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A new problem in my married life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by diana, Jan 19, 2008.

  1. radhika4m

    radhika4m New IL'ite

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    I dont understand Born2Win's problem

    If you initiate the act and ur husband responds to it, where is the problem. Atleast he responds, I know Diane's problem is more severe.....

    But I really cant understand Born2Win's real issue, is there something I am missing

    I am sorry if this has already being discussed...Later
     
  2. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    I can understand Born2Win's problem...i'm also in a similar situation...ours is arranged marriage but we both had a good time before marriage and initial months after marriage...but nowadays i feel there is nothing in our relationship...i do everything to please him....and we dont do anything for months together also sometimes and i'm surprised that my husband doesnt miss it at all....if i provoke him then he does that too like once a month or so....thsi march its shall be our two yr anniversary and he doesnt even want kids now....initially i used to feel so bad but nowadays i just stopped thinking about all this stuff and carry on with life as it is coming to me
    -Priya
     
  3. payalg

    payalg New IL'ite

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    Radhika, there is a difference , a huge difference, most of the times when a women initiates it, the men will do it for the sake of it and get over it ......i am not saying always but that seems true atleast in Born2wins case

    It leaves you with the feeling that you were better without it than forcing him into it

    The difference is passion .....if there is no passion.....it is just like an routine act without any meaning

    I hope that clarifies your doubt
     
  4. preetigupta25

    preetigupta25 New IL'ite

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    HI,

    I agree that these days most of the couples loose passion in their marriage after some time.. But after listening to many in this forum I feel little satisfied that it is a common problem. Generally when I talk to my friends, most of them r having it every day or once in two days . so I used to feel very much frusturated... as if my husband had ditched me and didn't tell me before marriage that he is having this issue.. I keep on trying many options to increase his interest.. After long trial and run methods I learnt that men are like kids (or atleast my man), you need to initiate, then only they take some action... now this initiation doesn't need to be only in bed but like talking, laughing, discussing a subject of their interest, listening to them.. take some time out of ur daily household activities for them.. Thing is that we want everything as we see in the movies..

    and I am really thankful to everybody in this forum..

    I am little surprised with Born2Win as she didn't reply at all after starting her discussion.

    and one more thing I want to share is that you should listen to them sometimes, but sometimes you should avoid them as well... don't pay toooooo much attention to them.. enjoy ur life and let them enjoy too.. if he is watching some girl, don't ask him a question..

    Men and Women are seperate entities all together.. Our minds are wired differently..

    Here I am not trying to give u all a lesson but just trying to share what I learnt :)

    Hope it helps u all
     
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Diana,

    I am a male so i dont know if i am qualified to tell u anything.Anyway

    A male is normally pretty possessive and jelous where his wife is concerned.I would advise to keep away from this male collegue of yours, and dont tell yr husband anything about him.Why create unnceccary complications.Regards.kamal
     
  6. Morning Glory

    Morning Glory New IL'ite

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    Hi Diana,
    Maybe, you can also appreciate your husband for the little things he helps you with. Very often the wife, appreciates the husband's help but would never express it in words. So, maybe, you can tell your husband that it gives you great delight to see your husband spend time with the kids, and how he helps you during their growing ages.

    You might have tried cooking his favourite food too....? Why I ask you this is, very often, most of the Moms decide the menu for lunch and supper depending on the kids preferences and ignore the choice of husbands.

    Though these tips, are not a permanent solutions, but might be a small step for a better tomorrow.
     
  7. Born2Win

    Born2Win New IL'ite

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    Hello all.....

    Thank you for all your support....actually as my FIL had passed away their were lot of work to do.Now only i have got time...first thany you all for ur immediate responces.

    Actually now the situation is becoming more wrst ...my MIL is showing more affection on my hubby now and he is also the same.I understand that we have to support her but the situation is like he gives her more importance and sometimes ignores me.Since their is so much wrk that has to b done by him he gets irritated and shows that on me. i dnt know what to do.Now we cannot go to a doc also. Every week end we are expected to b with her [​IMG]

    Hmmm waiting for something gud to happen...and praying god
    __________________
     
  8. ANK

    ANK Bronze IL'ite

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    WIth due respect to all the advices dished out by all in this thread, after reading all of Diana's mails, I can feel how hollow and empty she must be feeling. Come on, every girl has a dream of marriage, and a heart to heart, soul to soul relationship, which she knows is possible with only one man, and then to go through all that Diana has gone through? How many ladies out there will make all the sacrifices and adj. she has made, to bring her hubby back to her, and continue doing so after all these yrs? She is a woman too! She needs to feel that she has found her soul mate, and needs to feel wanted, loved and cherished. She needs to feel his arms around her, and needs to believe that he is her everything!

    My heart goes out to Diana, and hats off to her confidence, her will power! Every human being needs that special someone, and after all these yrs. she is still trying to seduce his cold soul! I look at this from a diff. perspective, coz I went through a similar sitatuion for yrs., but destiny had things planned for me. I kept withdrawing in to my shell, and one fine morn. he woke up, and realised the damage he had done to my soul. Today, he is making up for all those lost yrs. Initially, I was cold to the overtures, but I mellowed, and have started realising that he has come back to me for good, heart, body and soul!

    All that I have to say is, Diana hang in there, as long as u can. But let it not change u so much that u forget who u r. We live in a civilized world, and each one of us have the right to keep ourselves happy. Try to find ur joy, whether it is by staying with him or leaving him. U r the one to call the shots dear! After all life is too short to keep making sacrifices for all and sundry, and in the bargain forget ur own life! Whatever be ur decision in the end, I KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER JUDGE U!
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Diana...

    Wow.. thats great!!! Give it some time... your hubby cannot be like that forever. you need to give him an ultimatum. he cannot take you for granted. how long is he planning to punish you for his mistakes with his ex, right? Arent you entitled for some love too? what mistake did you do to get this type of life?

    I understand you spend 8 years of your life to bend this relationship. But are you ready to spend your next 30 years like this? What is your life after the kids are gone? just go to some pilgrimage and wait for the call? No.. thats not what you want in your life. You must have read in many posts here.. people take steps at any age.. So never get carried away for the time you had spent .. but think about your future...

    I am not asking you to immediately give green signal to that guy... as your hubby has bad experiences with women.. you have too.. we never know what this new guy might be or how he might react once you get committed. Dont make the same mistake as you did with your hubby - showering him with unconditional love.. and being in this lifeless relationship. As I said in other posts.. talk to him.. he cannot take any more time.. its been 8 years.. either he wants this relationship or he can move on thinking about her and spoil his life.. but you are not to be taken for granted anymore.. you are not the victim anymore.. Be bold. you are independent, kids are grown up.. you can handle it sweetie... As I said to someone earlier.. its better to have a broken family than a rotten one!!!
     
  10. diana

    diana Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Nandu,

    Thanks for replying in all my threads, but I wil reply to you here. Its true that I am in a loveless marriage, but after reading people posts where they mention agressive husbands literally beating them and also inlaws who make life a living hell. I feel I am far better off.

    Like SS told me, I put down on paper what good n bad I have of this marriage, besides having an unlovable partner, I have all other plus points in this marriage, good inlaws, loving kids, sound and independant life, also a good job and lots more.

    So i guess I have made myself happy thinking of all this plus points. Slowly things are also improving on my hubby's side. I know he wont be 100% like i want him, but there are some % of improvements and hoping things will be far better as life goes on.

    It is said that when you see someone who has every thing, you miss what you dont have. But if you see people who have not even what you have, you feel how fortunate you are. So I have started thinking likewise and am happy.

    Thanks for your concern and kind advise.

    Regards,
    Diana
     

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