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suggestions to deal with complaining husband?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rums, Jan 8, 2012.

  1. Rums

    Rums Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ils,

    How do you deal with husbands who complain almost all the time?. When u are a working mom it becomes very difficult. You try to do your best yet not enough. He helps too but he thinks he is the only person who is working more than me.
     
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  2. sindura16

    sindura16 Bronze IL'ite

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    I read some where that...u need to appreciate the person always....so say thank you where ever necessary...n
    feel him special in front of ur friend n family circle ...tell them he is the best hubby one can ask for, as he helps u in the kitchen ...

    hope this works for u..
     
  3. unhappywife

    unhappywife Silver IL'ite

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    Oh man, Dear OP,

    I felt like posting the same question today. You saved my time. We had been to shop for my birthday. My Dh always has the habit of complaining and today he said the clothes are not good at the shop. I bought a dress for my DD too. While I was trying it on her at home, (she was excited and liked it very much), he said it looks odd and he said i won't allow her to wear it to preschool. I felt so irritated and cannot take so much of complaints day in and day out. He always keeps pointing fingers. If i place the laundry basket, he will immediately say don't place it there (but he throws clothes everywhere). He always blames for silliest things and he spoiled my bday mood too.. Please help me and OP deal with the same. Thanks
     
  4. Rums

    Rums Silver IL'ite

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    Sindura- I do compliment him sometimes. the thing is no matter what I do, I never get any compliments. But if he does even a small thing it has to be complimented. If he cooks, I will say it is good even though it is bad :).
    But if I cook something good, not a word. Anything he does it's great mine not so much. The story is the same for everything he does.
     
  5. winpie

    winpie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP (and unhappywife),

    Sad but true - that though the word 'Nag' was created for a complaining wife, no word was ever created for a complaining husband!

    Complaining is a way of dominating - each and every time. Even more so when it is a daily feature. There is no way you can reason with such people and get them to see what they are doing. Having said that, there are some things we can do to reduce our own frustration at such behaviour. The surest killer of complaints is humour - it snatches the power from the person who does the complaining. It works like a needle to a balloon - it deflates it. Try it just once and see!

    A chronic complainer gets some sort of a kick at keeping the other person on tenterhooks by complaining all the time. Making them justify themselves all the time, demeaning the other person's efforts and aggrandizing their own are all ways of feeling their power over the other person. And that need to dominate in such a way doesn't go away by itself. The only way to make it go is to remove the kick they get from it.

    Aside from humour, try agreeing with him when he complains - not seeing you jump and defend yourself also reduces the power! Like the laundry basket incident described by unhappywife? Instead of showing irritation try asking very, very innocently "where do you think I should put it?" And whatever he answers, ask "are you sure?" and then, however badly he reacts, say, "OK, I'll put it there" and go and put it there right at that moment - with a big smile.

    When you start pushing the decision on him for everything he complains about, and smile while doing it, all the fun will go out of it for him! I mean, does he really want the bother of making all such petty decisions? I don't think so. All he likes is the power over you :) . Turn it into a game and show that you are enjoying it - be his equal if not his superior at enjoyment in this game.

    And see the way he changes ......:rotfl
     
    7 people like this.
  6. amuram

    amuram New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone I am new .I have the same problem with my husband is always complaining .what ever I do he keeps complaining .If I fight or argue he says I will keep u far,If I talk more he says u go out of my life.
     
  7. amuram

    amuram New IL'ite

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    Hi , I am also in the same problem .My husband is always complaining in each and every work I do.If I argue He says I will go far or If more arguements continue he says go from my life I will give you settlement.He knows that no one is for me.:bonk
     
  8. afreen12

    afreen12 New IL'ite

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    I have same problem . My husband finds negativity in my works. I have been known as a smart dresser in my circle but every time I go anywhere with him he starts long arguments not to wear dress I choose. And insists to wear stupid dresses from my inlaws which I dont like. And it ends up with my bad mood. He finds bad in everyday meals I make even though they are tasty. Sometimes I stay quiet sometimes I say some people in the world dont even have this. It is very annoying. I can not anything of my choice. I think I chose the wrong person. Its upsetting.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2014

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