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A new mom's problem...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rakhii, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Ladies, recently I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. DH and I adore her and she has become our centre of the world. Needless to say that it's causing issues. I mean, at 10 weeks DD needs to be the centre of my world. But DH seems to be competing for attention at the same time. When I am feeding her, he wants to touch me etc. I told him several times that I am not liking any kind of distractions during nursing but he just doesn't seem to get it. Lack of sleep (its improved the last couple of weeks) lack of proper (verbal) appreciation is making me loose my mind.

    I am tying to give attention to him in other areas like cooking his favorite dishes etc but that doesn't seem to help. How do I deal with a grown up baby (for the lack of better word)?

    Please give me tips to cope with family life, yet, not compromising care on baby. Please...Is he looking for sex? Not able to go for it as often as we would like to; obviously because of baby.
     
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  2. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    try showing him affection through words and also get him to help with the baby's routines. I guess some men do feel that they are not physically/emotionally close to their wives because of the full attention new moms give to their babies. So, include and involve him all the activities so he can feel he is still a top priority :) Make him feel that family is not complete without him.
     
  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    This is exactly what I want to convey "to assure him that the family is incomplete without him". But how do I accomplish this? I told this to him specifically several times but I guess it's not enough for him. I need to show him this action... But how?
    He is involved in baby activities like changing her diaper, giving a massage to her, sterilizing her bottles etc.

    I went and got my hair done so that I don't look like a slop etc. what else can I do to assure him the place I have for him in my heart?
    Maybe seeing me nurse is a turn on for him but it's so weird!! Almost ewwwww
     
  4. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    How about telling him firmly NO? Tell him you don't like it when he does it at that point of time. Is it very hard to say that? You dont have to tell him its gross but you can tell a big NO.
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I did say a firm NO several times and more recently just this morning. He yelled at me saying that I don't like his tOuch anymore etc. he told me he would never touch me again and walked out. Been 12 hours and no talking.

    I tried... He is just not listening. When I go to the room he is in, he is just leaving the room.
     
  6. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell him clearly that you only have problem with his timing not with anything else. Why dont you and your husband read the "What to expect in the first year?". Order a book and keep it handy. There are all kinds of husbands, some are turned on and some find their wives unattractive after they become mothers. Try to talk to him clearly when baby is sleeping and when there is alone time :)
     
  7. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Ya, will Try again. It's nOt like there is anything else left to do Nyway. I do have the book. He seems to get it, but yet...this is difficult. Getting a head ache :(
     
  8. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I would worry if it was other way around (i.e lack of interest). I know it can be annoying but it's not that bad. Tell him off teasingly and when you do get time (when the baby is sleeping, etc) try to get the love life back on track. You are lucky to get a guy who can't keep his hands off you :lol:
     
  9. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Sally you do have a point!! Lol... If it were other way round, situation would sure have been worst.

    Seriously though, do guys really want attention or we are assuming it?
     
  10. niyathi123

    niyathi123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Even I feel you are lucky .. dont get me wrong..:) i would love this kind of attention once i delivery i m in my 5th month now. Try telling him in a sarcastic way that his turn will be next once you are done with you new born might and she is sleeping,, assure him that and he might keep quite while you are nursing. Enjoy the attention you are getting. Sorry if i could not be of much help.
     

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