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With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out.....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Tara09, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Dear Op,
    First it is your DHs bounden duty to look after you ...and you are already looking after his parents...so just ignore whatever they say about job...... home making is also no less job only it is honorary one so dont mind their sayings...... in fact what kind of DH is yours who cant look after you and make you guilty for not having job? Some people are to be ignored and I think ur PILs are among those.....If you get affected by their saying you will become sad and will only itch their tongue more.....
     
  2. SharmilaBanu

    SharmilaBanu Silver IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Tara, Sorry to hear about yours. Best as all said, IGNORE Them. And they should feel that talking to you is NOT GOING TO HURT as u dont listen to them. Dont give any time for this - Indulge in any home-activities like teaching language or best time to LEARN. See IL site and learn Crafts and thank GOD for giving ample time to revive yourself. You can surely earn money by teaching lang / crafts . All the Best
     
  3. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    I am feeling light and relieved after pouring out my feelings here to you all wonderful ladies. You truly are all great friends in virtual world. How I wish I meet you all in real world?

    I was 21 when I started my first job. I finished rest of education while I worked though I did not make much then. Later, for the next 20 odd years I was earning. Now, my job loss has resulted in me staying home which I actually started enjoying and loving till my inlaws dropped in.
    We may need to downsize our lifestyle if I dont go back to work which we are willing to do. But inlaws see that as a great setback for THEIR SON.

    We sold off the house since we knew we would not make anymore out of that asset seeing the real estate market. We are happy to be in an apartment. We sold off lot of stuff which we knew would occupy too much space in the 2 bedroom apartment since our house was 4 bedroom one.
    We had 2 huge leather sofa sets, nice dresser but big one, 3 TVs, lot of furniture which would cram up the apartment, we sold off while moving.
    Inlaws are so so so......I mean.......what to say???.....acting weird...... They keep repeating on and on....oh!you had that stuff, that lovely sofa, that huge TV, oh! oh!....I cant believe YOU sold off all that!!!!!.......Here, the YOU is directed to ME!!!....
    My FIL went to the extent of saying I have a habit of selling off stuff to satisfy my fancies........for them me staying home and unable to find a job these days is enjoying life and thats my fancy.
    I JUST DONT AND WILL NEVER GET THAT!!!
    Now, in all this selling stuff DH is also involved and not that it is my sole decision.

    Now, really speaking, whether I get a job or not I personally am not bothered that much. I am trying though.
    Inlaws see this as eating away their son's money. I HATE THAT!!!!

    Please tell me this ILites.....If I stay home....how is it their problem????? They dont even lend a penny to us.
    And why make me feel guilty to survive on my husband's hard earned money, after all, I am not lavishly wasting it away.

    This kind of feeling and this turmoil was never in me until my inlaws arrived here. And they plan to stay quite longer......may be to see my end!!!

    Sometimes I feel I am taking them too sentimentally but I cant help feeling down when they are around always trying to correct me.

    The other day, I was out with my neighbor who was nice enough to take me in her car with her for shopping.
    I was almost out the whole afternoon for about 3hrs. My MIL started saying "you dont get close to that lady too much, else you will also be wasting away time like her".
    Even if I am on phone with a friend for longer time, she says the same thing....." Talking so much is wasting time".
    I feel like immediately asking her......Dont I know what I am doing???? Am I a 10yr old??????
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011
  4. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Sorry to hear about your jobloss, you are now 41 year old woman, why are you still affected by inlaws, you are in a position to tell them if they dont like to live with you they can go back to their place. As per the house we bought a house as if only one of us is working on a limited budget. Never invite inlaws or parents when you are in financial troubles I learned it in a hard way. I remember my mother saying the same 15 years ago when we were in trouble. Even now I get comments as why I cannot afford health care for my mother in US, some of the things in life they donot understand let it be inlaws or parents donot take them seriously.
     
  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Tara,
    What you have done downsizing is the right thing :thumbsup. Its very common in US to sell things when you move. Why is your H not saying anything to IL's. Il's are culturally unaware of how things work in US. So your H has to let them know or you have to tell them in front of h.
    Most of the comments about wasting time just ignore. don't comment but do what needs be done like going out again and talking on the phone. Action speaks louder than words ao don't waste your energy on words.
    Please stop thinking about any negative thoughts or foresseing negative things like you have mentioned about your end.:rant Thats the reason I told you to recite some shlokas everyday for your peace, and positive attitude. If shloka is not your thing. Do what ever your religion or beleif is so you spend some time with thought of and conversation with the higher power.
     
  6. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Tara,

    I think you are old enough to take a stand against your small-minded ILs! Firstly, as you already know and acknowledge, it is simply not their business to judge you or comment on whether you work or stay at home. After working for 21 long years, I believe you have earned every right to sit back and relax. It is entirely your prerogative. The next time your MIL points out the fact that you are 'wasting your time', tell her you are 'living and enjoying your life' after many years of toil and that you don't appreciate her making such petty comments. Be firm and assertive, yet polite...hopefully, after a few times, your MIL will sense that you are a secure person and that she is wasting her breath in trying to pull you down.

    Good luck!
     
  7. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Cannot answer you question(in bold). Not only me, I think majority of Indian women cannot answer this to date.....
    Sadly though but that is the truth I know...
     
  8. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Thank you ars for your nice words. Yes, I understand when you talk about reciting sholokas. I think I need to kind of make it my routine so I have some peace within myself.

    Thank you cj.
     
  9. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Tara,

    Don't show any expressions and just listen and do what you are doing.Then they will go mad.Believe me ,it will really works.

    Let them talk,you don't have job or whatever.Find some good youtube workouts and do them.And they will relax your mind a lot.Keep a face like they are talking in french.Other thing,keep mp3 player in ears.

    Make them mad!!!!!
     
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  10. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    I was wondering, at what age are we supposed to stop getting affected by harsh comments. I am 42, and my MIL lives with me and does exactly what your ILs are doing. I think I do not react to what she does, but that doesn't mean that I don't get affected. I think you can only stop getting affected when you achieve nirvana. It's very difficult to understand for people who are not suffering their ILs. And then, everybody is different. Some people are more sensitive than others, some are more diplomatic, some are more private. But, I guess, all kind of people should have the right to be themselves, if they are not harming anyone.
     
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