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Help me understand this behavior

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pacer, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. pacer

    pacer New IL'ite

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    My husband and I are in very stable well to do jobs. He has been moving up with a good speed. His last job is getting little mundane for him. Mine has been mundane too but overall things are working well. Have 2 kids, good school. good reliable childcare. good house. good friend circle.

    My DH without really consulting with me applied for a job outside of the city we live, closer to his family. He got a offer too and he kept pressurizing me to move out of this place. We debated back and forth and he assured me if he turned the offer down, it wont impact our married life. He will have no anger towards me. I was in 2 minds to move or not to move. I was also not very thrilled about living next door to his brother/sister. So collectively we decided to refuse the offer. Now since 2 days he has a big face, not talking to me properly and indirectly taunting that i control his actions. I never signed up for this. He always assured that my happiness was more important and that he will have no resentment if i didnt want to move.
    What can i do now ? the offer is gone, and so has my desire to stay in this city. I think it would have been better to let him have what we wanted.
     
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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey just chill..i see things are fine ..after some days he will come to normalcy..hez with u else he would hav taken tht offer and left u
     
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  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    what's done is done. Ignore his taunting. Don't react to the taunts.
     
  4. hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    He will be back to normal very soon.Keep quiet for few days.Don't worry.
     
  5. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Agree to all..he will take time but get back to normal..You took the right decision..Hmmm maybe you can call his brothers/sisters for a small visit to cheer him up...You see...he should not feel that you dislike them...
     
  6. inlovewithmylyf

    inlovewithmylyf Platinum IL'ite

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    He got a good offer n he could not take it up... N inside his heart may be he is a bit upset with u tht u did not co-operate with him...thts why he is upset n not talking to u n having a long face... It will definitely be there for few days... Now it's ur turn to adjust with him n tell him something convincingly... He will get back to normal once he forgets that... It's quiet natural for anyone to be like that... Give him sometime... Do not worry about it n strain urself... Tc...
     
  7. winpie

    winpie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Pacer,

    It often happens in life that when we insist on having our way, it backfires on us and we think maybe, the other option would have been better. Please look at the words you wrote "He always assured that my happiness was more important" .....

    Whenever a person says this, there is also an expectation that the other person will do the same. Think about it - if you were to say this to your husband, wouldn't you, in you heart of hearts, wish that he would also do the same for you? You would mean it when you say it, and in most circumstances, follow it through too - you would put his happiness first - right? In spite of this, there would be some situation where you would think it justifiable that your own needs come first?

    This situation is the same. In most circumstances, it is quite possible that he does value your happiness the most but this could have been one of those situations where he'd have liked you to do the same. In this case you did not - you insisted on having your way.

    For him it must have been a great disappointment when you refused to support him even though you admit both your jobs were becoming mundane..... just because (1) he did not consult you and (2) because it was closer to his family. What if you had the opportunity to be closer to your siblings and he refused to cooperate? Wouldn't you be disappointed and carry the same big face around?

    Women's equality has in recent times tended towards woman's superiority. In trying to make sure we get our rights, we have forgotten the real meaning of equality. I have read some posts here where if a husband puts his own needs just once, the woman declares herself as miserable.

    What is done is over- the offer no longer exists but the repercussions will continue. The only way to avoid such situations is to always think of your partner first. If we have to put up with some small things that we don't like to give our loved ones something they want, - believe me, that sacrifice will pay rich dividend. When it is time for a small sacrifice on his part, he will make it with all his heart!

    Remember, loving between couples is most successful when each puts the other's happiness first. There is no me and you rather it is 'us' because no one can expect to be happy unless the other is too.

    All the best in mending bridges...
     
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  8. payasa

    payasa Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey pacer,
    Don't worry, this is not a big thing, take it lightly. There will be arguments, one person disagrees with the other, one person gets their way. This is normal in a marriage. Give it time, and it will be alright.

    Remember - whatever happens is for good :)
     

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