Married Life - Problems - Who has to be blamed ?

Members consider most of the posts to be a real problem before they reply because people are trying to get different responses which helps them make a decision.For unreal stories no one knows its unreal and may answer them but atleast the for the real stories people are getting some help which is considered gr8.

 

Dear OP,
Most of the ladies post here just to vent out and for some consoling words!

For the rest ask your wife! make sure she doesnt post some blown up things again here..;-)

 

The forum is useful to get different views on the problems faced.

Members are doing a great job in sharing their life experiences and giving emotional support to the OP.

Life is not easy. It is unpredictable. That is why people are seeking help to find a solution to their problems.

By knowing that there are many people like us with problems similar to ours, will bring in some awareness of its own.

Sometimes, we may just want confirmation of our thinking. The inputs given here may atleast give some pointers to the right direction.

May be our perception of things depends on our mindset --JMO.

 

Hi

Maybe ur wife was just venting out all that she had in her mind. If she is the emotional types then she may even remember the tiniest of details which a practical person may never even acknowledge, even things that happened in the past that may have been still lingering on in her mind. For each person, their side of the story is the truth that had happened. Noone except both of u will know actually what happened...n even to both of u..ur side will be the truth...ILites here r total outsiders and can never know what really happened there. ILites just listen to what the OP says and based on our own exp try to give our opinions, which in any way does not mean that we are correct or the OP is correct and the OP's husband is wrong.

If possible do try to sort out the issue with ur wife..why she is feeling this way...Maybe she just needs some emotional support.

 

agreed that there are more women who post on this site but it may be because men dont really like to discuss things and women somehow want to vent out their feelings . and yes some members might not like it but even i feel some ladies make a unnecessary issue out of a minor thing. for them even if their husband sends money to his parents or calls them regularly might be a BIG issue and they want to discuss it but i feel there are some really good members who have experienced life and give good advice and dont encourage negative feelings .
so men can also post their views !!!!!
may be what u think as a minor tiff would be a big issue for ur wife , we neither know the whole thing nor we know who is cooking up stories , no offence to u .
but if something has hurt you about ur wife's behavior then its better u discuss it with her, why wash ur dirty linen in public ?

 

Dear LifeIsNotEasy,

Yes, Life Is NOT Easy. Often , it is not easy because individuals fail to communicate effectively. Differences are natural and can only be dealt with if each person gives his/her 100% to the process of searching for common ground.

Who gets to decide if an issue should be big or not? And if, in one person's view, some issue is small, then does it mean that everyone else should be forced to accept it as small? If one is committed to one's partner, can one afford to say an issue is small if the partner feels it is big?

Typically, it is the woman who finds it easier to verbalize and the men do not. But this is not a rule etched in stone. But because of this one trait, when a 'tiff' occurs, men typically go silent or end the argument by using certain words to abruptly terminate it. Again, this is not an irrefutable generalization. But these are very common occurrences that have lead to the creation of these stereotypical generalizations.

Unfortunately, and this is corroborated by many people who have faced such issues, it is the man who always dismisses the woman's point of view as small or unimportant. It is the man who is more likely to say "Why are you making such a big issue of....". Again, is it one person's right to decide about how big an issue is?

In your case (and in many other cases including mine!), the 'tiff' could be on an issue that is small from your point of view but big in your wife's OR it could be the other way round too. What you feel at the end of it would depend on how 'big' it feels to you and how your wife reacts would depend on how big it feels to her....

Not having read your wife's post (I don't know which post is by her...) and based on just your post, I'd like to offer you a suggestion. (Please note - like all other 'helpers' here I too only give a suggestion). Before you go back and discuss this with your wife, just for a moment, assume that this is not a 'small' tiff. Assume that whatever happened IS rightfully a big thing for her. And with that assumption, try and work out what exactly is big for her in this one instance. I call this "Trying to prove the other person right" strategy! It Really Works! You end up with a totally new perspective of the situation and much better equipped to resolve it!

Just maybe, you could discover what made her feel the need to vent out here....just maybe, it really is a big issue...... just maybe, you could discover that you were not really as open minded during this entire episode as you thought.... just maybe, you did deliberately terminated the argument without trying to understand her POV.... just maybe, the same things have happened before....... . And equally, just maybe, you could discover that you were right all along..... But unless you try this sincerely you can never be sure .......


Too often, a casual or thoughtless comment during a tiff or even at some other time (may be related to the issue on hand or may be not) hurts one of the persons involved. Once this happens, the person who has been hurt is left trying to deal with this new dimension while the other blithely goes on without a clue......... So now the differences have multiplied..... grown bigger....and one of them is clueless!

All the Best!