Tough time managing toddler tantrums

How old is your kid?
How long do you expect him to play by himself with toys?

Be reasonable. This is the age when the kid wants to be more social and trying to learn new things. As a parent you are responsible to set that environment for him. If you can't then put him in a daycare. They will keep him busy and have activities for him. Else you should come up with a schedule for him. Just to give an idea.

(1) Breakfast
(2) Play time with mommy
(3) Snack time
(4) Play time with toys
(5) Lunch time
(6) Nap time
(7) Snack time
(8) Outside play time
(9) Dinner
(10) Bedtime

Do you drive, then take him to the local library, there are many programs for toddlers. Rhyme time, story time etc. If there are any indoor playgrounds, take him there for a couple of hours.

Give him that idea that there is a time for everything and when he is playing with his toys, that's when you get your "me time" You either do other work or just sit and relax.

Babies are work and there is no escape to it.

 

Kids don't learn self-play till a later date and then the school would want him to play with others! these are all phases of growth and all kids go through and so do all mommies along with their babies.

It can get sometimes overwhelming to manage when it is just you doing it most of the time. When mine were that young, this is what worked and hopefully will help you also. Hope fully you drive, if not please make an effort to learn that first.

Anyways, I always woke up an hour before everyone else at home and finished cooking for the day, yes for the day and kept the dishwater empty so that used dishes for the day could be loaded. I also showered at this time. If the child wakes up then, my DH always made sure that he will take care - hopefully you can get that arrangement without much difficulty.

Pick up three activities for the week - either by enrolling in a program or choosing your own. Like one day library, one day home, one day park next day home, one day swimming next day home! think about it if you sign up for an activity during mornings, you eat breakfast, head out come back eat lunch make him nap and it is almost late after noon, hopefully three or four when he wakes up!

When he naps, make use of the time for yourself - doing whatever you want, including napping!

On the days the child does not have activities, keep those evenings for your gym! Yes I mean it - tell your hubby that you would like to work out and if he can take care of the child for those two hours on those alternate days, it will be so good. You will feel good, he gets to spend time with the child and the child is happy too.

Ideally I would say get the child to sleep by 8, so that you can have a couple of hours with your DH. if not, then hit the bed early, say 9pm and once a routine is set for the child, it will be set for you and your DH also then you can alter to what suits you!

The lesson I learnt and still learning is moms need to be on top of things - if I am on the net too long, kids are infront of TV! If I am reading they are reading, if I am cleaning up, I can ask them to go take a shower etc! It is a responsibilty and you know you are already doing it well. Now just do it in a way that makes you enjoy all of that!

Honestly Niha for me waking up an hour early and having activities lined up along with my own gym made a huge difference! Just a couple of things here and there will make you feel better and you do have to take charge and assign sometimes! Do it!

 

klniha,

I have been with a very sick toddler, a very busy husband (to the extent, he will work overnight) and a demanding 4 year old, all alone in a place, where i could not move much with the neighbours because they thought it was not in thing to talk to people below their status.

i feel, there are two things to your frustrations..
1. the not able to relate to your child's needs at the basic level..not able to understand why he cries.. maybe you need to talk to your pead too about why he cries..sometimes a simple cold, a ear pain or some uneasiness like reflux could make him uncomfortable..it is not that he could have any of these issues..but just cross verifying with you.

It is not said just because it is rhyming..terrible twos...they are more curious, they are more energetic, want to explore the world around,they want to test their physical boundaries, and also test their new found knowledge..this is the time, they are keen on listening to you people talk and reproduce the same..so remember any shouting will be mimicked.

REgarding engaging your kid, i am sure you would have your activities listed.

i would say, me time is something that does not happen, each of us needs to bring it in..sometimes squeeze it, sometimes it is there for us to use it.

Do not cook elaborately during the weekdays. try to prioritize what you need to do without losing your cool. Clean your house as much as is possible..

if you can afford to do engage a babysitter for 2 hours a week and use that time to rejuvenate yourself..

setting up routines, and time definitely helps as srama says..

Sometimes parenting saps up energy, and do not feel guilty..but remember that we can shout, we can throw things but our kids are helpless and do not know how to express and that's what leads to the tantrums...

 

Also as a working mom, I do this. Saturday 2 hours and Sunday 2 hours is purely for cooking for the entire week ahead. As a southie, we have rice, so it's 4 veggies (curries) and 4 gravies. And thus, I have food for lunch and dinner. I just cook for the baby fresh and thus not much of cooking time.

You got to plan and be on a schedule. And as Srama said, waking up an hour early really helps. I finish my gym, bath and also other things.

He's just 20 months old.. there is more to face lady. Put your gear and be ready to face it.

More importantly don't get irritated with the kid. He's just 20 months into this world. Imagine how curious he would be. Give him that happy childhood and even if it means no sleep, no "me time". I think it will be all worth it !!

Good luck !

 

Hi

I am a working mom and until 2 months back, my husband was going to school in the evenings, so it was pretty much left to me to handle her in the evenings along with cooking/ cleaning. I cook everyday.

My daughter would be clingy too, but the way I got around it was to keep her in the kitchen with me, and keep talking to her as I was doing all the stuff. I would give her a few plastic cups and spoons and let her play with those. If I was cutting tomatoes, I would make up silly songs about the tomato and just engage her while doing all the stuff in the kitchen. It worked quite well for me. And then of course, there were those days when she would just be cranky and not want to get off me. Those days, I would just oblige by either asking my husband to get a pizza or something or just eat some frozen paratha etc.

And as the others have said, waking up early really, really helps. I have the kitchen to myself. So I make my daughter's lunch to send to daycare, our lunch and the prep work for that night's dinner, like keeping extra dal or cutting veggies or something like that. Since I do this prep work in the morning, cooking in the evening doesn't take too much time, so I finish as fast as I can and take her out for a walk or to the park or something.

Also, I insisted on days my husband had classes in the evening that he should be the one to take her and put her to sleep, so that she gets to spend at least those 30-40 minutes with him. See if something like this might work for you.

 

Hi klniha,

I do sympathize with your situation. It must be frustrating having to take care of your child all day alone. I think the other commentors have made some really good points regarding time management. Apart from these, since you mention that your son loves going out, I suggest that in the morning after breakfast, you take him to a park or any other place where he will be active. Play with him and encourage him to run around. This will ensure that he is happily tired when he comes back home. After a bath and lunch, he will hopefully feel the need for an afternoon nap. Even if he doesn't (my kids stopped napping at 2 yrs old), insist on quiet time, where he lies down and perhaps looks a picture book. The first few days, maybe you would need to lie down with him, and read a book to him. Hopefully, he will drift to sleep and that will be your best chance for some me-time!
Apart from that, I don't see why you would need to play with him. Or, to put it another way, you can encourage him to help you with housework. All kids love imitating grownups; it makes them feel excited and important! When you are dusting, give him a cloth and say you need his help! When you are cooking, give him a vessel and spoon and some dry dal and let him 'help' you with the cooking! This will keep him occupied and allow you to do your work! It will also ensure that he will grow up with the concept of housework (lol!!)
I also think that your husband should be more engaging with the child. Apart from anything else, children need to interact with their dads. Perhaps your husband would like to, but does not know how! Give him a few options; taking your son out, sitting next to him and watch him colour, making a jigsaw puzzle together. Then, let him take care of the child in his way; we all know how husbands feel if we nag !! hahahha!

Hope that's helpful! Do let us know how it works out!

 

Nandhu, you seem to be super mom.. do you have just one or 2 kids..

 

Hehehehe.. appadi ellam illai [Nothing like that] I think every mom is a super woman in many ways !!

I have a 17 month old daughter.