.
Better approach would be to make the person realize, that he is taking the wrong side at times. He is ignoring wrongful actions and comments from his parents which does not necessarily translate as he respect for them. You'll see these same men argue and talk back to parents when it comes to their own life like parents comparing them with siblings/resisting their change of place/job etc. Where's the "respect" in these cases?
They need to understand what they are doing is hurting the wife, pushing her away, creating bad image in her and the kids mind in long term, straining the husband wife bond permanently. And parents won't help improve that.
Tell him both side's story honestly even your mistakes and the way you tolerated respecting his parents and why you lost your cool if you did. Tell him you would respect him keeping out of it letting you handle if he can't stand up for the right one. And you would respect him even more if he is there for you when things get out of hands. It might take time but unless he is "hopeless case" he will be a better husband and father.
Declaration: Mine has never been what you call a typical "Mamma's boy" even before marriage so you might say I don't know what i've never experienced. True can't help it.

Vaidehi

 

<riyagan, i="" am="" not="" referring="" you="" in="" any="" part="" of="" the="" following="" reply,="" just="" a="" generic="" reference="" only="">(Riyagan, I am not referring you directly in my following answer, just a generic reference... only )
An idiot who doesnt have the capacity to stand on their own, but trying to correct another person.
When you dont have the courage to be on your own, getting into a marriage named relationship is the first idiotic step. After that still realizing that you are not on your own, trying to correct the other person for their OWN way of thinking by not leaving is the second idiotic thought...

I am really sick of these mindless comments of moma's boys etc from the folks who doesnt have their own self stand, self respect and try to manipulate the partner in relationship. If once you have realized that the other person is not suitable for you, why not walk off and live your own? Why to blame them moma's boys aunties sweets.. where is your self respect? self stand? If you dont have guts to walk off, live with it. Only idiots shout a loud from the flames without coming out of the flames... crap!!!
These kinds of moma's boys thoughts from the DILS are THE MAIN reason for the DIL/MIL bad relationships over decades. Dear DIL. First get yourself on your own feet then only get into a relationship, if you cant, live with the relationship..
you would be shown cheap to call the other as Bug and still living with them. mindless comments needs to be stopped.</riyagan,>

 

Well said, Sreesri. Very practical thinking.

There is no point in expecting too much from the spouse. The woman should believe in herself, I am as capable as (may be better than) him. In this modern age, accept him as a fellow passenger in life rather than him as the master of the house. It is the reality of life. Reduce your expectations of your spouse, and there will be less disappointment.

Let him be free and do whatever, he wants. If he fits into your paradigm of life, have a peaceful life. Otherwise, go on your separate ways. The bitching and moaning is not going to change him, neither make you feel any better. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.