Atheist mom

ha..after a real long time I found something wherein I can pour my thoughts...

1. lighting a lamp is OK...in earlier times, people used to fear nature, from the fear rose a feeling of pacification of natural gods and that 'pacify' thought is now called puja, homa, yogna etc etc. When people knew the art of lighting a fire, to ward off darkness, they used to light lamps. It is not essentially to pacify any gods or other natural elements.

2. Slokas, Prayers, Hymns etc - well, from the times when even Vedic practice was not in vogue, human beings for want of pass time activities, used to chant ..songs mostly, folks tales,, poems etc. Slowly with the vedic practice, hymns or prayers or slokas came into beings. Please know something very important here. Vedic people were actual followers and protectors of mother earth. They realized back then that if mother earth is hale and hearty then living beings will survive. For lack of technology they resorted to chanting of mantras to bring peace, to pacify natural elements.

If your son, chants them, there is no harm. In fact, slokas or hymns when chanted by little ones, you will feel a certain sense of happiness and when your hubby chants them, you will slowly enjoy the quietness or serenity in them. There is no need to understand a melody..just feel it. Like the way we feel some songs although the words or language could be unknown to us...

Peace has nothing to do with worshiping gods...if your hubby gets mental peace or even if you at times like his way of chanting then learn to enjoy

3. Do know my friend, there was no concept of religion ever in our world, ever.... As I said out of fear we started pacifying natural elements, as we did not know what caused lightning, earthquake or even what caused a woman not to get pregnant..so out of ignorance we started thinking of God...

4. God is in goodness..in good thoughts, good actions, good words..

5. The life force that is in us is given by nature, vedic people realized this. Please teach your son reasoning, but with some limits...remember, human brain evokes feelings in us and reacts more to emotions than to reasoning...knowledge is power but sensitivity, emotions are powerful than this power...

take care

 

Hi apaasn,
you exactly sound like how I felt a long time back, (am 60 now :thumbsup)when my 2 children were young school going ones.How you feel is natural for a person who is evolving in a wholesome manner.The way you put aside your lack of faith for the same of your family members, as also your husband's large heart not to interfere with your views or impose anything on you is simply magnificent, and a lot to be appreciated.
First you should understand that nature has placed your son in the environment that is only suitable for him to grow up.Your dilemma as to how to handle your son with regard to his connection with a God, or a super Intelligence which has enabled this whole universe to go on, which you don't believe, is also natural.

Anyway, how I overcame this confusion, was to make my children believe in some other higher force called God, to whom they could turn to when in conflict, somebody other than people surrounding them.I felt that we have to provide some strong support for the kids while growing up, other than the parents, (for, who can predict whether we will be there at all till they grow up to be independent adults) so that they don't have to rely on others, mostly their peers, who also may not be adequately equipped.

Once they grow up and start thinking on their own, they can decide about this independently.You can start a God with a name and form, and the stories related to that particular deity and take it forward.You can do it as a duty since there are many more sacrifices in the future with regards to kids which are our responsibility.

I would like to add that while my son turned out to be a non-believer, my daughter evolved into a believer as teens, but now both have a clear head over their necks, and have a good stronghold in life as adults, as for as religion is concerned.

Good luck!

 

Hi Ladies....
I think it is no problem at all...
I suggest you read this it helped me resolve my confusions...
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/c...ificant-unique-features-indian.html#post96497

 

"Christmas." It just simplifies everything for me. I grew up believing it was Christmas. To me, Christmas is a word, easily understood by all. I enjoy having a reason to give my child presents!

 

apaasn, I would like to start off stating that you will understand if I say that you are going through your own evolutionary process. Whether you will remain an atheist, become a theist or agnostic only time will reveal to you! I am sure you understand that really well and as you already know it is a personal discovery and a journey.

Since the question is about your child, it depends on what you feel about what your husband feels about it. What I mean is, if your husband is ok with you not introducing these concepts and if you are convinced about your stance then it should be ok to just let him be. But if you feel, it will matter to your husband that your child be exposed and if he cannot do it (because of lack of time etc) and if you are not comfortable doing it (because of your belief system or feeling hypocritical), the ideal solution would be to enroll your child in a balvihar or balagokulam classes that are offered to Indian community in your area. These classes I am sure are open to kids 5 and older! Of course here you are allowing external influence to a certain extent. Probably your DH can take him there since they are once a week on weekends.

As for the child, he is of course observing you and your husband and will eventually make a call and whatever our beliefs, kids do tend to come with their own inclinations!

 

this is a great answer. Also, let's not confuse religion and culture. Hinduism is more a culture than a religion. I believe your child should be taught about his culture, which includes the shlokas, the festivals, the food and everything in between!

when he is old enough, he will figure out what he wishes to believe in and what to incorporate in his daily life himself!

 

Why see the slokas as religious. Slokas, festivals, wearing a dhoti,tilak whatever is hindu culture. U don't hate the culture from what I read in your posts. You do go to temples, celebrate festivals.

So instill that to your kid, your culture. That is not hypocrisy since you seem to follow it anyway. BTW, you do certain things to please your family, so I think you can handle this for your son too !

 

i think my Dad has been an Atheist in his youth. there were absolutely no talk of any rituals at home, very minor ones due to granparents influence..Dad discarded his 'thread' long back, didnt do any major post death rituals for his mom (I regret this a lot......)

I dint have kajal in my eyes as a baby, no first mundan, no ear piercing with fanfare, etc etc....as he thought all was just superstitions

i almost grew up not knowing and not respecting my identity...however over the course of time, I have turned out to be very traditional, proud , some times even arrogant in my knowledge of spirituality and religious identity.

when required i do not shy mysel;f of making my religious opinions known...

I have read and respect other religions, esp zoroastrianism, Sikhism and have come to respect Hinduim greatly for its plurality, acceptance and tolerance.

There were definitely times when i wondered why my dad didnt initiate me into a lot of things...

I sometimes envied my christian/ muslim friends who had greater belongingness with their religion, their sense of meeting their regular church goes, parish activities, choir , group fasting and so on

as i grew up, I am more at peace with myself and now I have started praying (since past couple of years only due to some belief altering situations in my life, I am 33 yrs old btw). I dont need any middleman to connect me with the force above

I dont know if I made sense, i am not so good in making "testimonies" but as someone pointed out Hinduism is more about culture, traditions, respect, day to day living rather than any sacrament or ritual per se..

the way you child would treat your elders, his teachers, his ethics....are nothing but a reflection of the way we live and conduct oursleves..that is an indication of true faith in our religion.

 

Hi apaasn,

I'm an atheist mom too. I've two small kids. My husband is an agnostic and isn't keen on religious ceremonies either. My younger kid turned one this month and we just celebrated his 'date of birth' birthday and not the one based on the star sign. We won't be have the ear piercing for him. If my husband wanted to have any of these, I wouldn't have said no.

Now, when it comes to introducing religion to my kids, I would be honest. I wouldn't start the topic of God to them nor would I stop if my in laws or anyone else discusses about God with them. If my sons grow up and ask me any question on God, I would be quite honest. I would present them with all the sides of the story. I would tell them about different religions, different God and atheism as well. Its for them to decide.

Personally, I think it would be better if the kids chose for themselves as they grew up. I wouldn't be feeding them a particular religion even before they understand. Let them grow and choose for themselves. However, if one of my son asks me to join a sloka class, I would definitely do so. For that matter, I wouldn't object if they want to join a bible class or learn any other religious teachings. I believe for my kids that choice should be purely their own.

Good luck!
Sumithra