How easy is it to leave ur baby with in-laws while you go for work???

nimnik · Apr 18, 2012

Dear ladies,

I do not want to say that am really stressed thinking about this question, but am not at ease as well - Is it really easy to leave ur baby with in-laws when u r away?

I do not want to say that my in-laws are not good in doing that.... but i just do not want to take any risks!!

My baby is 4 and half months old. She developed an infection(mastitis) almost a week after she was born and i have been terrified since then. She is all good now but that incident left me to make myself and my daughter see no troubles like that..Though i had to join back work to keep up the financial status stable, i surely have no peace in mind..

My mom is doing a tremendous work by taking care of my DD... Even i may not be able to do that, i suppose.. :bowdown

Now coming to my MIL(amma) she is a nice person... SHe is soft spoken..She is calm.. But she does not take any decisions by herself..I can say she got used to be neglected in ay decision making done by FIL(appa)..I would say i have encountered more problems in my marrried life due to appa and not amma.. He wants to poke his nose in all the things me and my DH do..Though initially i thought he is just giving advise coz we are new in leading life together. As days passed i started feeling that it was non of his business to poke his nose everytime in everything we do.. Simply to say, there was no privacy..
He thinks that all decisions should be made by him. My DH, more than once told him clearly that he wants to lead his life on his own and see if he can succeed and doent want appa to hld his hands always, coz in due course he might not know how to lead life after appa..but all our words go in water, as he pays no interest to listen to our feelings..
Even about taking care of my daughter, appa has certain ideas, WHich i personally do not like. I want to grow up my kid as an independant individual and not dependant on anyone like my DH (from which he is struggling to come out!!)

From basic things like cleanliness, to important things like values, i want to teach my daughter myself.. and do not want any feelings for Caste, money and egoism coming near her..
These might feel like big things for my baby now, but what is taught as a child remains forever..
My DH badly wants to be with my daughter, so he doesnt want to think about anything like the above now.. But somehow am not able to convince myself and him on the same.

Please, i require ur valuable advise on this.

Regards,
nimsnik

sanvi5 · Apr 18, 2012

Dear Nimsnik,

Here are some of options for you:

1) Request your mother to take care of your daughter for few more months as she is taking care of your daughter now.

2)If your mother is not available to take care of your daughter is there anyone else whom you can trust other than your In law's like baby sitter's or nanny's. I think you can trust your inlwas more than any outside people give them instruction how you want them to take care of her. Atleast your lucky your inlaws are with you to take care of your daughter. Imagine people leaving kids in day care center they are more prone to infections.

3)If you do not want to leave your baby with inlaws quit your job until you feel confident about leaving your baby at other's care.You can very well find a job later.

4)If you want to work at any cost then you have no option other than leaving your baby with your inlwas and believing she is in safe hands.

jogu07 · Apr 19, 2012

Dear Nimsnik....you need to take a call on this one, as in, if you want to work you got to leave your DD with your inlaws for them to look after and as the previous poster said that it is better to leave her with your ILs than some stranger who you do not know...!!! Also, practically speakin, guess it is too early for your DD to adapt your ILs virtues or family values etc...At the moment you have too many things on your mind so would advice you to take it one at a time....

You can leave your DD with ILs while at work so that your DH is able to spend time with your DD...
Secondly, the conflict is between your DH and FIL so let it be, I am sure it will be resolved soon...
You can very well inbibe your values in your DD once she is old enough to understand things, does she understand independance at this point n time, well no so chill and enjoy motherhood and do not stress yourself thinking about the future...!!!

Think, what is more important to you at this point and make a decision accordingly..!!!

Good luck and God bless...!!!

flowerlady · Apr 19, 2012

Dear OP,
Its crystal clear that you consider your aged inlaws bad caretakers for your baby. Obviously your own Mom/parents would be perfect ! You also feel that your inlaws have done a bad job in your DH's upbringing while you are perfectly brought up, others may think otherwise.
Be greatful that your PIL's have agreed to do babysitting for you forgetting their own aches and pains.
A four month old baby will not get influenced by your FIL's views , relax.
Since you cannot resign and stay at home for financial reasons it would be good to bite the bullet and appreciate your MIL for her efforts.
What do you wish to do, call your Mom over , send PILs away or put baby in a daycare?

AnithAnand · Apr 19, 2012

Dear,

Even i'm having same kind of stuff.. but here it's my mom in law.
She is from ancient era... she has all the caste, creed, egoism, money difference etc etc.
But still i'm leaving my son(1.2 years) with her as i'm going for work.
think in this way..Everybody is having their own pros and cons..
Take the positive stuff from them..
Ofcourse even the negative things will come to ur baby.. but u can correct it when he s commiting the mistake for the first time. nowadays kids are so fast... and they reallly want to explore....
It's too early for ur kid.. so no worries until he started imitating us..
My kid is in the stage of imitating.. He will do whatever his dada, dadi does..
if my fil sneezes, he imitates..
We as a parents, need to teach them the right way...
SO no worries.. Let them take care..
Try to finish ur work as much as soon in the evening.. dont stretch n work in late hours..
try to be with u kid. Out of 3 meals per day, try to feed ur baby atleast once(either morning or night)
U make ur baby to sleep..
Dont ever leave ur baby to sleep with grandparents..
Just dont mind about ur FIL n DH fights or misunderstandings...
Atleast ur DH realized that he is so dependent..
My DH never.. He still loves his mom's pampers and he s dependent on certain things which is highly irritatable..
The kids from this generation--- cant imagine girl.. they never be dependent even if u try to hold them...
So dont worry.. keep chill..
Take care.
Regards
AA.

nimnik · Apr 19, 2012

Thanks all you lovely ladies for ur sharing ur thoughts... I had soo much in mind that, i was not able to judge wat is right & wat is not..i just a friendly advise, which i think has been achieved by posting in IL..
I'm looking for some work from home options so that i can quit going to work...lets see!! and will go back to my in-laws in a month or 2 max..
regards,
Nimsnik