With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out.....

Tara09 · Nov 10, 2011

Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

Thank you so much ars. I know I am recollecting only negative things in life but wanted to vent out my frustration.

I am continuing gym. If I feel lazy in the mornings somedays due to weather then I make sure I do in the evenings.
The new neighbor friend and me are spending some time atleast few days a week. I have not yet approached kids school. As for winter shopping we did a part of it on Sunday. There are some things remaining which we intend to finish this weekend.
There are good sales going on in aeropostle. So, we finished kids stuff there last weekend.

As for money to SIL, I suspect something here. I am trying to get to talk to him may be this weekend. Couple of nights back, the phone rang in the middle of the night and dh picked up. Later in the morning ie., yesterday I asked him and he said oh! just some wrong number.
But last night, I didnt see the time but I was fast asleep and something disturbed my sleep very lightly. I was not wide awake but could hear someone talking very softly not in the same room though. I was feeling damn sleepy but struggled to hear and it was dh's voice. He was over phone. With the little I heard, I kind of concluded it was his sister he was talking to.
I could hear him saying "Even I have some expenses, I have to look into it and even if I transfer the amount it will reach you no less than 10 days since I have to set up an account for money transfer....so is that much time ok with you????"

I did not ask anything about that to dh this morning. But, I keep thinking "why does he have to get up that middle of the night, move out of the room and talk??"
I really never expected my dh to do that. I know him well and after so many years he is trying to keep from me something??
Also I was thinking from morning..."why did he not tell me this morning that he called his sister last night?"

Lot of things are running in my head now. I really dont want to be the first one to raise the topic and ask him. I wish he tells me before I raise this whole thing.

ars · Nov 10, 2011

Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

Good you are planning for the snow.
I do hope your H talks to you first. I see it as 2 ways.
1. he wil voluntarily tell you whats going on or 2. He will never tell you.
Now
1. if he tells you - than don't get defensive, don't argue. Listen patiently. than put a different spin of what I had mentioned earlier about IL's health concerns and bigger issue like sil might be in bigger trouble than she is telling. I have told in my earlier post like hiding from h etc. The point is to make it public with Il's and her h that she asked for money. Don't worry about H giving her the money. so talk gently and tactfully and with high concern so your h will make it known to others that he is giving money to her.
2. If he doesnot tell you and goes on his merry way of fixing or not fixing, helping or not helping sils problem than don't bring up the subject. Let him pay the consequences for his actions. When he realises good or bad what ever the outcome now or later atleast you won't get blamed for it. Think as its your h's learning lesson and the cost will be $4000 and not your peace of mind and happy marriage.
Anyway, sad that a H would hide from wife but he is only human. to err is human hope he learns from his action.

poojachinoy · Nov 11, 2011

Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

i can sooooo empathize with you...in a similar situation..maybe even worse....no job..cold in laws..no car(or rather don kno driving)...list goes on...i had a big showdown after my miscarriage where mil was instigating fil to show me my place...he too said the same words..you have a big ego..you have an attitude problem..you have bad upbringing...said bad words to my family...just 2 wks after my miscarriage and dnc...that time i dint take it..i gave it back all to them left,right and centre...he too has all these kitchen politics in him as he has 4 daughters n DH is only son plus mil..all the ladies just gossip 24x7 on the phones and he too does that...i contemplated suicide many times..as i have no family here...no job..because i am studying for my liscensing examz...plus i was pregnant..and doing all house work upon which she will taunt me how my way is nt rite..and how i should follow her instructions...i am just sooo emotionally drained...she held a party for sil 3 days before my dnc and even made me cook even when she knew my state...i finally spoke back n gave them a peice of my mind...now things are good...i m almost done with driving...studying for my exam in the library..dont plan to have a kid unless i pass atleast one exam..and mil is not allowing me to enter kitchen...upon which i happily gave her the rein..ha ha..let her do the cooking..its high time..she has alrready rested a lot...and even on this behaviour of theirs they still think that my sils are going through hell and i am lucky to have such good il's...yea rite...u have any suggestions please pour in...esp abt the cooking..as i am studying and dont want husband to think that i am dependant on his *OLD*mom..because he cant see that she is not allowing me to interfere..

poojachinoy · Nov 11, 2011

Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

though husband is being very supportive..since he is the youngest of them all they are walking all over him too...both of us are just too devastated about the miscarriage and cry to sleep..no peace at home at that time..now he too is aloof from them..the more he was standing up for me the more they were bullying us both..i stood up..and finally things are settling down or so they seem...