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Would you want to know about your spouse??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by amnice, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. amnice

    amnice Bronze IL'ite

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    This is just a hypothetical situation and please dont get hurt/offended by it.
    My intention is to know what you would want.

    Imagine a situation like the OP of the thread

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/162517-please-tell-me-what-you.html

    In short, the situation is your spouse met some person online/or even at work or somewhere and got emotionally attached for last one year.

    He/She had physical intimacy ONE TIME during this.

    He/She repents for whatever happened and no longer is in contact with that person. You spouse is no more continuing with that person.


    Would you want to know about your spouse's doing during that last one year?

    Please say YES or NO.,.
    You may give your reason too if you wish to.

    Sorry if this thread offends you.
    But before posting your response please fully put yourself in that situation. For a moment, imagine....


    I wanted to have like a poll but dont know how to create a poll.
     
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  2. amnice

    amnice Bronze IL'ite

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    OK I will start.
    My answer would be NO! I dont want to know!!
     
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  3. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, I do want to know.

    Hey, I edited my answer. Just, even to think about it, I needed a cooling period!!!

    but the life will NOT be the same. I will be 'insanely mad'.

    I am very old-fashioned, let me leave it at that.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2012
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  4. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    NO.

    Whatever it is - No. I dont want to know.

    I prefer spouse forgets eveerything, and be normal.

    Good thread. One rule please - no opinion should be criticized or disected - so members are put at at ease to post, even if they held a diff opinion before. its natural opinions change.
     
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  5. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    Hypothetically speaking--YES, I would want to know. If my hubby apologizes with no buts and ifs, without trying to shift any blame on to me or any circumstances, I will try very hard to forgive and strengthen the relationship. I would also like to help him get rid of his guilt. Any kind attempt to justify would definitely jeopardize our relationship. I want to know because, I love my husband and want to be there to help him, when he falls down. He shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Our marriage is strong enough to deal with any mistakes if followed by sincere apologies. There is no doubt, I would be mad like hell at first and would have to struggle to gain control over my temptation for revenge and punishment. But his telling me will make me trust his sincerity and commitment to our marriage.

    If he doesn't tell, I will still know there is something wrong in the relationship but I wouldn't be able to put finger on it, It will frustrate me and will do no good. My husband and I are terrible liars and keepers of secrets. The earlier truth is told the better.
     
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  6. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    Of Course , I want to know, if he had written any ' Will ' :spin
    which benefits her ..... :drowning
     
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  7. pari86

    pari86 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes. I would certainly want to know. Even if the affair has ended. physical intimacy? wow definitely crossed a threshold. if this was hidden, it would better be revealed now than later in life(say before dying). If it was revealed later I would have felt I have been living in the dark and I was shown a fake love and care even if it wasn't. If it is revealed now, I might yell, cry, shout but later understand that he is repenting, he atleast tried to be honest with me. That's what relationships seek. right? else it is not called a marriage.

    If it was premarital, i wouldn't care to know. but here it is committed while already having a long relationship for so many years. in this case, I would definitely want know the truth.
     
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  8. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Honestly, I would NOT WANT to know.
    It happened once and he is not with that woman anymore, then I dont want to know what happened between them that one time.

    I really dont want to know things that he is not comfortable telling me.

    Between husband wife there should not be things that one is not comfortable telling the other.

    I have heard this so many times, via books, movies, elders talk etc etc etc etc.....But finally realised one thing for sure that its a......A very nice statement indeed......but NOT THE REALITY.

    On the contrary, if he comes and tells me, I would first be taken aback but not to the extent of leaving him and proving something like I am better off without him....NO!NEVER!
    All that I know is I LOVE HIM AND WILL LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT!

    I am there for him because no matter what I know I love him more than anything else. His one time mistake will not lose that love for him.

    Life is more than betrayal and revenge!
    I believe in repenting and regretting and forgiving and loving...........GIVING ANOTHER CHANCE IF YOU TRULY LOVE.
     
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  9. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Amnice, I wud want to know. Not for kicks or anything but just for information.It wud devastate me but nevertheless I wud be relieved to know from my spouse rather than an outsider. It has happened to me before where my husband's collegue's wife shooted her mouth off to my husband infront of me about his ex girlfriend. I was hurt becoz my husband never mentioned about her and this woman had to audacity to talk nonsense. Let me clarify that she is a vicious woman who gets happiness seeing everybody miserable and unhappy around her and gloat of her happy life.I was newly married and was still a little shy with his friends.Anyway long story short , its always better to be honest instead of being caught in a lie .
     
  10. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    No I don't want to know. If my spouse has understood that he was wrong and really realized his mistake then bringing up this subject will be making him more guilty.Also if they realize their mistake then he will tell me himself, if not he will not tell anyways.
    By knowing, I will not be able to change the past anyways, so why do I want to know and have a source to generate negative thoughts from.
     

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