can we live without any relatives????????

OP: I pray for the early recovery of you mother and GOD give her the strength to go through the medical treatment. She is blessed to have a family which is taking care of her.

Also going through your post, I was reminded of the below statement from Dalai Lama,

"We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of other's actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from other's activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others."

But you can always select the people, you want to socialise with.

Also, it appears like your DH might be an introvert. Dealing with an introvert takes patience, kindness, and an understanding that people are different. Was he like this from his childhood days?

 

[SIZE=-1]As ARTHUR MILLER rightly says in "The Shadows of the Gods" Society is inside of man and man is inside society, and you cannot even create a truthfully drawn psychological entity on the stage until you understand his social relations and their power to make him what he is and to prevent him from being what he is not. The fish is in the water and the water is in the fish".[/SIZE]
We are all civilized people, by observing a few amenities of civilized behavior and interacting with family/society we try not to fall short in our social expectations. As seen in ur case, not only is ur Dh a socially non-interacting person he is also the same with his immediate family!!! This proves to be a totally unhealthy behaviour!
What does he see in u, a wife/a professional who can highlighten his CV " My wife is so nd so...and works as -------// or a puppet who will dance to his tunes??!!! Is there any love/ zest in ur life as a couple ?He has no right to alienate u as well frm ur loved ones/friends/relatives. The problem is " you didn't object to this irrational behaviour rt. frm the beginning, and he toook advantage of ur silence! Stand up gal and speak ur ming out polietly yet firmly!You have a whole life to live....you can live it "Satisfyingly" unless you make your point clear!

 

Possibly feels insecure on the infertility part and trying to cover up by not allowing you to mingle with others, his family members and your parents.

I think that is a wise decision. Please remember changing introverts is difficult but possible with love and care. I pray that things work out well between you and your DH.

 

You are hoping your husband will change and for your sake and happiness I hope he will. Changing people is a very difficult thing. In many cases problems come in a marriage because of interference of others such as in-laws, and once the in-laws are out of the picture (maybe after many yrs) things improve. What I am trying to say is that your problems are not external, but are with your husband's whole personality. This is the biggest tragedy of arranged marriage. You get a complete mismatch of personalities and are stuck with it for the rest of your life.
I had a friend whose husband had a very controlling personality. All he did was constantly complain about her and find faults with her (she was not smart enough, the degree she got was not from a top college, she should do it again, she did not know how to talk, did not know how to dress, or eat, or walk etc etc). He kept on telling her to change herself. She kept trying and what was so sad was she was a very successful career woman, the topper of our class, a talented dancer and all round achiever. I told her to leave him because he seemed crazy and demanding, she was young and there was time to go and make an independent life for herself. She did not, and I lost touch with her for 21 yrs. When I heard from her again a few months back, she is still with him, he is still the same and she is sick, physically and emotionally, with no confidence in herself and scared of everything. She cannot make any decision for herself and is frightened to even go out for a walk. She had no children because he told her she was not fit to be a mother, and now wants to have children when she is sick and physically unable (so he can pin one more failure on her).
My point in relating this story to you and all women reading this is that we seem to think that all marriages have to work, if only we give it enough time, patience energy etc. That is not the case. Your husband's behaviour reminds me on my friend's husband. I think you should give him (in your mind, not tell him) a certain amount of time. The time depends on you (1 yr, two yrs, 10yrs) whatever you think is right. You have spent 5yrs already. If he has not changed or shown progress, remains still the same, then leave him, without hesitation and guilt. Ask yourself this. You husband does not get along with his parents, nor with your parents, does not need friends, does not want you to have friends, then what is the reason he will get along with you?

 

Munia,

Very well said!!

I always believe for a fruitful discussion to take place, it needs TWO SENSIBLE people. It cant be a one-way traffic. Though one of them has all the patience and wisdom in the world, the other person needs to be a good receiver to take in, process and apply all the useful information!

OP:

Right now, there is already a lot happening in your life and your being brave! Hope your mom's recovery is speedy and she returns to good health soon!

 

[Karthik - Seek counsel with a friend...these are things that you cannot discuss with your or his parents until you have made a stand...discuss this with someone you trust and also someone he trusts...ideally, find a mediator he loves and respects who can support your views and hopefully put it across to him ]

 

Well said Munia101. The way nk1 has portrayed her husband I think is not rational person so there is hardly any chance he will change.

Dear nk1 God has given us only one life. Do you want to spend whole life changing a pshycho into normal person? There has to be some kind of psychiatrist evaluation to know chances of making him normal person. Get to know that first. Don't keep dragging your precious life for social pressure. Marriage is not end of women's life. Accept truth and move on in your life.

 

Well said by munia and proundIndian.

Well not to confuse you. Its your life you have to decide what and how you need to carry away.

There are two paths for you in life- Live with difficulty or leave be happy

As Munia and proundIndian said just think of yourself... you will be happy. Find a job, Move out of the relationship and if you want get married to the person you deserve. Full fill all your desires..live your life. Forget this idiot. There are high chances that he will fall for you if you try to leave him becuase he seems to be dependent on you even for car driving. He might try to retain you as he is having getting some comfort from you like money, food, etc....

To live with him- We have seen ppl changing.Here you have good chances to win his heart as no in-laws are there to influence him. For changing him you need to do whatever he thinks correct...say yes whatever he says. Get his confidence first, then slowly try to influence him. Constantly talk to him regarding other things. If he says move to IT ask him how to do..if he says some other professions tell him you said about IT right!!, first he wil be confused then he will think and will be fine. Ask him to sponsor SAP course so that you can move to IT.

PS- It is very difficult. There is high chance that he will change but you have to deal with him like this through out life for one or the other issue. Your desirs and life will not have any place for saving this marriage.

Remember to live with him, you should be very strong. You should have lot of Love for him. If you Love him then you should not think of other things than changing him.

Think ...think and think.

All the best. God bless you

 

munia101
your Friends Story brought Tears into my Eyes.our parents raise us with so much Love and what we get After marriage.?