Do you prepare your son to be better DH?

Anamika99 · Jul 3, 2012

Many of us have problems that DH won't help much or won;t help much when DH's mom is around. He is always Mamma's boy.
Not may of our DH know cooking and would not help in the kitchen.
DH really want to live with his parents. Won;t allow wives to spend money for her parents if it is a big ticket item. And the list goes on.

If you have son child are you preparing him/raising him so that your DIL won't have to such problems. You as MIL deciding not living with son and DIL won;t soley solve the problem. So what cautious steps are you taking?

I will start with me...

1) My son who 7 and interested in cooking, i encourage him to cook and he does
2) I make very clear that boy and girls are equal
3) I involve him in other household tasks besides cooking,
4) I teach him that everybody has their valuse they want to follow in life and none should be imposed as long as other person is not on the wrong path. That way DIL is not forced to leave her parental values, rites/rituals but can follow hers.
5) i am preparoing him to do 'what is right even when it makes other unhappy' that he does not have to be people pleaser and not have to be worried about if his parents are happy the way his life is set up with his wife.

your turn :thumbsup

anahita5 · Jul 3, 2012

yes, i will. Hope he makes some girl very happy one day !!

GodIsOne · Jul 3, 2012

I do.

I make my 4 yr old

# help me set the table for dinner and clear the table after dinner
# ground ginger garlic paste in a mortar
# clean the area which he can reach (exterior of oven, dishwasher, fridge etc)

I would definitely involve him more as he gets older.

Anamika99 · Jul 3, 2012

@godisone, wow, at age of 4 he can handle all that? Nice

eandian · Jul 3, 2012

Have only dd. But nice to see you lovely ladies training your sons. :hatsoff:thumbsup

3.5 year old DD also helps with picking toys, dusting, watering plants, folding clothes (? rolling into a bundle) etc.

Shanvy · Jul 3, 2012

Anamika,

i have a teenage son.. but am i training him to be a good dh..no..i have never thought on that angle though i am open and already in the acceptance mode that he is going to marry.

i believe, even if i were to train him hypothetically, he may/maynot be a better dh,for simple reason that the expectation of his would be dw could be poles apart from what we visualise today..

but I have been guiding him to be a good human, respect the opposite sex, be independent, and that work is not gender biased..he can cook, load the washing machine, clean the dishes, sweep,mop, clean the toilet, bring in groceries..and everything else...just like his sister..

GodIsOne · Jul 3, 2012

Anamika99 said: ↑

@godisone, wow, at age of 4 he can handle all that? Nice
Click to expand...

Yessie...he does but not with perfection. He does what he can and I let it be that way. He enjoys doing it.

Rihana · Jul 4, 2012

So, is it OK to start preparing son to be a better DH before said training of DH is done? Just asking... Isn't that like putting the cart before the horse? I mean putting the colt before the horse?

I don't think I do anything specific in how I bring up my son. I parent him and my DD pretty much the same. The usual values, be nice to others, respect others, respect environment, civic sense, politeness, family ties, do your bit around the house, be responsible for yourself in proportion to your age yada yada...

I don't do anything specific to make sure the typical Indian male traits don't show up in him. I assume living outside India automatically helps a lot towards that.

MaintainCool · Jul 4, 2012

Its feels so warm and nice on reading these posts coz I have a 3 yr old wonderful DD................

bubai · Jul 4, 2012

My opinion is different here- We should bring up kids to be good human beings, to be conscientious and to lead a happy life. Everything else will fall in place. I have 2 little boys and they are wonderful in their own ways. I teach them to take responsibility for the wrongs they do, to speak the truth and to be nice to each other and to their friends. I give them small chores to do, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. I am fine with it. Life is a long learning process. I tell them that they should not be afraid and hesitant to say "sorry" if they have done a mistake. But I am strict about onething that they should always treat others nicely (just the way they want to be treated) but at the same time, not to let anyone bully them. I teach them to stand up for themselves. We should teach children to be conscientious, to be able to find the difference between good and bad.

Frankly a mother who has a small boy does not really bring her boy up to be a good DH. This is too much pre-planning. In my opinion, a mother should teach good values to her children, irrespective of gender. Trust me, they will turn out to be great human beings. My husband was brought up in India mostly by his mom. He had never seen his dad helping his mom...But he is very very different from his dad. I give all the credit to my MIL. My MIL was not nice to me, that's a different story but she always taught the right things to my husband. Me and my husband try to do the same to our kids.

Thanks,
--Bubai