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irritating behavior of hubby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by riyagan, Jan 20, 2012.

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  1. Jan 20, 2012 #1
    riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    well, its an issue from the time i got married. my hubby is religious and very pious. he worship all the Gods except lord Muruga which is our family (inlaws) diety. am pious to lord Muruga since my childhood and continue workshipin along with other gods. It worries me a lot when he speak hatefully about his family diety... and its irritating to the hell that my MIL made him to show hatredness for a particular diety. its very immature and childish.. even when i entered this family my Fil said that murugan is our family diety pray him and he will bless u with all happiness.. atonce my MIl called me in a room and asked me never to worship murugan...she said that she worshiped murgan and her whole life spoiled. she talked like this to me on my first day of marriage. imagine that how many years she would hav abused to infest my hubby's mind to speak with disrespect of a particular god! whenever i ask him to come to murgan temple not only he refuses he talks disrespectfully of the temple and god. i know immature to the core.. sick to even think of that.. i respect ppl who even says that god is not there...but this is irritating to the core..dont know what to do other than just ignore. and its painful that he even doesnt consider me and just visit the temple for me..
     
    riyagan, Jan 20, 2012
    riyagan, Jan 20, 2012
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  2. Jan 20, 2012 #2
    sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    Your relationship with God is only between you and God. You cannot force people, including your husband and children, with regard to religious beliefs. As long as your husband does not do anything that interferes with your going to the temple, praying at home etc., you are good I would say. Just let him be. You do what your heart says.
     
    sheztheone, Jan 20, 2012
    sheztheone, Jan 20, 2012
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  3. Jan 20, 2012 #3
    DivzIyer

    DivzIyer Senior IL'ite

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    I agree....In this matter it is "to each its own"
    As long as u are free to worship the way you want, I thk you should just leave it.
    You cant force someone to follow somethg same as they cant force you not to follow.
     
    DivzIyer, Jan 20, 2012
    DivzIyer, Jan 20, 2012
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  4. Jan 21, 2012 #4
    riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    ive gone all stages in my lifee from being devotional to being agnostic and atheist.. marriage transformed me into being pious again and am very independent in thinking..according to my own perception and analization im here at this stage without external influence. i cant understand that why one has to turn hysterical and hateful about one form of god when he actually being pious. an atheist is mature when he talks even an agnostic..but this case is something inbtwn which i dont get.. ofcourse i hav no other choice than ignoring...i dont belive in forcing ppl too.. so far ive asked him two times to come to the particular temple in this two years... not every day or every week or every month.. its not about me forcing him girls.. its about something my MIL did to him since his childhood
     
    riyagan, Jan 21, 2012
    riyagan, Jan 21, 2012
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  5. Jan 21, 2012 #5
    Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    It is your mother-in-law in order to either settle score with her husband or her parents in law, has created a monstrous son who has been meticulously trained to talk against a particular deity. That is her way of getting back to her husband or his parents. Old habits die hard and even though, he is no longer an instrument in the hands of your MIL, he still continues his trained behavior. Even if he does not worship a particular deity, it is okay and you do not have to worry about it. But if he talks against the deity that his own family worships, it creates a conflict. Therefore, my humble suggestion is to tell him various good things that had happened in life for someone who worshiped Lord Murugan regularly. You also share your own experience of your visits to Murugan temple. Slowly, his mind would change. What his mother did is incorrect and it needs to be fixed. It is not as much as what you like him to do but it is the mental block that was created harmfully in his mind that needs to be removed.

    Viswa
     
    Viswamitra, Jan 21, 2012
    Viswamitra, Jan 21, 2012
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  6. Jan 21, 2012 #6
    riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    thanks for the kind post viswamitra, rightly said about my mil.. i just dont know how am gonna ever talk about it..even if i start one word about it he says he is not interested...if i start insisting then it bursts into a big fight and he wont talk to me for the whole day. he worships lord vishnu and regularly visits Tirupathi. even in the puja room he keep more flowers to vishnu portrait and little to murugan. He is immature like a kid in this aspect but not easily influenced as a kid..so i choose to ignore this for my peace of mind. i took a pledge that i will not bring up my child like this. i hope whatever conflict that goes to my mil and her family..cos i aint do this.
     
    riyagan, Jan 21, 2012
    riyagan, Jan 21, 2012
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  7. Jan 21, 2012 #7
    tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,

    Dont keep thinking on this matter much. It is his own wish to workship a particular god. If he doesnt accompany you to Murugan temple what is that is going to be lost ? Even my Dh doesnt come to temples when I long to go with him. Its not that he hates, he says he is not able to concentrate and what is the use of simple going and standing in front of God and acting like praying.

    And so I dont force him. I just go on my own and pray for him too.

    May be one day God might change him and he might accompany me to my favourite God's temple. So I call him only on anniversary/birthdays. He ll say ok but somehow doesnt come. I have just let it go.
    Anyway its not going to affect our life in any way. Just ignore.

    Its always important to foster peace in a family than just giving much thought about some unimportant matters.
    You can always pray to your favourite diety in your mind too. God definitely knows each and everyone's situation. Also you can go to Lord Murugan;s temples alone.

    And try to change his mind by giving examples like what Viswamitra said. This might work out in the long run.
    Tell him that we are ordinary people but like Vishnu, Lord Murugan is also someone with more powers than us. So ask him not to talk rubbish about any diety.

    If not your MIL, atleast he can follow your words.

    I am sorry if I am wrong.

    Regards....
     
    tinku, Jan 21, 2012
    tinku, Jan 21, 2012
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  8. Jan 22, 2012 #8
    riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    Its always important to foster peace in a family than just giving much thought about some unimportant matters.
    You can always pray to your favourite diety in your mind too. God definitely knows each and everyone's situation. Also you can go to Lord Murugan;s temples alone.
    ______________________________________________________
    i completely agree with this point tinku..thanks for the kind words...i already feel lil relaxed about it readin all the posts.
     
    riyagan, Jan 22, 2012
    riyagan, Jan 22, 2012
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  9. Jan 22, 2012 #9
    riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    well, not exactly.. i am just amazed that men can be influenzed even in the smallest of the things to life changing things by their mommies...its more of a gender analization...whats with mother and son in the whole wide world. i never even dreamt that i wud caught with these situations in my life...but marriage had taught me a lot.. a girl can not be influenced by any person inside the family or outside in her career, religion, or even the dress she picks...she is broadminded and more independent.. am not talking about exceptions here.

    secondly i believe that its bad for the family to not worship family deity.. so yes i want him to listen to me as am his wife, as i tell this only for the good not for the bad
     
    riyagan, Jan 22, 2012
    riyagan, Jan 22, 2012
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  10. Jan 23, 2012 #10
    harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Riyagan,

    Whether it is for his good or bad, is for your DH to decide, and for now, he has decided that his mother was right and you are wrong, so please stop nagging him to change his mind about his family diety!!!

    Does he abuse Lord Murugan
    1) without any context or
    2) does he abuse Him when you worship/listen to some songs about him or
    3) when you persuade him to visit His temple or
    4) when you argue with him to change his mind ??

    If it is the first two, then you have to let him know that you have the right to have your beliefs and you'll not listen to any abuse (also, if/when you have kids, he should not abuse any God in front of kids!!)

    If it is the last two only, then you should not interfere, you carry on with your beliefs, dont expect him to accompany you to the temple, dont unnecessarily START any discussions, you'll have hundred other things to talk about... leave this alone... he'll come around when and if the time comes!!!

    If I visit a temple without my DH/son, I always say a prayer on their behalf first, then apply kumkum/do the pradakshinas on their behalf and then do all of it again on my behalf :).. God is everywhere, not just in temples!!!

    And Lord Murugan will forgive your DH for it all, if you are sincere in your own prayer, I'm sure the Lord is not egoistic or revengeful about this so dont worry about him not attending your temples!!!

    Harini
     
    harinisripada, Jan 23, 2012
    harinisripada, Jan 23, 2012
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