Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

klniha · May 14, 2012

Hi all,

I had to discuss this with you all. I somehow feel I have some hidden problem inside of me and I don't know what it is. If you've read my previous posts, I have mentioned a lot about these fights that I and DH have. They are mostly very petty to hear but coz they involve parents most of the time the fights blow out to huge ones. Today after a scene (DH was going to talk on Skype with his parents and I was tired so went into the bedroom for a nap, his parents asked him about me and he came in after 10mins and woke me up saying his parents were asking him about me, I was in middle of sleep, recapped all suggestions give here so instead of getting angry, changed outfit and sat there spoke few lines and bid bye) I somehow got really angry as to why he invariably gives calls of his parents or bro even when I am busy, like middle of cooking or sleeping or something else. Couldn't control but get angry and asked him, he was like I dint know you were sleeping, it's just 10mins so thought you were still awake but I say atleast when he saw me he shouldn't have woken me up. He dint prolong the discussion and kept mum for a long time to whatever I said, I got even more angry started crying, shouting basically hysterical. Then after i cooled down, I went and told him coolly he was like ' look at your behavior, how you behave, speak etc, if my IL asked for me I wudve spoken even if I were sleeping (I wouldn't have woken him up in first place) etc etc' I am bugged as to why he takes anything his parents say as a compulsion and at the same time I feel I shouldn't have reacted the way I have. Usually I feel here people support the other person but really am I wrong here. How to handle such situations and mainly my DH. I see we fight over these which become huge fights almost every week. And am I having a problem with the way I became hysterical coz he was mum (last time he hit me so did not want any prolonged arguments) I am plain fed up of fighting and posting my problems here. We love our parents so much, sometimes I think that's the problem. Can you tell me your perspective on this?

Thanks for listening.

rose8282 · May 14, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

I wouldnt wake up someone for this reason. I would speak with my inlaws while cooking. Its about the willingness to speak which comes from the heart.He must have kept mum because he must have realized that he was wrong else he would have argued with you. You being hysterical,crying and shouting just for the fact that he woke you up, looks foolish to me..sorry to say this.This behaviour ticked him off naturally because it is over-reacting for required situation.

superwoman09 · May 14, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

Maybe you over reacted a bit. I am saying this on reading this post, have not gone through your other posts. Your crying and getting hysterical may be the reason why he kept mum. With ILs u need to speak at least a little whenever you DH calls and talks with them..ie..if he calls from home and you are at home. So you did the right thing by getting up even though you were asleep and talking with them for a little while at least. Many a times, ILs feel that the bahu is avoiding them since only DH is talking and it gives them peace of mind if the bahu talks with them, asks them how they are, tells some recent happenings, etc etc especially if its a newly married couple who has gone abroad since they hardly know the bahu. Please do not argue over small petty things with DH especially regarding PILs unless they are of the torturing kinds since this strains the relationship with husband a lot. Remember for him its his mom and dad that you are talking about. What if someone calls your parents names. However they are they have brought him up and made him the person whom you chose for marriage.

Laxmi1982 · May 14, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

Hi Dear,
Do you really want to talk with your IL?its all about in your mind..if you have any problem with them..talk your DH get this sort out..otherwise...it will create big problem .

I was having some issue with IL'S ..I gave reason to my DH and made him understand ...if your DH cares for you he will listen to you.

blessed · May 14, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

I have not gone through your other posts but based on this post it was very nice of you to speak to your in laws even if you were woken in the middle of the sleep, but if you had left at this it would have been wise, instead you created a scene in this matter which I think it was stupidity. Your DH was right after all it was only 10 mins since u went to sleep and he waking you and asking to speak a few words to his parents was very kind of him, he wants to create a good impression of you to his parents and u getting hysterical for this matter sound abnormal.

needhelp123 · May 14, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

I agree with others. Waking you up was really not a big issue.
Would you react the same way if he had woken you up to talk with your family?
I guess no.
And imagine if he had told the in laws that you are sleeping. They might started to think bad about you that you are lazy or having problems with their son etc.
He made sure that they don't know about your silly fights and made them believe things are fine between you two.
This is really great! Cause if in laws get involved in your matters things will get really messy!

bujji_1522 · May 15, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

Hi OP,

Do you have any issues with your DL?

If you knew you DH was about to call his parents, why not wish them and and casual 2 mins talk and tell them you are tired and go ahead and sleep? after all even if you have issues with you IL's wishing and inquiring elders would not hurt as anyway...may be your husband does not want his parents to talk bad about you like you are ignoring or avoiding them, and you have screamed and cried which has hurt him even more.

You would have been equally hurt if you were talking to your parents and your husband went and slept in another room believe me.

Try not to have big arguments or fights between you people on IL's issue, try discussing them when you both are at good mood.

-Bujji

luv2smile · May 15, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

I was talking to my parents over skype and my DH came just stood for a second left saying he has to use the restroom...He could have had the basic courtesy to say hi and ask how are you. I am not asking him to speak or chit chat for long hours...I just got mad on seeing his behaviour...i asked why he did that...he said that he din't expect me to be done with the call soon and asked me to connect again which he knows that I am not going to do..I think we just have to be patient. He is sure a good father and good husband so we just have to forgive them for their mistakes and move on with our lives.

pdd · May 15, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

Well.. I have not read your other posts.. but here is what I feel as a friend... I think you did all this... coz u didnt want to talk your IL... which I understand.. how stessful it is... Being direct to your husband will not help you at all... just make up your mind... to talk to your IL's once a week... I really knw how big pain is this... but sometimes you just ahve to do it.... So just make up your mind.. the day you want to talk to them... just feel happy from within.. get close to your husband... and do something that makes you happy... this is the best to avoid the before effects of your IL's call...

sinvid · May 15, 2012

Re: Is the problem with me? Am I wrong?

Hi Dear,
In my house, I give standing instructions, that I should not be waken up until it is emergency and if it is emergency, they should call 911.

Seriously next time, you can talk to them during the beginning of the call itself so you can have your mental peace and you can concentrate on your other chores peacefully. I think you were stressed about him not waking you up, but could be the fact that he woke you up knowing, you do not enjoy talking to your ILSs and could have given an excuse. But these are the things, i call unavoidable in married life and try to take them in a lighter note.

Whenever my husband annoys me for small things, I look at all the small good 'Choo chweet moments" that he does for me and immediately I feel better.

All the best.

Regards,
Shanti.