Husband philandering on the Net

Hey girl, you do not have to confront him as if you are cornering a criminal! Dont worry. I agree with what Priya77 says. Get to know him better. Talk to him. Discuss various topics. See how he reacts to different situations. Know how he thinks about fidelity. Does he consider flirtatious chatting as cheating?

And when you know him better, ask him why does he not trust you? Did he marry you by force, and is staying in the relationship only because you're married? Is there no feelings involved? Why does he not add you as a friend on facebook? Why does he not involve you with his friends? Ask him about his past. Make him open up to you.

You have to understand that the first step to marriage is friendship. I'm sorry to quote srk here but it was true when he said "pyar dosti hai, agar wo meri dost nahi ban sakti to mujhe pyar kaise karegi?" What I'm trying to say is you have to know each other to be in this relationship. Two strangers dont make a marriage. Friendship / knowing each other well is necessary. I agree you cant be best of chums since day 1 but make him understand this, and that he is not making any efforts to make the relationship work. He has to know he is doing injustice to you by doing so. Not talking much. No adding on facebook. No involving in friends. These are red flags saying that he loves his secrecy more. And if he finds that you are not interested in breaking this secrecy, he will be tempted to do wrong.

I know it would be difficult talking to him like that knowing that it hurts to be cheated, but for some guys chatting is not cheating. I do not mean to say it is right, but for them it is right. So if you discuss it out in general without pin-pointing that he does it, and you get to know his view, based on his reactions, let him know how you feel. Tell him you were wanting to check some recipe online or something and he had forgotten to log out and some girl messaged on facebook and thats how you saw all those things. Let him know you're hurt. If he ignores the topic, tell him you WANT to tell him about what you feel and he HAS TO listen, dont give him options.

Discuss. Express. Dont accuse. Then take a decision.

 

"Pyar dosti hai ..

Agar woh meri sab se acchi Dost nahi ban sakti..
To Main us se pyaar kar hi nahi sakta..." :iagree

Woo..thats my Favorite dialogue..from my Favorite Movie..

hehehe..jokes Apart, yes Smriti, you are 90% right..

Being a Guy, i Agree that Boys will never include Chatting on social sites as Flirting..:roll:

Although it is a sort of..They also neglect adding you on their Facebook Profile because

Girls are really very very Possessive, Even if they Like some other women Pic, they start doing investigation over it..mg:

Being Possessive for your Love is not bad, although i would say it reflects that how much you Love your Partner, bt too much Possessiveness also not a Good Choice.:notthatway:

The all i wanna say is the one word on which the Whole relation Depends is TRUST :exactly:
Trust your Husband/wife, and Love then so much that they will never ever get extra time to

seek Love and care from others..

Checking Facebook Profiles and History of your Computer is not an option.

because if your Partner wanna cheat you, he would be Smart enough to Protect himself from

these investigation, like Making Some other Fake Facebook Profile, or Clearing all History

before he Log out.

So my Sweet..Innocent Ladies Just remember one thing...

A Girl Should Care a Boyfriend like a Mother Care for her Son....
&
A Boy Should Respect his Girlfriend like he Respect his Mother....

Try this and believe me Every thing will be Fine....

:thankyou2:

 

I read all your posts and replies to it. Here is my version. I recently was discussing with a friend of mine and she was mentioning that men who have some affair or some EMA would be very good to their wife and do everything nice and keep their wives happy (this could be for what ever reason)

Like wise he might be very good to you so that you do not smell anything wrong.

This is what I did when I found out my H was upto something, he was not flirting but giving so much of time to some female in india who used to tell him about her feelings for her Boy friend and how she feels cheated that he is marrying someone else, her harmones her lust bla bla... This guy like gyan guru used to schedule chat timings and chat with her so so much ignoring me who was full term pregnant. Just like you i monitored his mails and chats for few days, mails that came would disappear in sometime, as he wd del them. I didnt show any signs that i was having a tab on him. One morning I told him to open his gmail and asked him to open his chats... I could see his face turning guilty... i asked him what were all those !! What the heck he was up to and who the hell he is to give gyan to some stranger who he met online. I said I am gonna give that girl left right and center ( i was just threatning him) I knew this girl, as he had introduced her to me on video chat once. For that he said what will any one think of my wife, at your behaviour, i dont want any one to think or speak bad about my wife... well those were irrelevant... Then he started pointing out how i was suspecting him and that i was wrong... Well he tried his best to change the blame on me, (men have this tactic, when they have done big blunder mistake and are caught, they will find some silliest of the silly mistake of wife and start blaming, when girl is not strong, she will start defending on that point and the bigger issues would be buried).

I said that he is gonna stop all the crap, he said no she will feel bad, what the heck, if you dont stop then I will directly shout at her. Thats it it was the end, i didnt speak about all these ever after. Though I kept a tab on him. Still if he has created different ID and doing same, then i dont know, but to the extent i know he is not into it. I never got that topic even once after that day.

The point here is, just keep a check on him for some more time and one fine day tell him to open his FB messages in front of you...
And last note i dont think its a good idea to go again and say about some xyz friend and how her husband is straying and all. it would very easily give a hint to him.

 

Hi there,

It sounds like ur husband is not happy in the marriage or forced into it. He seems to be seeking a different life outside the marriage- one which I am not sure if its based on emotional needs or physical needs. If its physical needs, its not good but it can be sorted. However if he is seeking someone online for emotional needs then it is going to be a lot harder to deal with.

When one is in need of some emotional support from someone outside the marriage, it means he doesnt love you or need you around. In my opinion, this mentality is very hard to change and it might be better to slap him for all the crap he did to you and walk out of the marriage like other posters have suggested.

But if he is looking for someone who can give him physical needs, consider all the options what other il'lites have said so far. Like befriending him on fb, confronting him about his philandering issues that he has just destroyed ur marriage without even giving it a fair shot. If all else fails and he does not even wanna try to work things with you or even worse, starts arguing with you and defending his actions (when he has been wrong all this while and he knows this), then it might be right to walk out of the marriage. Afterall, it takes 2 to clap and make a marriage work. If he doesnt even wanna try, whats the point of arguing about it?

Do evaluate what state is he in- if he is trying to seek someone for emotional or physical support outside marriage. Either ways, one has to admit he has been doing wrong things in order to start a new life in future. If he doesnt admit or trys to blame you for spying on him but totally avoids the main topic, you know there is a much deeper issue to deal with. That is to first get him to understand he has done you wrong through your newly married life. Then calmly and cooly, you might want to discuss with him your need to break free of a meaningless marriage.

All the best to you and hope things will work out for u..

 

Glamsy,

Everyone has given wonderful advices. Just want to add more. JMO --

Lets say, you confront your DH and lets assume your DH is all apologitic and all your world is back to romance and normal. If you donot want to answer us, but pls answer these to yourself --
Will you ever trust him agian or still suspect him?
Will he leave this habbit of flirting or dating or whatever?
Will he not create another id (ofcourse wont disclose to you) and use it?
Will he not do what he wants to?
Will he not use his office time to do all this crap.

Lets say you confront him-- If you mention to him that you have a copy of his msg's and fb pswd. and all, he will easily turn the table to you. At the end it will be you who will be accused of peeping into his personal accounts.
Result -- Instead of you being angry on him, he will show his anger nad resentment to you. Then he will start hiding all his accounts and pswds and be very cautious in what he does when you are with him. But to get back to you , he will surely continue this. He will utilise all time he gets in office to contiue his act. And you would never know whats going on in his life.

Either of the above, or whether you confront him or not, will always leave a guilt/fear in either you or him. If all your suspicion (that he flirts outside) comes true, will you able to trust him agian and move on with your life happily?

If you do not suspect him and just think that its a habbit of his or his immaturity, then you would need to handle this very carefully and without a direct confrontation. You need to attract him towards you, may be by sweet talks or wearing attractive clothes, spending more time with him. Just try to gain his attention more towards you. See what he chats and how the girls reply back to him on fb, and try that same. MAke his comeout of his internet world. You are newly married, it is the otme for you two to explore each other. But I highly doubt that it will be just a habbit.

I understand all is easy said than done. But normally we are so blind that we cannot see what is right and what is wrong and a 3rd person's perspective helps and can even make a big difference in lifes.

Whatever you do is your call. But just be prepares for anything as an outcome. You have a wonderful life to live ahead. Be selfish, and only think and do what makes YOU and your future better and happy.

Good Luck!!

 

Dear OP,
Have u asked him to include u in his FB circle? What was his reply? This is a very normal request, he needs to give u good reason to say no.
So try that first. Again he may think it is harmless flirting. Virtual world has opened many doors and people don't think it is anything wrong. But it is. So before you confront, confirm.

 

There are somethings in life that money cannot buy, force cannot buy...
These include things like love, loyalty, true-commitment...

If your hubby does not love you or does not have true-commitment, catching him red-handed and proving guilt won't buy nothing. In the best case scenario he may be embarassed, feel guilty at being caught and then try to act he is clean for a few months. After that, he may find innovative and novel ideas to stray online.

Point is - nothing can be done by force if he does not have true love and commitment in his heart. In such cases, you have a decision to make as to whether to go forward in this or separate.

I find that at times, people in IL suggest - catch him, force him, issue ultimatum to him that MIL has to be cut-off (in other topics) etc. Human beings will find ways around all these ultimatums UNLESS they truly have love at heart for you. If they love you, then sure they will move mountains to keep you happy. If they don't love you, then they will "workaround your ultimatums".

 

upload a wedding pic and tag him.

or even better....now that u know his password, upload a wedding pic of urs on his account and jus let it stay there overnight. he he!!!

 

The OP has not even confronted her husband and some people have already concluded her husband is unhappy in marriage . He is seeking emotional / physical pleasure outside. He has no love , no commitment and what not ! God !

Such statements are not only sad but heart breaking for OP to read ...

OP,
Give urself and ur husband a chance to talk ... everything else later.

And there is nothing wrong in saying u saw his FB messages. If you feel you invaded his privacy , say that he had not logged out and you happened to see it.

I am sure I offended some ppl here ..Sorry abt it ..