How to forget husband infedility?

Hi Anju
First of all if you dont trust your husband anymore try to move away from him and try to be uncontable with him. If you have a child then it is a big decision i guess you dont have a child so lucky for you ... indulge yourself with friends companionship ... and avoid to think abt him .remove his picture and memories in any form from ur house ... these are the questions you need to ask yourself whenever your husband thoughts haunt you :-
1. Do i deserve to be beaten for his mistake
2. Do i need to waste my youthness for this cheat
3. can i forgive him ? Iam a saint
4. Will he spare if i done to him

if you answer all these question yes then you can happily live with him else you need to think twice

 

both of you go for counselling and talk bout all your botherations about your h.then decide the further course of action in your life.

 

Hi Anju,

There are many men who are forgetting past affairs and moving on with new wifes or new girl friends.. Most men move on easily..

How do you say that he is still in touch with his lover or y do u think he has called u.. does he have any family issues like a sis or bro for getting married..does his girl friend dumped him? check the actual reason why he has called u ..ask yourself
What is that triggered him to beat you?
If u feel ok you can ask him to relocate to a different place from his lover..If he really loves u then he will come back.. if not he will leave you forever..
Think well before leaving him..

 

Anju,

There are many things i find disturbing about your post. I think the first is that he has 'beaten' you. I still can't understand how any man could hit another women. I find it horrible! Your husband cheated on you and should not be making any excuses. I am not sure if your husband knows what it means to have a wife, or be a husband. Shame on him. Keep focusing on your career...

It is hard being alone, but being in a bad relationship is worse!

 

Hi Anju.

Your present memories of him----you miss being with him and still love him??
or you remember only his abusive and infidelity and feel hurt??

 

Dear Anju,
Hugs to you, you did the correct thing by moving out of a sordid situation. You have written that there was both DV and infidelity in your marriage.
Your DHs dream of seeing you in a bad situation is scary. Keep away from him. He is trying to show false concern.
Maybe he feels that you will take the next step about a divorce, alimony etc thats why he is talking to you. Ignore him.
Dont get emotional, your H know that even a crumb of affection can melt your heart. But please dont think of going back to an abusive situation because he has not changed.
Your H will continue his affairs ,you will question him and there will be DV again. Its a vicious circle .
Good you walked out , but this has had no effect on your H.
If you go back to him be prepared for same behaviour from him.
One cannot live with a spouse having EMAs , its very stressful .
He has to stop all his EMAs , get tested for STDs before you even think of a reconciliation.
You have already made a life for yourself and are financially independent , dont look back. After some time you will stop having any affection for your cheater, abusive H.

 

Yeah pls have him tested for stds. It's very important. Also if you do consider going back to him, please give him few tight slaps before forgiving him!

 

Dear Anju, hugs to you!

Anju, abuser hardly ever change. And although i dont know your husband, it seems he has some very agressive behavior. Beating you up, because he his loosing control over the situation, over you, over his affair, is a means to keep the upper hand in your relationship and not face the consequences of what HE is doing. Very good that you moved out, surely showed him that he cant go on with his behavior.

However, this dream he has been having? Does it mean he is sorry, for what he did to you? Is he repending? Or hid he cleaning gis consience?

 

Anju dear,

One big hug to you. Its not easy living with a person you don't trust enough. And he too seems to have NOT given you enough reason to build the trust.
I am a little confused here:
Are you still with him? I mean living with him or are you temporarily or permanently separated?
And how do you know if he is still continuing his debaucheries?
Also have you been physically abused repeatedly?

Him taking out his anger on you that way is unacceptable. It can't be just set aside and ignored even if it was just the one instance. And as for the trust in him, you'll have to make it clear that he has to earn it after what he has done. He will have to take responsibility and make changes before he expects you to forgive and forget.

If you are over all this and are looking to forget the past and take control of the situation in order to move ahead, its all in your own ability to do so dear. It might be difficult but if you still believe in the marriage, you'll have to give it a try again. You could talk to someone and hope to get a clearer picture of the real situation at hand. Counselling could help.

If you are not sure about your husband still, you definitely need to get things out in the open and both of you have to come to terms with the future of your marriage. You could choose to opt out to save both of you any more pain, especially you. Let him worry about how he plans to deal with his life if you plan to separate. His sudden worries about you may or may not be genuine. But try the counselling to see how genuine or not it is.

Wanting to move on and yet living in the pain from the past won't really work for anyone. I learnt that from my own experience and once you decide to move ahead, there should be no more looking back. Difficult to implement, but not at all impossible.