Why Is it so hard to make indian friends here?

lucky you. None of them except me in my family felt it although there was an immediate confirmatory mail from the school authorities repporting that the kids are safe and there be is reason to panic because it 's a mild one -3.9 on the Richter scale.

OC girl, thx for liking my post.

 

OrangeCountyDesi

I agree with you. There is a saying in English I am sure you are aware of " Birds of a feather flock together". I have seen so many threads " Are there any XXXXX females from <place name>". Infact in some threads I have even seen members talking in their mother tongue.

I think many females( I should say members) here are more comfortable when they see someone from the same state, in some cases same city. I think its because they want to talk in their mother tongue more rather than english. They are more comfortable speaking in their language( the way they speak at home)

I don't think its bad. I know its frustating. Even in workplace this is the scenario. Not only in US but even in India. People from certain communites will only mingle with people from same communities ( most of the times) But there are cases where they will mingle with other communities. But its a rare occasion.

Thats the beauty of India that has more than 25 plus states and 25 plus MAIN languages( with 100s of dialects) and so many religions, castes( and sub castes) and communities. The only country in the world that can boast of such diversity.

 

OCDdesigirl,

I personally prefer having friends from multiple communities including my own. When we came newly to NJ, my neighborhood had mainly Gujarati and Maharashtrians. They were great to me. I didn't experience any exclusion. They helped me a lot after my delivery.
That said, I can understand some people craving to speak in their mother tongue and giving their kids an atmosphere where they can learn and use their mother tongue. I would like it too. Also when doing pujas, the customs I found to be different. Even now I have more of west and north Indian friends, and I like having south Indians during some pujas.

 

I sometimes feel like that because I am not "enough" of this or that - coming from a mixed background, having never stayed in one place in India for longer than 3yrs I have never had a sense of belonging to one particular place or region or language. But over the years, I have realized that it is not regions but personalities that matter and as adults we are looking for more deeper relationships (even in friendships) with out realizing. Nothing wrong with that, just that forming new friendships then takes longer and as soon as we think we have some stable friends, changes happen in their lives and they move on! I know this is not a direct answer to your question but I think trying to associate with people from same regions eases these feelings (I am no expert but I am simply thinking out loud) and that is why maybe there seem to be clusters appearing every where! I don't know! Then when kids come into play, it gets more easier to fit in any group because then the focus shifts to what's needed for kids and suddenly one finds surrounded with friends from various regions! You see - the dynamics keep changing.

That said I agree with what you say but then there are people like me who have friends from varied backgrounds including my own and but it has taken years to build this! and I am not a part of any parties that happen with people from my region though I know many of them - I don't know the reasons and am happy to put it down to personalities including my own.

 

Loved the way you expressed it , Srama!

Frankly for me it is more of befriending a like-minded person crossing the language or community barrier. If I had to pick someone from my own community who is margining on my wavelength or someone from another community who syncs with my wavelength, I could close my eyes and make that decision..I cannot compromise on 'personality' over 'petty' reasons like language, caste or creed. But if someone has strong values attached to one's community then it is the other way round. Perhaps a bit com promisingly choosing near-like-minded friends from the same community. It also depends on what you seek in a person and how you perceive friendship.

Mind, you are upgraded to an 'outcast' in most of the cases when you are not keen to mingle in your own community. But it may be worth for the people you are doing it!

 

Hi everyone,

even I am looking for Some friends here ...If any one is from lucknow I will be moreeeeeeeeeeee happy ( just for the reason i am new in Lucknow and would like to have a friend circle here)

 

Well, I love to have Sambar rice and talk about Rajini and amma's politics. I don't think a sindi or a bengali can gossip with me and have vadai for snacks while we yap