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With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out.....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Tara09, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. amrita16soni

    amrita16soni New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Dont de-motivate ur self. Infact if u go to gym tht will reduce ur stress, meet the others who come there.
    And don't think for wht u will do tht, do it for urself. Fitness is the 1st priority in ur life. See other americans how they care abt themselves u will get motivated once u see them.
    And ofcourse going for gym is the best stress buster.
     
  2. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    cold outside and cold inside..you have to do something which makes you warm....I dont know some hobby like craftwork or painting even solving sudoko would sometime make me feel better. Dress warm go to a mall and do window shopping. You dont seem to be a negative person but beware the things around you can make you negative, if that happens even you cant help yourself!
     
  3. gj2007

    gj2007 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Hi Tara,
    Don't worry. Things will get well soon. Don't lose hope in life. As other friends told, go to gym. Also what is the nature of the job you are trying for? I will see if I can help in that aspect. Just don't care about ppl who hurt you. I know its easy to say, but prepare your mind just to ignore that. It will help you a lot. Things will definetly change one day.

    Take care
     
  4. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Thanks for all who responded.

    Update: I have started going to gym since couple of days. Though it is an hour or even less that I am there but I feel good to be away from home and every watchful inlaws.
    As I said I have observed my husband being too preoccupied with some thought so last night I asked him straight what is it? He shrugged off saying nothing. I said I am sure there is something and he is hiding from me.
    At this point he said even if there is something I cannot help him anyways. I said very harshly then why did you even marry me when you dont think I am fit to even share something that is bothering you.
    Is it that I need to be always of "some use" to you then only you will tell me???

    So, after all this and more he said that is sister has asked him for Rs.2lakhs. She is in some debts and needs money by this month end.
    He said that she said not to say mom and dad about this.
    Actually, my SIL and her husband are both in public sector undertakings and permanant/regular jobs. Both of them together make about 1.5lakh per month. But very often they will be in debts.
    Recently they have purchased an apt. worth 65lakhs and had all the interiors done for another 5lakhs.
    They have 2 kids aged 19 and 13yrs.

    Here, my MIL always shows off telling how they keep purchasing property and one time she even said they have no locker space so they are not buying gold else they have that capacity monetarily to buy more gold.....blah blah......all tall talks about her daughter.
    They dont know the fact that their daughter secretly called my dh to ask for money.


    Here we are struggling....and no one cares....






    gj2007..there is no one particular job that I am looking for. These days with so many months out of job I am ready to do anything.
     
  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    2lakhs is 4 thousand dollars. Does your h has that type of money saved to give to sil. Did he tell you what he was going to do. I think whether he gives or not he should tell his parents that she has asked him for the Money. It's not good to hide from parents. They think everything is hunky dory with the d and later if something major happens they will have a very big shock which can affect their health. It's better to let little things known first without sweeping it under the rug.
    Hope you convey this to your h. As a family of four you, h and parents should have a talk together and see how you can help sis and bil in distress. I am saying include bil. Because I have heard lately lot of ladies in India to live up with the jones's are getting into debt without the knowledge of the h. Also, lot of kitty parties and chit funds going on with woman without the knowledge of h.
    Coming to you. Keep up with gym. Also have you talked to your kids teachers.
    Since you are new to the area it's a good place to start. Tell them you want to
    help out one day a week with them or in the office. They will always have
    zeroxing, mail distrubution, decorating the class bulletin board etc. You will get
    to meet other parents and make friends.
     
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  6. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    somebody removed the post and hence me removing the reply :|
     
  7. desiretree

    desiretree New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Hi everyone

    i might sound a little philosophical but pls take time to understand as it might change ur lifes.

    Pls sit for a moment anywhere where u are alone and where u cant hear anthing except ur mind.it might be even in a shower.think for a moment ur inlaws neither care for u nor stand by u incase of trouble. u r trying to give happiness to such people evrymoment by being sad. their sole purpose is to keep u sad and u are always letting tht happen by thinking abt them all the time and cribbing abt them. stop doing tht.

    i know even though we have enough money we try to save money for the future as our husbands work hard and we try to keep the atmosphere at the home nice so tht our husbands can be peaceful after they come from work.first you start strongly believing tht wht ever ur husband is eaning u are earning by doing everything so u have a right to enjoy wht u earn.and if u are intelligent behave in such a way tht before them ur husband insists u to buy things. if u are not let ur husband know tht u r not buying it for a particular reason.may be when he asks u to buy a dress tell him tht vaguely tht people would think i am getting u bankrupt then he would obviously know wht u meant.
    never ever insult or talk rashly to ur inlaws in front of ur husband. and i am not asking u to deal with them with love becz they are not worth it. just try to do ur duty and only duty so tht everybody else should feel u are a good daughter in law.

    and if u cant do any of the above then try to avoid them.keep ur self busy.explore ur interests.

    {Google can give u everything. if u like singing see where u can get the cheapest online singing classes search for it.try to pursue ur interests like reading (libraries are free and u can go once a week get like 5-6 books and read them tell ur husband u are trying to learn english).if u like cooking try all kinds of foods and feed them ur inlaws(this way ur husband thinks my wife is taking care of my parents so well), if u like dancing learn it from a neighbour or there are lot of dance cds .or u can let me know ur interests may be i can give u a solution as i have many options.} pls pursue ur interests and u dont need too much money for tht.all u need is a laptop or a touch pad or a cellphone.

    try to make people of same interests may be someone in ur apartments who is close by so even if u cant go they would come.
    there are so many newly married people who cant work bcz they are on H4 try to make them friends and since they are dynamic try to learn from or teach them things.

    IF U FEEL U DESREVE TO BE HAPPY
    PLS BE HAPPY AS "HAPPINESS IS IN UR HANDS AND NOT IN ANYONE ELSES". Dont let ur inlaws exploit u and dont let them win.if u are happy wht ever they do after sometime they stop bothering u and mind their own business.
     
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  8. desiretree

    desiretree New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    hi tara09
    actually ur working and earning wouldnt make a difference.Even if u work and earn ur SIL have some tatics to grab tht money from ur husband.so now wht u have to do is tht u should see tht ur husband doesnt keep on lending money to ur SIL.So it is better u start creating an artificial scarcity of money at home.Ask him to buy gold for u for festivals.or try to ask him some money for some expenses and keep saving tht money.or purchase a flat on loan and tell tht it is for ur MIL and FIL's comfort then the money at his accounts keep decreasing and his income would be fixed so he would be in no position to help her.
    or the last option is when anyway the money is going to be spent see tht he spends it for u. convince him and u start buying costly things.or tell him u want to buy something and save it in ur account.

    and if he comes to know abt these savings let him know u r trying to save for ur children and not for ur own luxury.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011
    2 people like this.
  9. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    I really am not sure what dh is thinking about this. He himself is worried and if I raise this topic he gets all the more irritated. But one thing I told him very clear is to cut this off here, tell his sister upfront he cannot arrange for that much money now.
    To this dh says, what if she is really in need for money? I said then she has her husband who should be looking into it and not you. And moreover both should be involved in requesting for the amount and not only she without the knowledge of her husband. Here, her husband does not know she is asking us since she told my dh not to talk about this to her husband. I told my dh I suspect something going totally wrong here.
    He was quiet and left, dont know what he thought.

    As for me, I went and made some acquaintances here. I simply knocked on my next door neighbor's house, knowing very well they are Indians too. I just said I am new here and moved in recently. She was really nice. She asked me to come in and we chatted for almost an hour having tea together. Then she said she also goes to gym and would be happy to go along with me. I was feeling so nice.

    She stays home and they have 2nd car so she offered to take me shopping if I need to. I thanked her and said I would be happy to go along with her whenever she plans to go out.

    When my inlaws came to know that she stays home, my MIL started asking why? I said I did not find it worth asking her since that is her choice. My MIL started saying if I am with her then I will become like her wasting time shopping, chatting. I simply hate this attitude of my MIL. Agreed my MIL was a known tailor in her area in those days and even now she has a tailor shop in India at her place which is running well.
    But see her ego???
    She finds any stay home lady useless!!!! omg!!!........I HATE THIS ATTITUDE OF HERS....!!!!
    I get that choking feeling when I am around her. She always calculates money money and money only!!!

    Whats wrong if a woman decides to stay home???? Really, whats wrong in that, if they can afford ?????
     
  10. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: With no job, cold inlaws in the house, cold weather outside, no car to go out....

    Because your sil is not telling her h and parents I think its really spooky like I had mentioned in detail earlier. I hope your h finds out and nips it in the bud.
    I am glad you met your neighbour. way to go.
    All the best dear. spend some time praying and chanting shlokas it will help you mentally end emotionally.
    Ignore Mil's comments.
     

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