Complicated triangle of my mother in law husband and me-help

anna1987 · Mar 5, 2012

I felt my mother in law was possessive type right from the first meeting when than my boyfriend introduced me to his mom. However I tried to always take with a pinch of salt realizing that my husband is her only son and she lost her husband several years ago.
Since our first meeting and later I realized my mother in law was not fun of me and later it actually was clear she disliked me badly. I guess major reason was also of my not being Indian .
She was not against her son marring a foreigner but I guess the true feelings appeared after it was "agreed".- 2 years knowing I am her future daughter in law and last one month already wife.
I do not really know the reason of her negative attitude: if she comments than definitely negative- I do not look nice in this, I do stg wrong, I clean 100 times, I give more attention to her son than her when she is visiting, I mention my family pretty often in the conversation, without make up on my eyes I do not look good( however I do not do eye make up and she says it when I actually look very nice).She keeps mentioned in my husband's presence how good wife she was to her husband especially if we have any argument with my husband and she always supports my husband telling how right my husband is. Sometimes I feel even my husband gets under her influence. If we go out for any activity and my husband ask what I would lik want to do I should say I am fine with everything. If I express my opinion its being demanding-even when it comes to food.
When people comment on my being beautiful later(which unfortunately happens often) in the house later I am usually mentioned for my bad quality of stg that " I should improve".
The majority of my hard time happneed during 3 months she visited in the country we reside( the first time I stayed with her and my husband for so long an in the position of daughter in law) . I do not know how I am going to deal with her in the future-please help me.

billybob · Mar 8, 2012

Well ignore or become a good actress, follow your routine when she visits you, most Indian MILs behave similar to your MIL. Once she realizes that you are not paying attention she will stop saying such stuff. For a typical indian MIL her son is a prince and none of the girls in this world are good enough for him. I would be very scared and unhappy if my DD married someone born and brought up in India, where in- laws come and live for extended visits.

teacher · Mar 8, 2012

I would suggest you talk to your husband...and set the boundaries for when your MIL comes to visit. You may not be able to change her possessive nature but you can definitely explain what your expectations are...in terms of comments, suggestions.

You and your husband have to work on this first...then he can approach his mother-especially because of the single parent element...

Good luck.

anonymus · Jul 28, 2012

Hi, I just know your post in a little old but I just saw it. I have identical issues as I'm from here but I'm married to an indian man. We love each other and have a great relationship other than when his mother makes an opionion or talks to him... which unfortunately is every day. He even puts hre before than our own kids. If you saw him you would think he's a super smart, independent guy but he's not, he's extremely mom dependant and childish... I've been dealing with this for 6 years... I am very outspoken and whatever she says I try to show her how wrong she is and WOWSWWWWW how do you DARE talk to my mom like that? you know... those bitches believe they are queens and unfortunately that's what they put inside their sons' heads and then they are dominated for the rest of their lives. She even sent me an email plenty of crazy and ridiculous insults where she also said that she "has rights" on her son because I only married him but did not buy him hahahahahah, can you believe that? that woman really thinks she can make decisions for her son even when he's an adult, pure crap... the best advise I can give you is IGNORE IT, I know it's hard, TRUST ME, I have not been able yet after so long... but if you ignore it and make your husband believe that you agree with her, you'll end up doing whatever you want, just be as fake with her as what she is with you... she even stole from me and my dauther, all the jewelry she gave me when we got married she took it back now because she said "I dont' deserve it"... that's how ignorant she is. After we had our first baby, she told... yes, didn't advise but TOLD (practically ordered) my husband to divorce me and abandon our baby because that "was needed" in order to get rid of me... that's how big of a monster she is. And the worst part of this is that he justifies her, he says that she told him that because she "saw him suffering" hahaha, right, I'm such a bitch. So if you really wanna try a life with your husband you'll need to do things in the bad way, through the back, you know what I mean? just say yes yes and do whatever you want... cry and make a victim and the MOST important thing: HAVE your father in law on your side, make him love you and whenever she or your husband do something wrong call him and tell him, accuse them in front of him as you were a little kid, that's how they do things, either play their game or get out of it. I've been trying to fight for our happiness for way too long already, I think I'm ready to get divorced because this has been so harmful, she literally ruined our relationship, our love, our sexual life, evreything, I'm an idiot cause I still believe in my husband adn trust that he'll change but nothing can change that ridiculous obsession, I'm sorry for what you are going through, hope this helps...