worried ,need your advice

neelu12 · Nov 2, 2011

My dear friends,

iam alot worried today,iam not able todo any of the work at home..my H has suddenly decided to go back to India. I came back after a long vacation and am trying to take up a job and infact we are even planning to buy a home but all of sudden he says we would be going back so please pack your bags and go ,I would join you at a later time.Iam shocked to hear this and not able to decide what to do,I asked him for some more time but he is bent upon going back..what to do friends? how can i change his mind? I would want to go back too but not right now..frankly speaking iam very much scared of my MIL and right now not even in good terms with her,I simple cannot imagine myself with her right now..she is so cunning and smart that she always creates problems between us..what to do?I requested him several times today but he would not listen..I am just sharing it here to releive my tension,any ideas?

please help me friedns,how do i convince him,Iam just asking him for few more years and then we would go back.Am i asking for too much?

GoodReason · Nov 2, 2011

Hi Neelu12,

Don't worry. First of all ask your DH, why there is sudden change in plans? before going to vacation you both were planned so many things..right? what happen suddenly ...is anything happened during your vacation...ask your DH calmly. Some how make him talk. My point...buying a house in US is a big step..then suddenly going back to india...there should be some strong reason behind it.
Even after this, he still wants to go india..leave it to him...and try getting job in india..so that most of your time you can spend outside and you will have money independence..atleast peace of mind for some time...
things that are not in our hands we can't do much....but things that we can control..lets make them.
regarding IL's , if they are good with us...they will get same treatment during their final days...otherwise...not.

neelu12 · Nov 2, 2011

HI GR,Thank you for writing to me..it's not so easy for me to go back so suddenly..we planned so much taht i would take up a job, we were about to buy a home and we had much more but all of sudden he changes his mind..he told his parents that he is planning to buy a home here,may be they must have said something but Iam not sure..Iam feeling so low right now.

crazymom · Nov 2, 2011

sending hugs....

Try to find out what happened while you were in India. It is a big decision, did he have any trouble at work or something? Hope everything works out for you.

inlovewithmylyf · Nov 2, 2011

It could be possible tht when u were on ur vacation in India, ur PILs told ur husband tht they need u n their son with them in their old age.. Tht could be th reason for ur husband changing his mind all of a sudden... Ask him whts th reason behind this sudden decision n also tell him tht ur not prepared to leave everything n go back like this n tht u need some time... If he is going back for his parents, try tellin him tht u guys can be here for a few more years n tht u can bring invite ur parents to the US to spend time with u(if they are interested in coming here)... Tc...

neelu12 · Nov 2, 2011

thanks crazymom,i need those hugs,iam feeling very low..nothing wrong at his work place ,not sure what has happened to him.

neelu12 · Nov 2, 2011

inlovewithmylyf said: ↑

It could be possible tht when u were on ur vacation in India, ur PILs told ur husband tht they need u n their son with them in their old age.. Tht could be th reason for ur husband changing his mind all of a sudden... Ask him whts th reason behind this sudden decision n also tell him tht ur not prepared to leave everything n go back like this n tht u need some time... If he is going back for his parents, try tellin him tht u guys can be here for a few more years n tht u can bring invite ur parents to the US to spend time with u(if they are interested in coming here)... Tc...
Click to expand...

nothing like that,it has been two months that I have been back from India and we were planning to buy a home and it was his decision to buy a home here,we asked them to come here but they are not interested.

ars · Nov 2, 2011

Neelu,
Before replying to your concern I wanted to read your previous threads. Looks like since you are back from your long stay in India you have had personal problems with your h. Like no intimacy, newyork street incidence.and even in India your h has mentioned about his dislike of living with you. He seems to be using the d word and threatening to take the kid away from you.
So other than moving to India part how is your married life. Is their any change in h' behavior. Do you have the love and intimacy back or just living under one roof. Hope the dv has not started.
If everything is happy in married life than don't worry. Just calm down. First don't be defensive about the moving part say yes okay let's plan about it and have a calm conversation with him.
If your married life is not happy than going to India will be a blessing for you.
Start applying for jobs in India. Move back get a job. Forget il's live on your
own with kid and hire help to raise the kid. When your h decides to join you
he can.
All the best

flowerlady · Nov 3, 2011

Why is your DH sending you back immediately , sounds fishy. Ask him if he got a job offer or is just planning. If he is resigning his US job then all of you can come back together.
Be co-operartive and find out his plans instead of disagreeing pointblank .
People do relocate nowadays so dont panic.
But come back together , infact he should get a job before coming back .