rejections in bride seeing...

My elder sister was good looking, a degree holder but still she was rejected twice by the so called educated young men or his parents, I was in college during those days and we sisters use to discuss as soon as the "bride seeing drama" was over.
First guy was from a affluent and rich family, they had their own leather factory, their relatives were simply boasting about their status hardly noticing my sister, the guy was were heafty but handsome, my sis liked him and he liked her too, but it did'nt materialize coz they demanded heavy dowry-- rich people..
Second guy was a Bank officer and had lost both his parents , he came to c my sis along with his brothers and sisters family, both of them liked each other because they seemed a perfect pair, they even spoke of the engagement date and went back promising to call and fix the date, but alas no call came from them, after nearly 15 days a common freind is telling us that his sister didnt like the proposal, reason: GOD knows.
By then my sister was so dejected she kept asking us " Is she that bad looking and worthless" I know how she should have felt. My mom kept worrying because she was the eldest of us three and she imagining the plight of us later.
Finaly the third(now my BIL) came to her, he is got his own electronics show room, he saw her , liked her and within 3 months they got married, touch wood they are happily married now with 2 kids.
But I still cannot forget how the other two guys rejectd her, I still can remember their faces.

 

Hello... i just had to post something here... ohhh the pains of boy seeing!!
he..he... know if you think back you are like it was all fun... but at that time it was a real pain!!
i had a bad experiance.. why?? because i was a tamilian staying in maharashtra in a place with very few boys of our caste.. which is an important factor in most arranged marriages.. so then my parents would call many people in madras but i was rejected even without see a snap of mine... why?? for 2 reasons one i was not in madras where they could come see me.. for which my parents would tell that we'l come and visit them but the main thing which brings me to the 2nd reason that was i was not in the science or engg feild!!! well i was a BCom grad. MCom grad, a Chartered Accountant, and had an MBA in finance!!! but NO they all wanted an IT bahu!!! dont know how that mattered so much till today i have no answer??:bonk
Honestly was on the verge of my nerves... why?? because no one was coming to see me!!! i know it sounds bad.. but this was only after 2 yrs that my parents had started searching... so by then even i wanted to settle down na...
so finally i come to the interesting part of the 'boy seeing' part.
The first one... first the parents flew down... so they were welloff... and came to see me... they were happy.. i showed them my certificates they spoke politely to my parents and all..were impresed with our house and family history... then when the boy came to india we arranged a meeting in chennai.. i wasnt that impressed with the boy..but you know if you say no then your parents will argue with you only so i kept quite.. and so my parents said even we were ok.. they were more then ready the guy said yes one that day only.. and they started asking my dad what they were going to do for me and all!! Then the boy went back to US..till then we hadnt been engaged or anything.. then for a few days there was no call from them so my mom just called them casually to say hi, and his mom answers the phone and says,'we dont want to proceed.. we were confused so we dont want to proceed' !! that was a shock.. on further asking she started saying the I was fat!!( guess they didnt notice that when they flew to my place!!) anyways then they said that the boy doesnt come to india for a year or so...
Anyways... i was really glad apart from the rejection there was no other hurt... i was waiting for someone else anyways....
so then we come to the 2nd boy... this one was kind off related to our family so for my parents the background check was fine and all.. i had chatted with him previously and he seemed good..so we met up in chennai and met his family... and were told that they will contact us.
then as we were in chennai my parents arranged for another 2 boys family for a meeting out of that one boys parents were totally crazy.. they boombarded me with qs abt my family what does your father do?? do you'l own the house?? how many bros and sis your father have?? i told my mom after that i wasnt interested and scared all the more:hide:...
then after a few weeks we got a call from the 2nd boy... and soon were married.. are are living happily ever..ever...after story!!!
nd i just came to know that my DH had actually tried to contact on a matrimony site.. but we hadnt responded as we didnt know abt him!! this was like a year before we actually met.. really belive in the saying 'Gods match for you'bowdown

sorry for writing such a long post... but i started to type and i went on!!
so if anyone is still in the process of 'boy seeing' just hang on... ur mr right is there... just some patience... my parents were searching for nearly 3 yrs... never give up!!
and beware of people who say yes first and then make up some silly reason!!

 

blessed, let go the feeling i was seen by many and rejected. it hurts but once we have good life partner we feel good that we didnot get married to other guys before time has to come.

shall i tell you one heights. we had one relative who saw 100+ girls and guess what they celebrated when they saw 25th, 50th,70th and 100th girl. may be all they wanted was to go and eat those snacks thats all i feel. dumb people dont waste time in thinking about such guys or families. chill.

 

Nice topic. I had a crush on a guy who worked with me in the same place. I hoped he would return the crush.One day I picked up the phone and heard the sweet voice of his girlfriend. He was never telling me anything about her. All my hopes were dashed.


Looking back, I think he was a jerk.

 

The first guy (I saw) - We liked each other but after a month of research found that he was lying so rejected him

The second guy - same thing - after talking for 2 hrs starting showing all his H1B papers and said he was being honest (I dont know what prompted him to say that)

The third guy - sounded nice - but his parents didnt approve

DH then sends me a profile from some matrimonial site. I deleted as soon as I saw it(because I didnt believe in internet match)

2.5 years down, a proposal comes through paper ad (by this time I had given up hope about finding anyone). I decided to talk to him. We talked and agreed to send pictures. After seeing my picture he said - " you had rejected me 2 years back" - I had no idea what he was talking about. And I didnt think it would work. But we did get married. Somedays I could kill him, but then I think it was really fate that brought us together. So we are destined to kill each other - I mean stay married

 

1 guy was ready to move in with us but wanted dowry in cash to pay his parents, I was not interested and parents did not have cash.
2. Parents and son well educated, financially well off but I had work and live with them, with my attitude it would not have worked, rejected
3. Guy in US even though not as educated as me and obese, he was in US, did not have to live with inlaws therefore agreed but he rejected, never heard from them
3. Guy was employed in USA on H1 visa, parents especially mother was very dominant, made me Change to a saree and had to do cat walk, they accepted but I called his sister in US and blasted her mother left and right, relatives were mad at me for my arrogance. Psychologically I was scarred even now several years later when I see any women's inlaws Visiting from India, I ignore and hate them even though I don't know any thing about them.
5 parent filthy rich, son In US had 5 girls lined up, he was very good-looking they rejected me.
4.I was getting old, DH relatives, 10 of them came to see me, agreed to this proposal, MIl passed several years before marriage, my mother was not interested, I doubt if she ever wanted me to get married. I just wanted to get married, even though he was a student without job in an alien country, and move to US to continue further studies.

 

I didnt see many guys,as I filtered everyone by their looks and education.So really I saw just 1 person before I saw my husband

This guy was very good looking,smart,sounded nice. The best part I liked in him was that he said my parents could come and stay with us forever,provided I dont have a problem if his parents come (they would shuttle between the 2 sons' homes). What more can I ask if a person says my parents can stay for anytime they want!!? I was floored by him and I felt a connection. The next day his mom came to see me as she hadnt come the day before.
They said they would respond once they go back..but we didnt receive any message. Then,the father wrote to mine that his wife lost her visa or something like that and they would need a month to sort out their problems (now I think they probably didnt want to say no..and yet see if they can get someone better).We waited for a month and then my father wrote to them twice probably..No response.
I liked him,so I messaged his father after more than a month asking him what the reason was for his non-responsive behavior and if I did any mistake?
Immediately,his father emailed my father saying he was interested.
I was a bit taken back. If there was no reason,why did they make us wait? I thought it was an insult to my father,that they didnt respond to his emails.
My father left the decision on me.I asked my dad to not respond to their email. Revenge taken!

The next person was my husband. I just spoke to him on the phone. Tried to know him better via emails. I wasnt very impressed. Not that he wasnt good...just that he didnt look like an outgoing/funny person which I wanted. Anyway,I thought i should know him more and started conversing through emails. 5-6 emails later,I didnt know how to say no. I thought it would be rude.His father came to see me.I was so very impressed with his father...very warm person. His father was the icebreaker for me,believe it or not!

And my impressions are still true. My FIL is a gem of a person..good hearted,funny.I just love him. My husband is a great guy...not as fun loving or funny I might have wanted...yet we have our own kinda fun. He is a very caring person,does the dishes,never buys anything without asking me..even if he wants something,he asks me if he can!!(I'm not earning yet,btw)
I am lucky to be part of this family,touchwood!

 

Mine is a middle aged man story. I started partner search only couple of months back. All these years i was not interested in marriage and only after sister's marriage recently i changed my decision.

Since mine is a late marriage (early 40s) and have a career break, i expected some tough times ahead.

1. One alliance from a nearby my native place came. Girl is software professional in an MNC, early thirties. Her elder brother came to my house and talked --all general things --education, family, career etc., and went. No response. All these things are already known to them through middle man. Then what held them back is not clear. After few days of excitement, i am not having any lingering feelings though it would have been better.

2. One alliance was not even materialised into an initial meeting. The girl brother told the relative that, will be considered after getting job. Fair enough, each one has their own preferences. Here is a lesson for me.

3. Another one came through matrimonial site. Girl sent photos later in mail and mother called up over phone and told that girl's brother is outstation presently will contact later. No respose later.

So, the search is still on.

 

Good thread...

I initially get rejected in photo stage because I'm bit dark and heavy

1)First came , saw me & said he is scared because I'm more educated than him. I think that's because he didn't want say no directly

2)Second guy i rejected because he didn't want to talk with me privately during bride seeing and wanted to go ahead with the allaince. I wanted to speak to him, he didn't want to do even over phone.

3)This guy rejected me because i was wearing spectacles

4)Fourth one was my soon to be ex.

Now I have started the allaince search again. I was supposed to meet a particular guy in coffee shop last sunday. He messaged few hours before the destined time of meeting that he is busy we can meet some other time. So far no message or call from him!!

This is how it goes.....

 

Lol.. i thot i was the only victim of this 'girl-boy seeing ceremony'...

My parents had started searching a guy for me from the time I joined college. Coming from a moderatedly traditional family, matching of horoscopes was a must and me having a papa jadakam; it made things difficult for my parents; along with the NRI bride tag.

In my college days, my photos were circulated around to families and was rejected on the basis of bride being short or being wheatish (We malayalis are known for our darker tone of skin color, but apparently everyone needs a fair bride)

Soon after college, my first placement was in Hungary; which turned out to be a black mark on my matrimonial resume! The ques asked was, a malayali girl living away from home and working in Europe; what will her character be like? But a boy working in Europe or elsewhere is highly preferred!

Life and work got me back to Abu dhabi (where parents and home is). But that tag of being in Europe stayed with me.

As i continued with my life, at different stages:

Boy 1- Proposes marriage to me and approaches my father. Promises to go to any extent to marry me; his mother speaks to my mother and finds out how much 'am I Worth' and calls off the alliance stating- I am too short (5'0) for her 5'6 son

Boy 2- Comes through a popular wedding website; his folks fly down to see me. All impressed and wants an immediate wedding. A week late, the boy rings me up on my cell and ques-1 "Are you a virgin?" Choosing to forget that incident and to avoid his constant flirting; here falls the bomb again. The boy is in a live in relation in Australia and has been a part in a famous sex scandal in Kerala (thanks to my cousin who digged his past)

Boy 3- Seemed confused all along, but lovely parents. After 3-4 months of 'trying to get know each other', when he sensed that i will say an yes to him and that his parents are keen on us getting married; he confesses of his different orientation being different.

In between people would drop home, check me head to toe, have tea and snacks and go back to call back saying that the need a girl who is a graduate (I am an MS, planning on a MBA), they want a fair girl (I am wheatish), they want a taller girl (I am 5 foot) and the reasons were many (which included my European tag, driving around the city and to work made me sound like an independant girl etc)..

When I had enough of the entire thing, and had decided to move on further with my career and life. My plans were to go ahead and do another Masters and even look for a change in company. I was happy with my decision and was feeling more alive

But suddenly on one weekend, this guy and his family walks home. and for a change, the guy was more interested in knowing me, my life, my likes, my dreams and everything about me. and his mother was more interested in her son's choice. It took us 3 hours that day to say a yes to each other and n another 53 days to get married.

Now when i look back at the torture that i had been through all those years, I feel blessed- seeing so many boys; I knew what I wanted and could easily choose the right one from the wrong lot