Vasthraa's Unwinding Corner

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by vasthraa, Jun 10, 2009.

  1. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Pa WONT LIKE IT.............!

    A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

    "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

    "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

    After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

    "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

    "Under the wagon."

     
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  2. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    MALE...? FEMALE............?

    Q: How does an archeologist tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton?

    A: He knows it's a female skeleton if the jawbone is worn down.
     
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  3. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    LET THERE BE LIGHT............!

    Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?"

    Guy number one replied, " I don.t know.... why don,t ya come on over here?"

    "I don't know.... I don't see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I don't swim to well"

    Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why don't you walk across this here beam off light?"

    Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"
     
  4. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    WHERE, WHEN n HOW..........!?

    A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

    "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
     
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  5. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Bringing up children...!


    A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father
    as to when they could discuss his use of the car.*

    *His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up
    from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
    Then we'll talk about the car."

    The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer,
    and they agreed on it.

    After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up
    and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm
    disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.

    "The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
    noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the
    Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong
    evidence that Jesus had long hair."*

    *
    (You're going to love the Dad's reply!)*







    *
    "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"*
    </pre>
     
  6. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    SAVE 90 DOLLARS...............!

    Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble.

    Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.

    I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.

    Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”

    “Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.

    “Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”

    “How much do you charge?”

    “A hundred dollars per visit.”

    “I’ll think about it.”

    Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.

    “Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.

    “For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”

    “Is that so! How?”

    “He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
     
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  7. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    APPOINTMENT PLEASE...........!


    Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

    “I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.”

    “But I could be dead by then!”

    “No problem.

    If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”
     
  8. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    PARACHUTE DIVING........!

    A skydiver is enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute, he pulls the ripcord, but nothing happens.

    "No problem," he says to himself, "I still have my emergency chute."

    So he pulls the ripcord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens.

    Now the man begins to panic. "What am I going to do?" He thinks. "I'm a goner."

    Just then, he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him.

    He can't figure out where this man is coming from or what he's doing, but he says to himself, "I hope he can help me. If he can't, then I'm in real trouble."

    When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?"

    The man coming up cups his hands and yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
     
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  9. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    TIRED CHESS PLAYER.......!

    What did the tired chess player do?

    He took the knight off
     
  10. vasthraa

    vasthraa Platinum IL'ite

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    A WORD WITH THE BURGLAR........!

    A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. ‘You’ll get your chance in court,’ says the desk sergeant.

    ‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!’
     
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