1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Urgent Suggestion Needed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by India123, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. India123

    India123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    102
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    As you said I told her n number of times, just for son's sake let us live happily.She says she cannot forget things, I tell if i'm ready to forget why cant you , she want to hang on with those things till I say it is correct beacuse I cannot keep this going, is taking it as granted.

    Whenever there is small fight,she say's I will leave home, I will then go. She says you only told me to leave, but she never ever understands that she is initiating these thoughts.
    I have put my options and asking for suggestions, But there is only option I'm thinking is keep my marriage , I do not wont to leave my son at the same time I do not wont my son to miss his mom love also.
     
  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    804
    Likes Received:
    847
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Take her on good vacation and have heart to heart talk with her. Ask her again and again what does she want to make if work. Leave your male EGO for sake of kid and ask her you want to make it work and how can you both proceed? Don't bring your family or her family in discussion at all. Try to keep her happy for some days and see how it goes. GL!!
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    238
    Likes Received:
    138
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP: Regarding your wife's repeated threats about dying, I think it's a hollow threat! Usually people who keep talking about dying do nothing, and those who actually die don't talk about it.

    But please safeguard your baby from this woman. I read about nutty women harming their child (there was a case where a mother put the baby in a washing machine). Such women are more dangerous than the ones who harm themselves. And reading about your wife's mental state, nothing can be said. So pls pls take care of the child always.
     
  4. AlishaT

    AlishaT Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    84
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    You are being so thoughtful towards your son's well being. Its truly admirable. At the same time, I dont understand what is it that she is hanging on to so badly that she hates you (1) and almost ignores her son's crying when you guys are arguing (2)? You must have done something big if not your wife's behavior is simply unreasonable..

    If its unreasonable, and given that u wish to keep your marriage, It it possible for both of you to be separated but yet living under 1 roof for the sake of your son? When i mean separated, I mean not having any form of divorce but deliberately keeping all forms of communication to the bare minimum? Even if you choose this option, I am not sure how long can you go on with it.. But one thing you will teach your son is how to be together in a marriage despite the ups and downs life throws at you. In this generation, its a rare n golden gift imparted to the children of tmr. Good luck!!
     
  5. priyaprem

    priyaprem Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Indian 123,

    I'm really feel sorry to hear your story. Since your wife was brought up in an ALL MALE environment from her childhood...she thinks bossing over, talking rude, and even man-handling are all normal. Your wife's attitude towards you is just a reflection of the past, her up-bringing, her environment.The behaviour pattern is deep rooted.Moreover she also comes from a financially sound background.....and she would have not had any check on her behaviour when she grew up.......hence she was brought up or forced to beleive 'coz of people around her being tough and rough , and applying force (verbally or physically) will create a fear on people and will ultimately opress them and make them to listen to you..

    I sincerely appreciate the patience shown by you so far......continue doing so......have a deaf ear even if she provokes you ( It is easy for a women to do so.....but i know it would be difficult for a man), IGNORE HER!!! I mean LITERALLY, Try to take the role of mother as well as father for some time, (If we can do it YOU men can also do it.....THE ONLY CRITERIA HERE IS BEING HUMAN AND NOT GENDER) Focus more on your child....Make her to beleive that you can also take care of your kid...(If possible take a break from your office at least a week's time to prove that...).

    In your case SILENCE IS THE WEAPON to defeat her.........even if she provokes you move away from that place with a smile.......(Yes this gesture of you will certainly shock her,beleive me...) Soon, she will be bored, and eventually calm down......or will try breaking her head to know what has happened to you? In doing that she will atleast busy in her own world......Remember"- IF THERE'S NO ACTION THEN THERE WILL BE NO REACTION TOO.....!!!! and IF THERE'S NO REACTION FOR ANY ACTION SOON THE ACTION WILL DIE OF IT'S OWN.....

    So First ...........don't give her chance to pick on you...........Second, Even if she does move away saying nothing............Thirdly.............continue doing so for some time...........above all.....take this GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO BOND with your child a lot....................

    Happy Parenting!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. India123

    India123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    102
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Priyaprem,

    As you told she was brought up in male environment talking rude, and even man-handling are all normal, always her brothers were upperhand. In the last fight, whole saturday I was quiet with her verbal abuse(Which are most filthy words which we call labour language in India), she told me you are girl, Eunuch, I accepted everything, Still she continued on sunday, I just lifted my hand and took back and left into balcony(she came saying that why I did lift the hand and did not beat her I told beating you is like beating buffalo), she started beating me like anything, still I left the place, But when I came back home my son was awake and this time when she started physical abuse my son started crying, I reponded back.There is limit to everything,how much a person has to bear? I can say there is limit to patience.
    She can break my silence by provoking more and more.

    Last time she was abusing verbally and I was playing with my kid and when I respnded verbally back, she threw a steel utencil which she was washing it hit by head with a scratch and little bleeding, I kept silent that she will learn with that, but things are going more worse.
     
  7. India123

    India123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    102
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    I left male ego completely, I told her one day if you want to abuse my family do it single day and not to repeat again.she scolded like anything but she never kept her word.She do not know what she is happy with.Happiness is one should feel it, if you are not feeling it, what can make her happy ?
     
  8. Pranjjal

    Pranjjal Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    479
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    India123,

    After ur wife's yelling,shouting,beating session will be over make her sit,give her a glass of water and ask her silently r u feeling better now. Do u feel happy,glad after bashing me and my family? Ok good but then what nxt?
    How long u r going to continue this? What will u achieve by doing this? Do u ever thought how it will affect our child? Ask her in loving and sweet voice make her speak, listen to her heart. I am sure she has something in her mind which need to come out. Tell her in sweet and gentle voice when I see other couples I do feel that we should live such a happy,beautiful,lovely married life with our kid. Tell her lots of ups and downs comes in life but one has to forget bitter past and work on bright future because if we r intend we can pass through any hurdles. Tell her by such disturbing situations we will hv miserable married life.
    Try to find what she want? What are her expectations? And after that if u feel she want to change her attitude, her behavior and she deserves to be with u as a companion try to make ur relationship stronger or Decide with affirmation for a decision to leave her Just Do It !!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    781
    Likes Received:
    768
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    India123,

    I really feel for you. Since your wife was brought up without mother's influence, it seems she does not know how to be in family life. Going for marriage counselling is better. But bringing up a kid in foreign country without any support makes many mothers crazy. So simply there may be nothing wrong with her but she is unable to cope with the demands of motherhood. Not all people can be the same, some can cope and some cannot. If possible, put your kid in day care for 2-3 hours and see if there is any difference in her.
     
  10. priyaprem

    priyaprem Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    146
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    India 123

    I understand ....it will be too difficult especially for a MALE to keep silent especially when they were abused.......their PATIENCE LEVEL is very minimal....not Like Women.....o.k.....it seems your wife want or love unnecessary dramas....either she is bored in her life...at least the present stage....inspite of having an one yr old kid.....or she finds an immense pleasure in picking on you.....and you palying an under current has made her to feel more powerful.....Now, if you really need some serious change in her please send her back home asking to take a break even if it is for 6 months no problem......i know it will be difficult.....but i'm sure with her nature she won't be able to cope up with her own brother's wife and soon she will feel ITCHY there too......and she will eventually start nagging you to bring her back......Beleive me......these kind of ladies need to be taught by provinding them Practical situations, rather than therotical advise or pleadings.....

    Don't think that she will stay happily forever there......soon people around her will start wondering on her prolonged stay also her brother and wife's privacy should certainly be affected in some or other way.........which will refelct on their relationship and eventually she will feel left out at that time and will come back to you running......

    But you have Literraly try out to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN......
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page