How to get old wisely with growing children?

sreshta · Jun 14, 2012

I have spent all my days bringing up my kids happily- yes, I stress' happily' because I enjoyed every minute of being with them, doing all that will keep them happy, healthy and smart.Helped them get the best education, good name in school, college, relatives,friends' circle and society. Now they have crossed twenty and are very happy about their achievements,are wise to take their own decisions, earn , and know what is good and what is bad. But lately I feel that they dont understand parents' feelings- A sign that I am getting old .They are happy in their own world- friends, net, social get to-gethers etc. Do they understand if we have some problem or difficulty? Or they are too busy running to catch something very high? Do I have to learn to move with the times? Please share your comments on this.

vjbunny · Jun 14, 2012

Hi Sreshta...
Yes you need to change ... Have you ever seen birds? They lay egg and take care of the young birds till they learn to fly and after the young ones fly away then the parent birds dont worry about their offsprings... We too should be like that so please take care of your health and dont expect anything from kids... If they do on their own its great...

kylie · Jun 14, 2012

dear Shresta,

You should be proud of the fact that your kids are happy with their achievements n know the good from the bad. You need to accept the change in their lives - they are no longer kids but young adults. They are bound to have a life of their own - which may or may not include you. But I am sure they care about you but may not have time to spend with you.

Agree with Bunny - your work is done now. Be there for your kids but at the same time find something else to get involved with. This is the eventual reality that all of us would one day have to face - an "empty nest". Kids would eventually grow up, leave home n have families of their own.

Take care of your health, get involved with some voluteer work or develop a new hobby which you havnt been able to do till now for want of time. Most importantly be happy n stress free !

love,
kylie

sreshta · Jun 15, 2012

Hi Bunny and Kylie,
Thanks a lot for your valuable comments. Both of you have given very wise solution. But we humans do not leave once they start moving. It takes a long time for them to fly. Till that time and even later, their joy is our joy. We see that each of their needs met, each prayer heard. Even a small discomfort worries us and we take it to our heart as our own problem and put our full mind on solving it. Yes, every stage is learning stage and I have to practice detachment not expecting much.They are lovely and I have to be there for them rest of my life.
May be see them get married and love my grand children and help raise them . I am born to love and care and JUST LOVE KIDS!!!
Love
Sreshta

Shanvy · Jun 15, 2012

you don't need to stop loving them or caring for them..you need to learn to have something other than your kids and their welfare..a hobby, a group that satisfies that empty space..

after a certain age, you NEED TO BE THERE, WHEN THEY NEED and NOT WHEN YOU THINK THEY NEED, and should also be prudent enough to allow them to make their mistakes and grow..

we need to grow old gracefully in all sense of the word..does growing old make one wise i don't think so..but if we end up being wise, it is an added bonus..

Take care of yourself and your emotional and physical health, that is the best thing you can gift yourself and your dear ones..

vjbunny · Jun 15, 2012

Hi shreshta...
Motherly love is like evergreen spring but we need to rein in our feelings so that we dont burden kids with our expectations... for it is these

Do they understand if we have some problem or difficulty? Or they are too busy running to catch something very high?
Click to expand...

thoughts that gives problems in future it is good that you recognised early.... and I think Shanti has explained beautifully...