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why i am sad always, in depression, crying .... plz help me ...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by akumar, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    hi

    It is natural to feel this way to become overwhelmed suddenly by situations forced on us... hormonal upheavals due to childbirth also contribute majorly to our feelings of depression and mood swings.... i went through the same after i had my 2nd child. I lived away from my home country... in a building where there were no indians......no friends at all...a husband though loving had his career demands and couldnt spend enough time at home...an older daughter who was at school whole day. It was just me and the baby and i couldnt cope. I used to cry for everything... get into fights with my husband for no reason.... stopped going out...resented my baby....basically i became a mental and physical wreck. I didnt get a job either...inspite of applying everywhere...i didnt take interest in housework also...cooked just the basics... From a fun loving and always smiling woman i became this morose, irritable, crying zombie... Some days i hated myself for being this way but couldnt help it...i felt the world was my enemy... Nothing my parents , my DH said or did would change me... I was still crying.
    One day, I started keeping a journal. I wrote what i felt whenever i had time or whenever i felt depressed. I wrote all my thoughts, my frustrations, my expectations....everything....every little thing. Sometimes the diary had streaks of my tears on my words...but still i continued. It was like a therapy. When i read it back the next day or a bit later ..my own words seemed to tell me I was driving people away because of my selfishness... i slowly realised that the problem was not with others or my baby...or not getting a job or friends...the problem was with me... I had stopped living instead was just existing. I had mixed up my priorities... i was looking at the closed doors for so long that i didnt realise the windows were open ... I started to take interest in living... played with my baby..went for a make over so that i looked good and that boosted my confidence...ate well and slept well. So what i didnt get a job, or i dont have friends, or i am alone at home... i have my baby...i can read, or write, listen to music, dance, sing.... enjoy my solitude... Now i am back to my normal cheerful self.
    Trust me, if u want to be depressed, then job or no job, friends or no friends, you will still be depressed...you have to find your own happiness... noone can tell you how to come out of ur own feelings of depression/guilt ..you have to do it urself. Believe in urself,ur family and most of all God. Dont allow urself to measure your self worth with the job you do, or your lifestyle, a fancy house or your friends.... your self worth comes from you valuing yourself. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF and you will be alright. Good luck...
     
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  2. alyajabeen

    alyajabeen New IL'ite

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    Thinking style

    It is common that we often say why this bad time comes to me only? We remember always those things which we could not achieve, without thinking about the blessings we have already in our life. Here is a very short story of a well known player, having a golden lesson for all of us.

    Arthur Ashe, the well known legend player of tennis was dying of AIDS. He got this disease in 1983 by infected blood transfusion during heart surgery. He received numerous letters from his fans all over the World.

    One of his fans wrote him in gloomy words “why god selected you for such a bad disease”? Arthur Ashe, replied his fan and wrote him in following words,

    “All over the world 5 crore children start playing tennis,

    Out of them 50 lacs learn to play tennis,

    Out of them 5 lac learn professional tennis,

    Out of them 50,000 come to the circuit,

    Out of them 5000 reach the grand slam,

    Out of them 50 reach Wimbledon,

    Out of them 4 reach to semifinal

    2 of them reach to the final match,

    When I was holding a cup

    I never asked my GOD" Why Me"?

    And today in pain, I should not be asking Him "Why me?

    Happiness keeps you Sweet

    Trials keep you Strong

    Sorrow keeps you human

    Failure keeps you humble

    Success keeps you glowing

    But only GOD keeps you going and going

    Health Fitness and Beauty Tips - Indusladies Directory
     
  3. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Change in routine is difficult to adjust to-plus u have all the hormonal upheavals to deal with.

    Try volunteering for a few hours.

    Check out schools, hospitals, libraries. If you want a respite from children try the hospitals and libraries first.

    Plan and write down the routine for each week. Make sure you include recreation, creative activities and exercise.

    Check out the county recreational activities through the Parsi and recreation services. They offer classes for dance, music, language, etc. Choose something which interests you...if u can handle the challenge pick an activity which is completelydifferent from what you would do normally. This will be very stimulating.

    If the weather gets cold, go to the mall and walk...never leave out physical exercise.

    Continue with ur job search and try something new.

    There are lots of local parent play groups, etc where young mothers get together to support one another. Look up such gatherings in your locality (online) and that will be a tremendous help. Other mothers can help you because they too have to pass this stage.

    As you find yourself engaged, you will see a difference in your attitude.
     
  4. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    Golden words:clap
     
  5. smilinglily

    smilinglily New IL'ite

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    Hi - This can be a symptom of postpartum Depression. I am not saying that you are depressed, But depression is also common after giving birth to the baby. If you discuss your feeling with your doctor he might diagnose if it is depression or not.

    Please Pamper yourself. Put something Nice, cook something that you love, dress nice..etc.

    Create a hobby. Talk to friends and Fill your mind with positive thoghts.

    I stayed at home for 1 yr after the marraige and I used to ask my DH why he didn't applied for my h1 immediately. Now I am working from the past 3andhalf yrs believe me I do feel like I wanted to take a break if I can,

    Enjoy taking care of the baby. send me a message if you wanted to talk :) Hope this helps :)

    Babies are blessings and the baby is not responsible for anything that happens in your life. Cheer up girl :)
     
  6. akumar

    akumar Senior IL'ite

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    Hello frens. a big big thanks to all of you. i am feeling sooo good to hear such postive things from you. i have been struggling with negative thoughts and was unhappy and even i knew in my heart but i was not able to feel good. now i am much better and happy with my baby giving him good time and searching for job too. i know we have such times in life but i dont know why i wasnt understanding this thing .....my problem was i had become so much trapped with my housewife life that i started sulking rather than enjoying my present life. nyways i am fine now and i really appreciate that you all took time and wrote for me ....:)

    Thanks Dear ones..
     
  7. akumar

    akumar Senior IL'ite

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    HI Mansimahi.. u very close to my situation. as i have made my life so husband's centric that i keep expecting thousands of things from him .. and then have daily fights with him. i dont want to be happy without him.. i was not like that .. even i felt that i have no job but he is not helping me but thts not true .. nobody can help you if you dont start helping you first ,.. i am better now from 2 days nn will try to be like this .. whenever i will be depressed i will read words from all if you n then i will be postive again..
    :)))
     
  8. semaphore

    semaphore Senior IL'ite

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    dear
    Career can pick any moment. But ur child's baby moments can never ever return.
    Please try to enjoy those moments now. Baby is blessing.

    Women with career atleast once a day think that 'I am not getting enough time to spend with my kid'. atleast I feel that several times a day and overwhelmly enjoy the evenings.
    You need to pen down things and say urself that u are going to take care of kid very well now, cook good healthy stuff, both eat, play, dance .. Career can wait. Prioritize now.

    Visit any college friends's family .. go to India and take a break. U need to think about options...
    Takecare.
     

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