How to deal with constant ridicule from inlaws?

If your MIL is constantly talking non-sense about you, you can ignore her. But stand up for your daughter. Your SIL and your BIL's wife shouldn't make fun of your daughter, does not matter whether she is 4 or 14. If that is the situation, you need to be far from such people. My in-laws pass snide remarks about me every now and then. They love to make fun of bengalis (I am bengali). I just ignore them and walk away. But I will never tolerate if they talk non-sense about my kids. Like a lioness tell them to back off. If they don't and still pick on her, stop talking to them.

--Bubai

 

If your mil wants to go and live with the elder son Great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is one less tension to deal with. All in laws feel they are better ,better and the best so don't pay attention. But in your daughter's case you have to put your foot down. Tell them politely but firmly any disciplining will be handled by me so you tell me i will take care. It is important that you put a stop to it because your daughter's self esteem is at stake .

Another thing you are the only one who truly know the effort you put in so don't give them the emotional power to decide what you are. You are a failure only if you admit failure. All the best.

 

Dear same story onlyk diff is my case-sil your case-mil
my sil olwasz had a aplan to leave our house but at the end she blamed me that she left because i didnt do any helop in kitchen while i was doing work after coming back from office

Dear oyou should be happy that she cant stay with you and thus would interfere less in your domestic matters first.
Second only thing is she can do is talk nonsense anout you to your bil's wife and sil
but it shoudnt bother you..
in my case my sil said bad about me to my dh fil eldest sil, dh's cousins neighbours
but we know
god is watching
he knows what is right what is wrong
he will take revenge one day
god bless

 

kma, from your post I feel that it could be one or more of the following:
They are jealous of you for whatever reason (you stay abroad, work(?), probably have a more understanding DH or something like that)
They know that you feel this way and enjoy your reaction.
They are simply bullying you as you are the youngest.

Hard as it may seem, it is best to ignore all this as reacting to it would only provoke them to comment more. As a PP said, I would not tolerate unnecessary comments on my kids. Other than that, if they commented something on you, just smile and make it seem like you are least bothered. Believe me, if you keep doing this for a while, they might actually back off and perhaps even start respecting you.

The part about your MIL is so similar to what happened to me. My MIL, when she came to stay with us, would always talk about wanting to go back and would praise my cosister almost everyday. After a point it made me feel like she hinted that I was not as good as cosis-dunno whether that was what she intended to say. If she keeps saying it, again just ignore it or actually ask her if she is homesick and whether she wants her departure to be advanced, say it very sweetly. I understand how you feel as here I was, bending over backwards to make sure ILs were comfortable and all MIL did was talk about going home. Remember that when you feel you have done your best, you actually have. Their contentment ultimately lies in their hands and you are not responsible for their happiness beyond a point. If they are not satisfied no matter how much you do, do not worry about it.

Elder or younger, I strongly believe that one need not take crap and unwanted comments from SILs, BILs and cosisters who are supposed to be your peers within the family. I personally would keep quiet to some extent with PILs, but not with the others. Same suggestion regarding cosis and SIL-ignore. Make it seem like you are very busy with job/kid/hobbies/housework etc. and do not talk to them frequently. If they make personal-level comments (such as those about maturity, appearance etc.) I would fight fire with fire. My cosis who is very fair-complexioned was always commenting on my skin tone, and comparing indirectly. It took me a while to realize this, as I am not particular about complexion, weight etc. At one point it so ended up that each time I met her there would be some comment like this, subtle suggestions on how I could "improve" my complexion as she thought it looked bad.
She has a complex about her weight (though I do not think she is overweight at all) and once I made a passing remark about how it seemed like she had put on weight. This is not my style at all and I hate commenting on others' appearance but it shut her up for good.

Remember that difficult as it may be, you need to stop taking all this nonsense to heart as it will eat away at your peace. Just distance yourself from it all.
GL!

 

Well put sheztheone!

I've struggled with similar issues since I've got married and it gets old. When others make you feed bad about yourself, it's not as easy to fight it off because it takes energy and strength. Above all things, I think we all (good daughter-in-laws) just want a great relationship with DH's family because they are the reason that DH is in your life. At first DH was terrible at balacing and taking my side. After 3 years of marriage, DH now sees how his family behaves and I don't have to interact with them much. I still don't agree with how DH "solves" issues, but whatever. It's HIS family.

First, work on yourself. Remind yourself and tell yourself over and over that you are doing your best and you care. Once you are strong yourself, the rest is a bit easier. Write affirmations and self-talk.

Next, throw his family off guard!! If MIL wants to compare/contrast and leave.. say "Oh.. I'm sorry you feel that way. Let me know how I can help you." You'll be surprised, but they won't know how to react. Then walk away casually. I have to do those kinds of things to my MIL all the time because she enjoys causing drama. Just avoid discussions and stand up for yourself without seeming disrespectful. Then remember that you cannot control their feelings.

Third is your wonderful daughter. I have a child, and I know the motherly instincts and feelings that come in play. DH's family does not visit, play, send gifts.. nothing for my son. They don't even care how he is or what he is doing. When he was first born, they visited once and made lots of comments. the "over" held him (it was to seem that they care.. my family was around and they wanted to make an impression). Inside I wanted them to stay away from my son, but I KNEW they wanted to play that game. Instead I let them play and play and play. I guess what I'm suggesting is don't take it personal. That's what they want - a reaction. When they are being rude/inappropriate with your daughter, pick one BIG issue and snap at that moment. Make sure DH is around. Let your daughter and DH see that you are standing up for your child. THAT's powerful. ILs will hate the whole "she did that in front of our son, she has guts..."

Hope any of this may help. I'm still in working progress. Please le me know if any of this helped.

 

If you live seperately from everyone then you can just ignore their talks, have a dont care attitude. But when someone picks on your DD you have to talk back.If your MIL wants to go back to her elder son's house just let her go its good for you. Some people no matter how much you respect them they try to pick on petty issues and they never tend to change their attitude its better to always ignore such people.